Bekindalways

Welcome back Tansybird!! I struggle with positive self talk too so if you figure out any tricks, do share.

I hope you are a believer as praying can help (a bit). Family estrangement is tough stuff and I don't have kids so can't even imagine how much this hurts.

I've always heard that the best way to figure out how to forgive your parents is to have kids yourself.

Big hug to you. Do something kind and fun for yourself today!!!

BunnyNest

This young lady has grown up in a dysfunctional home with a father addicted to alcohol and a mother addicted to her father. I assume Tansy is working a program, and has made both a personal and living amends with her daughter, but that does not require the daughter to involve the family members that allowed this dysfunction in her life. Rather than assuming she is being bitter and hurtful, it might be best to assume she is doing what she needs to do to protect herself and her coming child from the dysfunction.

I believe part of our codependency recovery is accepting the damage we have done.

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing Tansy. If you have not made your amends to your daughter, it would be wonderful to model healthy recovery for her and your other children.

amy55

I'm going to have to say this. Sometimes it is not that the other person is addicted to an addict/alcoholic, I will say sometimes that it has to do with financial difficulties. Tansy is currently raising 2 teens with autism. She is doing this alone, and she is doing a terrific job.

I do understand the point that you are making BunnyNest.

(((((hugs)))))
amy

Argnotthisagain

Hi Tansy!!! I haven't been by in a long time either--

Good to see this, great update letter from you!! Exactly what I needed to read.

Editing to add---I'm sorry for the hard parts you're struggling with...it's hard for me to imagine. I read some comments and remembered more of your story. It seems so long since I'd been here, I don't remember everyone.

Ladybird579

I was never addicted to him but I took my marriage vows seriously so stuck with him way beyond the time I should have done. However I actually don't think it was anything to do with his alcoholism that made my dd cut me off. The truth of the situation is way more complicated than anything to do with my exah drinking. Way more. She needs help herself and her problems are not caused by living in our family. It's a sad situation.

dandylion

Ladybird....my heart goes out to you.
How are you doing....?

dandylion

Ladybird579

Am good actually thanks despite everything with my girls. Bf/now friend has booked his ticket to Europe and goes soon. We are still friends but am happy about him going now. I stopped taking it personally. My boys are happy and exah has made some inroads into seeing them again. It's not been plain sailing but I promised to support their wishes to see him for as long as they want too. Eldest twin told me tonight he felt manipulated, under pressure and scare when living with his dad but feels safe and good with me but wants to see him now and then. That was nice to know he feels safe with me. I don't want to see exah but both boys need me with them if they are to have any contact as no one else in the family speaks to him.

Am still working around the boys. I love my job. Still seeing my friends. Life is good.

Oh and the weirdest thing of all. You'd laugh if you remember this.... Nearly two years ago I posted on here about a farmer I had a date with I ran away from by jumping over our sea wall. ( I was so not ready for that!!) Well we had another date last week and this one went really well. He's is actually lovely and has been a good friend over the past 2 years. So we'll see how that pans out. I feel like home is when he driving me around our beautiful countryside in his beat up van. It's kind of nice and safe. Feeling safe...I could get used to that.

dandylion

Ladybird.....I DO remember the seawall incident!! I thought it was so funny...like something that one would see on a situation comedy......
I am so glad to know that there is some more peace in your life.....
You are so entitled to that.....

dandylion

Hawkeye13

Glad to hear this happy update Tansy

hopeful4

Tansy...that's so funny! I do remember that incident! Glad that you became friends and now had a date, that's good stuff.

As always, keep being the great mom you are, and keep moving forward!

Ladybird579

Well Europe friend has gone now. I thought I was OK with it and I am mostly but it was still a bit strange and kind of final. It's weird seeing him adding other women he's meeting onto Facebook and his life is so far away now. Am not sure if to break off all contact and just cut him out my life or just have him as a facebook friend. My friends here have been really supportive tho.

My boys are doing well...so much so they are having varying times of independent living over the summer while I go and do other things. They have a sibling nearby if they have any emergency they can't handle and seem up for the challenge of being here on their own for short periods. I am going camping with a group of friends and my farmer friend is taking me ( after a crisis over a mix up with who was milking his herd while he is away lol ) I am really excited. I love camping but the boys hate it and this is the first time I've been able to go in years.

EXAH is still the same health wise but possible slightly more obnoxious in his demeanor. He still talks to me like I was his wife, snapping and snarling at me and being racist and bigoted and all the stuff I got used to but grates on me now.... I am negotiating him not coming here as our flat is my sanctuary but both the boys want to see him ( or feel under pressure from him to do so) and as EXAH can hardly walk there is not much he can do apart from come here. B/f who went to Europe used to sit in when he came here but there is no one who can now as my friends work...or any EXAH would feel he had to behave better in front of. So I keep hoping the boys will get sick of it. One has admitted he doesn't like seeing him much and has nothing to say to him and the other stays in his room while he is here.