Fava1967

Just broken up with my abusuve alcoholic partner & I am devastated :-(
Love him so much but I can't stay & watch him surround himself with people who prefer him drunk , but I am so heartbroken & just wanna be with him but he puts me last on his list of priorities & is so abusive because I don't like his alcoholic friends coming over

wanttobehealthy

Breaking up with an addict and staying away from them (particularly when and if the promises and claims of how different things will be if you give just one more chance) is so very hard.

This is a great site with a lot of wise people on it who are always amazingly helpful to me and I am glad you are here...

You are doing the right thing and looking out for yourself and making a healthy choice by removing addict behavior and abuse from your life...

Know and trust that you're doing the right thing! You are!

healthyagain

The key word here is "abusive." You do not deserve to be abused. Period. You do have right to stand up for yourself.

Now, you say you love your partner, and I believe you do, but have you ever asked yourself "Why do I still love him when he is mean to me? Don't I deserve better?"

Maybe after the initial hurt is gone, you will start seeing yourself as lucky, dodging the bullet of addiction and alcoholism.

And remember, it is not your fault.

Bekindalways

Welcome Fava. I'm glad you found SR.

The situation you are in just suuuuuuuucks!! Most of us have been in similar situations or still are.

Unfortunately no matter how absolutely right the decision is to end the relationship, it is still excruciatingly painful. Please, please don't let the pain drive you back into the relationship.

Circle-the-wagons all you can by finding people to support you. You may already have friends who are supportive but you might try an Alanon meeting. Come here and post away! Take care of yourself: eat healthy, get exercise even if you cry through the entire walk (I've done that. sigh)

May all the angels of the universe dive bomb you as you grieve the end of this relationship.

Ariesagain

You've made a very brave and intelligent decision, even though it's so painful now.

Be kind to yourself...it will get better. No contact at all...block his number, remove him from your social media, everything...will make it easier.

It will get better!

Fava1967

Wow in the hour or so I have been here those of you have answered have warmed my heart .. Thank you so much for your replies & caring
It's so hard to leave someone you love especially when you know that you are leaving them with people who are helping him to remain an alcoholic
I wish I could stay & help him I love this man so much but I am falling apart myself now
Your replies helped & I so wish I was the only one in the world going through this as its so painful but I am grateful to have your support
Love & best wishes to you all xxx

Ariesagain

Stick around, okay? Especially when you are feeling like going back, which is to be expected. People here understand and are lovely when you need help...also there are lots of members from other time zones, so there's usually someone awake!

Sending you a hug.

Bekindalways

Heya Fava, one other thought for you: If you are a reader at all or even if you aren't, find the book How to Survive the Lose of a Love. It is a fast, easy, comforting read about grief. I read it a quadrillion times when I was grieving my ex meth addicted boyfriend. It really helped me with the pain.

Hang tough you brave woman!

jada1981

Hugs to you! I'm going through the same thing. It is normal to mourn the loss of your relationship (even if it wasn't healthy) and your partner. It WILL get better and easier, and you are doing the best thing for both of you. Reading this helped me: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-illusion.html

NYCDoglvr

I stayed far too long in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. What I learned in Alanon is what I called love was really need and I was viewing his words and actions through the filters of denial and rationalization. I suggest Alanon, the love and support of others involved with alcoholics helped me through a painful period. It also helped to ask myself if I trusted and respected him. The answer was a firm "no"! A big hug.

Liveitwell

I agree with what everyone has said. Much love and support to you. I know how hard it is. But trust that it does get easier. I too hoped I could love my ex back to health-that it was my job and that somehow I had failed and caused him to treat our family the way he did. Things didn't start changing for me until I stopped looking at him and started looking at ME. And I started down the road of recovery myself-asking the really hard why questions. I too, like NYC, was living life through denial, rationalization and hope lenses. Those were my things, among many others, that I needed to focus on. You don't deserve to be abused. Period. Many prayers your way.