Hangnbyathread

So I have dated a bit here and there since breaking up with my XAGF.

Coming up on 2 years now. Met some nice girls. So I know they are out there.

But then you meet what you recognize as a version of your ex.

It didn't start out that way.

There is a place called Manci's that is 2 blocks from my house. They put a flyer in my box saying there was going to be band called the Modern Eldorados playing there. I liked them....it was a nice walk to there from my house, so I made it a plan to go.

Get there, music is good, place was packed. There was no seating available. So you eventually ask if you can share a table with someone and if they are nice they make room. There was a table of 8, I asked if I could sit on the end....yes....so I did.

Got to talking to a woman on the table. Seemed nice enough. Asked the courteous questions, we just chatted. She was completely nice, didn't seem off and was normal.

We even danced a few times. And she was fine. She was drinking wine...no biggie. She had about 3 or so in 2 hours. I wasn't counting, it isn't my concern. In the course of the evening she said this was her first night out in months, and her adult daughter was upset that she went out. We laughed and conversed.

Eventually she stood up and sat back down and said....I am feeling the wine a little more than I expected. I don't think I should drive home. I agreed. Where do you live I asked. She told me. It was about 3 miles from my house to hers. I said, look I can drive you to my house, leave your car there and I can drive you home. Like I said I'm like 2 blocks away.

She said...I'm so embarrassed, I wouldn't dare let my daughters know. That is very nice of you to offer. I didn't have any issues at that point.

Walked her to her car. She was wobbly. I drove to my house...like 2 minutes max. By the time we get to my house driveway she starts acting drunk. We all know the signs.

I'm now in the Get her out of here and away from me mode. But I'm being nice and courteous about it. I put her in my car and drive her home. Glad to get that over with. Figured.....done.

But oh no..........here we go.

That was last weekend on a Saturday. I got dog sick on Sunday. She came and got her car sometime between Sunday AM and the next time I hear from her, I assume Sunday. She texted me on Tuesday to say she thinks left her coat in my car, would I check. I crawled out of bed and confirmed she had. Said I was sick as a dog can I get it back to her when I feel better. Of course she says.

Then it starts. By text. Can I bring you anything? No I'm good. How sick are you? Very. She was obviously intent on engaging me. I said, I am sick, I'd like to get back to her when I feel better. I started feeling better by Thursday. Texted her and said, I'm better and how do you want to do the coat.

She again was trying to be friendly, I was of no interest, but I wasn't an ass about any of it. She again apologized for being that drunk and that I was a gentleman and made sure she was safe and she appreciated it. Good...glad I could help. ( I have all of this in text on my phone. I will later thank god for).

So she text....I enjoyed our night can we get together again? No, I don't feel we'd get along. Oh I promise I won't drink this time. No ma'am I'm really just glad I could help and wish you the best.

Can you please tell me how you want to to do your coat? Well I can come back by your house. (She knew where I lived). No how about we meet somewhere or I can bring it to you? Oh well I wouldn't want my daughter to give me a hard time....how about I come by your house. No I'd rather not. Why you didn't mind me coming there before what's the problem ( I can sense that switch is about to flip).

Amy.....look all I want to do is make sure I don't have your coat, and you know I don't have it. I'd like to get it back to you.

No response...I asked 4 times......no response.

My Aww crap light goes off. (it hasn't even gotten bad yet).

I go to the PD of the little town she lives in, bring the coat in and ask them if they would do me a courtesy and make sure the coat gets to it rightful owner.

Yes sir...what's her name? Umm I only know her first name.

Ok where does she live? Ummmm I know the apartment complex but I never saw which apt she went into.

You start to get that cop glare from them.

Do you have a number? Yes...and I give it to them. Give them all my info and simply said...she is making me uncomfortable, she has broken no laws I just don't want to have anything to do with her.

Yes sir can you please call her, so that we can confirm that she knows you and that this is OK that you do this. While they witness it.

No problem. So I call her. I have left your coat with the PD front desk sergeant and they are letting you know you can come get it here. Please don't contact me further (The cop instructed me to say that to her).

