From bad to worse- I got arrested!
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 10
From bad to worse- I got arrested!
Yep. I got arrested.
I had already kicked husband out almost a month ago after he went back to active addiction after rehab, packed his clothes and everything. Husband received divorce papers Thursday, I was requesting temporary possession of home to raise our child, he knew his as that was our agreement, he still used property for operation of his business and to store equipment, I hated knowing he was on property but tried giving him benefit of doubt, I wanted to change locks on the house and that sent him overboard, how dare I try and control him like that he told my lawyer.
Next day while I worked he stole our baby's swing set he had hand built and sold it, it was likely worth 10k. He stole from his baby. When I saw it gone I was aghast, I mean it was completely gone, every piece of it. And he was still home so of course I confronted him.
After telling me over and over that he didn't know what I was talking about, like it never existed, wouldn't even look me in the face, he asks how I knew to write a line item about a security camera on my financial affidavit (it had defaulted into form somehow, no value as we didnt have one). I said what are you talking about?, you have a camera?, are you watching me? He says yes that I've been picking his locks and stealing his tools (paranoia from the cocaine, he constantly thinks people are after him).
I allegedly push him after this, push, a grown man that stole my kids swing set, the only good things he's ever done for the baby- then I call the police as I'm scared, he's stealing, he won't leave- they come- and arrest me! Freaking me! And I got taken to jail. Where I spent the night. The most horrible and longest night of my life. Absolutely unbelievable.
Learn from me and don't do what I did above!
He snuck in the house while my mom and the baby slept that night and stole my phone. Showed up at my first appearance wanting to interrupt that he was the victim, he was the victim, he should be able to go home, the judge was mad, he ordered no contact, said the home should be handled in family court and that if our agreement was for me to be there to raise child he shouldn't be there.
He went back to house after court anyways, my mom had to call the police, he wouldnt give back phone until she told police it was my businesses phone not personal property, then he wouldnt leave to allow me to come home until the deputys boss who my lawyer called told them to escort him off the property so that I could come home.
I packed some things and we've been at a friends house, he was seriously scary and I felt like I had no legal protection if he were to mess with me. My lawyers have been scrambling the past few days entering in motion for temporary possession of home, property, child and support. I was adamantly against him having access to the property at all, I tried sharing and it blew up in my face, I went to jail.
Thank the lord as of yest he has agreed to move himself and his business off the property by Saturday, I've agreed to stay away during this time, afterwards I can change locks, we have no contact order, he is not to come to property without written consent. I told my lawyer I only consented to him taking his office stuff out of the house, anything else we need to agree on, I pray he abides and doesn't empty house while I'm gone.
What a freaking nightmare. But you know I honestly think in hindsight this was good for me, I still had a sweet spot for him, I still wondered if he realized what he was doing, I still hoped he was him inside- and he's not, at all, he is a stranger addicted to alcohol and drugs and this experience solidified for me that we are done and that I am making the best decision for myself and my baby by getting away from him, he will stop at nothing to get what he wants and his desperation of losing everything is scary and I need to be careful. Only other good thing is that it really showed his true character and inability to parent as far as my case.
Worst part other than going to jail was that he teased the baby, he hadn't seen the baby in a month, he doesn't care to and he has no ability to care for the baby, but the baby misses him, the baby looks for him in other men's faces, my mom said he would walk by the baby get the baby all excited, then just keep walking away while baby cried. Who teases their own baby
I had already kicked husband out almost a month ago after he went back to active addiction after rehab, packed his clothes and everything. Husband received divorce papers Thursday, I was requesting temporary possession of home to raise our child, he knew his as that was our agreement, he still used property for operation of his business and to store equipment, I hated knowing he was on property but tried giving him benefit of doubt, I wanted to change locks on the house and that sent him overboard, how dare I try and control him like that he told my lawyer.
Next day while I worked he stole our baby's swing set he had hand built and sold it, it was likely worth 10k. He stole from his baby. When I saw it gone I was aghast, I mean it was completely gone, every piece of it. And he was still home so of course I confronted him.
After telling me over and over that he didn't know what I was talking about, like it never existed, wouldn't even look me in the face, he asks how I knew to write a line item about a security camera on my financial affidavit (it had defaulted into form somehow, no value as we didnt have one). I said what are you talking about?, you have a camera?, are you watching me? He says yes that I've been picking his locks and stealing his tools (paranoia from the cocaine, he constantly thinks people are after him).
I allegedly push him after this, push, a grown man that stole my kids swing set, the only good things he's ever done for the baby- then I call the police as I'm scared, he's stealing, he won't leave- they come- and arrest me! Freaking me! And I got taken to jail. Where I spent the night. The most horrible and longest night of my life. Absolutely unbelievable.
Learn from me and don't do what I did above!
He snuck in the house while my mom and the baby slept that night and stole my phone. Showed up at my first appearance wanting to interrupt that he was the victim, he was the victim, he should be able to go home, the judge was mad, he ordered no contact, said the home should be handled in family court and that if our agreement was for me to be there to raise child he shouldn't be there.
