AXW tried contacting me today
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
AXW tried contacting me today
So one of my little peculiar quirks is that I don't carry my cell phone around with me outside the house, I leave it on a shelf beside my bed and only use it at home. Imagine my surprise today when I came home from work and found a missed call and a text message from my ex, after going a little more than one full year with complete no contact. I have her number set to go straight to voice mail, but my phone doesn't have any settings for blocking text messages.
It is a very innocent seeming "Hello" kind of message, but I feel that the only appropriate response from my end is no response. Sending a message back would only invite further discussion, and I have no desire to communicate with her now, especially since I've regained my sense of peace in her absence. I can't help but think of all the messages I've read on here where people reopen communication and lead themselves straight back down the exact same codependent path they were on in the past.
Thank you SR people for helping me stay in control of my serenity
It is a very innocent seeming "Hello" kind of message, but I feel that the only appropriate response from my end is no response. Sending a message back would only invite further discussion, and I have no desire to communicate with her now, especially since I've regained my sense of peace in her absence. I can't help but think of all the messages I've read on here where people reopen communication and lead themselves straight back down the exact same codependent path they were on in the past.
Thank you SR people for helping me stay in control of my serenity
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Thomas.....you are showing remarkable resolve, I think.....
While it may, indeed, be tempting.....I agree with you that it could make you very vulnerable to all kinds of negative consequences....and, Lord knows...you have had more than your share of that.....
dandylion
While it may, indeed, be tempting.....I agree with you that it could make you very vulnerable to all kinds of negative consequences....and, Lord knows...you have had more than your share of that.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 124
I, too, got a very unexpected text message today. I'm also trying to resist. It's true, responding only sets you back to a painful place. They seem to sense when you've gained some peace. A phrase I learned at Nar Anon last week- these are "invitations to enmeshment." Well I love a good enmeshment party as well as the next guy. But as Three Dog Night said "mama told me not to come. That ain't the way to have fun." Eh?
Stay strong
Stay strong
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 47
I agree with Dandy. I thought that it would be polite to respond to my ex's email a few months ago (when she purported to be making amends). Big mistake. The ensuing back and forth emails were pleasant enough, but I was annoyed by it all. She admitted to still using drugs and her words were nothing new. She tried to twist things and manipulate me. I resumed no contact and felt immediate peace. In the future, if she contacts me again, I simply won't respond because I'm not interested in having that delusion in my life. My life is far more peaceful without any engagement. Delete. Delete. Delete.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 42
Don't get sucked back in. After months of not speaking to my stbxah he called about a month saying he was suicidal and I took the bait reopened communication. He was forced into treatment by his job and he seemed finally focused on sobriety and was very apologetic about everything he put me through . Yesterday he was still completely focused on treatment and making amends. I went to sleep last night thinking he finally hit rock bottom and maybe things would change. Today he found out he got a new job. Any talk treatment or sobriety is done. And every problem in our marriage is once again totally my fault. It never truly changes with A's. Answering one phone call or text can very quickly put us right back into that chaos and misery.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
Thanks for your reinforcement. I woke up this morning feeling very peaceful and happy with how my life is free of unwelcome drama. I only have to feel the dawn sun on my face as I walk to work in the quiet of the early morning to appreciate what living harmoniously brings to my life. Even last night when I decided to go for a swim, I was able to reflect on how being alone gives me the freedom to not worry about meeting someone's expectations, and how getting back together with her would require me to sacrifice so much of my tranquility and self respect for uncertainty and the potential for chaos. I'm not giving anybody that kind of power over my life.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
^ I totally agree , Thomas. My own wxperience with my ex was many many happy moments always disrupted by his chaos and my crazy reactions to his abuse. Why would I ever want that again?! I don't. Delete.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Thomas-how fortuitous...the following came across my feed tonight and I thought exactly of one person-you!
"Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time."
Yep...sounds about right.
"Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time."
Yep...sounds about right.
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