He said.....I could go I had nothing further to do. I blocked her number on the spot.

I left. In the span of the time I called her from there and the 15 minutes it took me to get back home, my phone had 15 blocked call notifications and 35 blocked text notifications.

I get a call 2 hours later. From the PD. They need me to come down for questioning.

What? Yes sir we need to ask you a few questions.

What is this about? Sir, we don't wish to send an officer to you.

OK give me 15 minutes.

They escort me into an interview room. When she came to pick up her coat, she filed a report that I had spiked her drink and attempted to sexually assault her!!!! She left her coat because she was in a panic to get away from me.

I was at first....dumbfounded. Then I explained to the officer the sequence above and showed him the text exchanges were I clearly was trying to avoid her. He noted that nothing in the exchange discussed spiked drinks and assaults for 3 days of text exchanges. In fact he could see where she was escalating things.

So I spent 2 hours swearing out a Do Not Trespass and a Do Not Contact order.

To a woman I hardly met, that had too much to drink and I was trying to do the right thing to get her home.

She was giving me crap for not giving her my Facebook info. I don't have Facebook. You don't? Nope. Everybody has Facebook. What are you hiding? No not everyone does and I'm not only not hiding anything, I am now getting a bit annoyed at what you are implying. Oh lighten up....I'm just kidding. I know you're not married because you took me by your house. I just wanted to share and connect on Facebook. What's your problem she ask? Why am I being so private she asked.......

Its bad enough she knows where I live!!!

I have been paranoid she will come by and catch my house on fire now. (Sorta kidding...sorta not). I parked my truck in the back yard, my car in the garage, and I am watching every car that goes by my house now.

I think I will be looking at becoming a monk now.

Kata

Hi Hangn,

Wow, that is one twisted date from hell!

I understand you being a bit paranoid about the situation, that lady is not in her right mind. I hope for your sake that her fake story having not work and the Do Not Trespass and Do Not Contact order will be enough to keep her away.

RollTide

As an old friend says, "Let no good deed go unpunished. "

Steely

I am so sorry Hangin'.

Good thing you kept the texts and messages and involved the police from the start. Hopefully this will be enough to back her off.

How frightening to have received that call from the police. Throw her away in your head. Grrrrrr, because I'm a woman and she just insulted my gender.

healthyagain

So sorry. That's why I am only hanging out with my dog. The only crap he gives me is when he gets a few treats too many.

FeelingGreat

Imagine if you'd been a bit more naive than you are? The thing about the daughters not wanting her to go out was the first red flag for me.

Mountainmanbob

That's no way out but,
after reading your story, I do understand.

Seriously
Dang, yet another lesson learned.

M-Bob

Liveitwell

I'd say she has some issues. Wow.

honeypig

Holy cow, Hangin, what a nightmare! It is indeed a good thing that you saved the texts, went to the cops, etc. I'm so glad you had learned enough to see what was happening early on instead of getting dragged any deeper in.

Man, that is a scary situation, and I hope you never see hide nor hair of her again.

Bekindalways

Wow, Hanginbyathread. Thank heavens you kept those texts and went to the police.

Thanks for posting this as I don't hear the a man's view of the Datefromhell much. Sadly women need to protect themselves from assault but just as sad, men have to protect themselves from accusations.

Being a monk might not be a realistic option but there sure are a lot of folks out there who make a vow of chastity seem like a good thing!

tomsteve

"some????" LOLOLOLOLOL

sheeweee i had to stop reading and cue up some circus music.

ya did right and the good thing is next performance wont costar you.

AnvilheadII

dude, it's really time to do something about the TATOO on your forehead, eh??

serioulsy tho, that's some crazy, scary sh!t. i am so sorry that happened to you....and that you don't feel safe now.

Optimist4ever57

Wow..good for you for being so strong and persistent! Glad you kept those texts!

chloe210

This sounds like a plot to a film, like Fatal Attraction, I can't believe people behave like this in real life, especially after you only met them for just a few hours. I'm all for the company of dogs, at least you always know where you stand with a dog!

