jellyfish13

I know that my whole situation might be others finsl straw but what is love about. I dont do things bc of how the wife loves or disrespects me. I do things out of my owm love. I do love my wife. And her happyiness and sobriety are my priorty right now. She has 3 more weeks in rehab. When she gets home its not about our marriage. It will be about her sobriety. I do love myself. When i love someone i do not turn my back when they need help. If we get divorced and she stays sober, that will be good enough for me. I do believe that a marriage can come out of this stronger.
She did quit her job. Asked for help. Found the rehab herself. Changed her phone number. And removed herself self from her lover. All of which are actions. Now what happens when she comes home? We shall see. I am old school too. Just bc my wife didnt keep her vows does not mean i shouldnt either. She is sick. I didnt cause it. I cant cure it. And there is no excuse in this world for it.
I do listen to everyones responses. I do take them to heart and with an open mind. Im not living in a fantacy. I am preparing myself for the worst. But pray to god for the best.

HoldOnLoosely

I hope the best for you and your wife, too. Your wife is fortunate to have you in her life, jellyfish.

HHTexas

Hope you get this far in the replies My story is like yours. My A was an amazing guy... some of the time. I justified his cheating as his disease... thought if he would latch on to AA then he would stop all that other stuff (hookers, cheating, Ashley effing Madison). People on here told me they were 2 separate issues but I had a case of serial uniqueness heh. We're now divorcing and my life is HOPEFUL, PEACEFUL and dare I say HAPPY sometimes!! Not always easy but much better.

The ebook The Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide (Google it) along with the book Should I Stay or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft are highly recommended! Just a tiny bit of food for thought glad you are here!

Liveitwell

^ I agree-anything by Lundy is an amazing read!

jellyfish13

Call me stupid or whatever you want. But i refuse to give up on my wife. I know it could lead to more heartache but i believe in second chances. Thank you all for sharing your experience with me. I will look into getting that book. Any knowledge is good knowledge. If she stays sober it will all be worth it. The money the time everything. Even if we are no longer married. Its what my heart says love would do.

hopeful4

For me it was important to know I had done every single thing I could, and had given him every opportunity. It was important for myself, and to be able to say that to my children. I so wanted it to work.

So, I get you jelly. Don't feel bad about giving second chances. However, make sure she does know this is her LAST chance, and keep taking good care of YOU! No need to justify loving her. We all here loved our qualifier, or we would not even have come here.

Many hugs!

jellyfish13

Thank you. That is exactly how i feel. When she comes home its all about sobriety. We will see our marriage theropist and i will discuss with her that this is not just her last chance but her only chance. In my heart i have to know i did everything i could to keep us together. I have her parents on board with me. Love to me isnt just...well im done. Thank you for understanding. Its nice. I havent spoken to her since the 4th. She is in 30 day treatment and i have no idea when she will be able to call.

honeypig

Just to clarify what people mean by "letting go": http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...esnt-mean.html

Only you can decide when you've had enough, jellyfish. I stopped at every single imaginable point on the long slow road to ending my marriage also, and I get it about needing to know you've done everything you can.

But it's true that love alone will not save the marriage or your AW. And it's equally true that marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person doing all the work and being abused for their efforts. Bear all that in mind when you find yourself looking at the next "last chance", and the next....

Do you read other threads here? I only see a handful of posts from you, all in this one thread. In the time I've been here, it seems that those who get the most benefit are those who read and respond on other threads. There is a ton of ES&H here, but only if you reach out and take it in. It truly alters your view of your world and your life when you see others in the same or similar situations.

jellyfish13

I do read other threads. This is all very new to me. Just dipping my feet in. Thank you for the letting go link. Its def something i might print up and put on my mirror. Marriage is a team. And when one person decides its not then letting go is the only option. Like i have said, while she has 20 more days in rehab out of state, im praying to jesus that she stays sober (there is an after treatment plan) but i am also preparing myself for the worst. I am very thankful i found this forum. It has been my saving grace.