LexieCat

Pretty scary situation--glad you had the good sense to see the red flags. Yes, there are some seriously disturbed people out there. I always hate to hear stories like this because not only is it a nightmare for the person falsely accused, it makes it that much harder for the real victims who have their stories doubted when they report drug/alcohol-facilitated sexual assault. Just as a matter of interest, it is VERY rare that rape is falsely reported--the stats indicate that it doesn't happen any more frequently than face reports of other crimes. Devastating for victims who aren't believed. But, as you experienced, it can happen. I'm glad you were able to escape unscathed.

dandylion

Chloe....like you, my first thought was of the film, "Fatal Attraction"!!

Hangbyathread.....you don't have a rabbit, do you? lol.....

dandylion

Hangnbyathread

I want to clarify a bit as it could skew how that part came off. The officer said that she reported that I became aggressive with her and started to advance sexually towards her, and she left in a panic, fearing sexual assault. She did not report that sexual contact took place. He said they apparently got very specific in their questioning as they were going to carry out evidence gathering (bruises, etc.) to support her story and she backed off from the original assault accusation.

The fact is it was pretty much the other way around. She actually attempted to get amorous in the driveway and I couldn't get out of the situation fast enough.

She did not say sexual contact was made

Hangnbyathread

And the part that is reminiscent of my ex.....as I mentioned in the start.

Going from normal to too much.....isn't gradual....its like a 5 minute process.
The passive aggressive aspects when things don't line up the way they want.
The drama to turn the light away from them and onto someone else.
The meltdown phase when a rejection is taking place. When I saw how she blew up my phone, I was like....man does this bring back memories.
The methods or intent on trying to get close quickly.....was the big red run away flag for me.

After having an alcoholic in my life, I tend to be over prepared to deal with anyone that seems to be that direction. I have this built in instinct now...save text.....don't let anything personal get exposed. I made the mistake of letting her see where I live. I should have known better. But I don't want to penalize everyone I meet because of the experience I had with an alcoholic. Up to the point where she went to the other side, she was as normal seeming as anyone else. I don't have a problem if someone consumes alcohol. For that matter, I can even tolerate someone that had too much to drive....unintentionally.

But when that switch flipped in her.....all of my past lessons immediately came right to the surface and I knew I needed to be away from her as quickly as possible.

The fact is, she wasn't in any trouble, I simply wanted them to have her coat and for her to know that I was intent on getting it back without problems. I was covering my butt, in case she were to decide to accuse me of stealing when I turned down her advances. I just knew by the way she navigated the text what she was trying to do.

So when I headed that off quickly by taking it to the cops, she automatically assumed I was trying to cause trouble for her. I wasn't. I just knew that trying to engage her personally (thank you ex g/f), was the beginning of the drama that would build.

Look I am trying to assume that MOST people are normal. People, normal well adjusted people drink. Possible they get drunk on occasion. That doesn't make them alcoholics.

But the others signs...when they show up....man I am so outta there.

I don't want to be so cautious about everyone that I am hard to talk to or seem too walled off. They aren't anyone that have done anything to me. And to be honest I probably wouldn't find someone that doesn't drink socially. I mean I suspect very few people don't drink at all. I had beers that night. No big deal.

And I'm not gonna live like a hermit for fear that I may come across an alcoholic. Now, I know the signs more. I simply am better equipped now.

LexieCat

No, no, I understood that, but it was still a false accusation that you spiked her drink and apparently had intentions of assaulting her (which would include any attempted contact when the victim is under the influence of a drug impairing their ability to assess the conduct/say no).

My musings were sort of off on a tangent. Either way, though, she called the police to allege something suggesting an intent to victimize, which did not occur.

If I were you I would document report ANYTHING else you ever hear from this woman, even if it's an apology. Document and ignore.

gleefan

Hanging - Isn't it freeing to be able to recognize those toxic red flags?!