He went back to house after court anyways, my mom had to call the police, he wouldnt give back phone until she told police it was my businesses phone not personal property, then he wouldnt leave to allow me to come home until the deputys boss who my lawyer called told them to escort him off the property so that I could come home.
I packed some things and we've been at a friends house, he was seriously scary and I felt like I had no legal protection if he were to mess with me. My lawyers have been scrambling the past few days entering in motion for temporary possession of home, property, child and support. I was adamantly against him having access to the property at all, I tried sharing and it blew up in my face, I went to jail.
Thank the lord as of yest he has agreed to move himself and his business off the property by Saturday, I've agreed to stay away during this time, afterwards I can change locks, we have no contact order, he is not to come to property without written consent. I told my lawyer I only consented to him taking his office stuff out of the house, anything else we need to agree on, I pray he abides and doesn't empty house while I'm gone.
What a freaking nightmare. But you know I honestly think in hindsight this was good for me, I still had a sweet spot for him, I still wondered if he realized what he was doing, I still hoped he was him inside- and he's not, at all, he is a stranger addicted to alcohol and drugs and this experience solidified for me that we are done and that I am making the best decision for myself and my baby by getting away from him, he will stop at nothing to get what he wants and his desperation of losing everything is scary and I need to be careful. Only other good thing is that it really showed his true character and inability to parent as far as my case.
Worst part other than going to jail was that he teased the baby, he hadn't seen the baby in a month, he doesn't care to and he has no ability to care for the baby, but the baby misses him, the baby looks for him in other men's faces, my mom said he would walk by the baby get the baby all excited, then just keep walking away while baby cried. Who teases their own baby
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Bluebirds 
Who teases their own baby
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by Bluebirds
Battery- hit or strike. . . for pushing
Unfortunately yes, it takes something as simple as this (you touching him), to wipe out all of what he did that led up to it.
Lesson learned. And you have a long way to go here so be careful headed down the road from here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
And let me forewarn you a little here.
He may very well empty out the place. And you'll have a right to want it back. But you can't take it, once its left the property. He owns it as much as you do and has a right to take it. The courts may frown on it....but you will have to wait for that day to come instead of taking matters into your own hands.
He isn't stealing anything you both own jointly.
That is unfortunately how the courts will view it.
Be patient. Remove anything you don't want him to take. Return it back to the property after he is supposed to be gone. Do NOT allow anything to disappear of be sold, if its jointly owned by you both.
In the long run, this will work out, but in the short term, many a people have gotten in trouble fighting over stupid stuff that is jointly owned. Don't feed into that.
He may very well empty out the place. And you'll have a right to want it back. But you can't take it, once its left the property. He owns it as much as you do and has a right to take it. The courts may frown on it....but you will have to wait for that day to come instead of taking matters into your own hands.
He isn't stealing anything you both own jointly.
That is unfortunately how the courts will view it.
Be patient. Remove anything you don't want him to take. Return it back to the property after he is supposed to be gone. Do NOT allow anything to disappear of be sold, if its jointly owned by you both.
In the long run, this will work out, but in the short term, many a people have gotten in trouble fighting over stupid stuff that is jointly owned. Don't feed into that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
My heart goes out to you so so so much... The law is not fair, and I can take the flack some may want to give me for this but him dissembling a swingset for a baby to get $ for his addiction and you go to jail for touching him????? Insanity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
What a piece of work.
I got arrested when I was 20 for touching a police officer's arm. Seriously....I touched him. Battery - it was dropped. I hope that is your same experience.
Sometimes negative things have positives....you see the positive, you had a "sweet spot", now you do not. You know what you are dealing with. He's a horrible f*%*!g human being.
Good riddance.
I got arrested when I was 20 for touching a police officer's arm. Seriously....I touched him. Battery - it was dropped. I hope that is your same experience.
Sometimes negative things have positives....you see the positive, you had a "sweet spot", now you do not. You know what you are dealing with. He's a horrible f*%*!g human being.
Good riddance.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
What makes me SO upset for you (and I had this experience too but it was when my xAH assaulted ME and bc I had no bruising -yet- and I was hysterical and he was sociopathic like calm, and I was arrested and not him) is that YOU called the police to report him -- he wasn't reporting you -- he was in the wrong-- and then they come and you were arrested...
It is terrible
I am so so sorry...
I think there is a TREMENDOUS amount of education that needs to occur with police officers about how to not further victimize victims...
I mean, really, you called them for their help-- and you get arrested? SO so so so wrong.
Im so sorry.
It is terrible
I am so so sorry...
I think there is a TREMENDOUS amount of education that needs to occur with police officers about how to not further victimize victims...
I mean, really, you called them for their help-- and you get arrested? SO so so so wrong.
Im so sorry.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
What a gentleman! *sarcasm* Unbelievable.
He took away his child's swing set and then stood by and watched his wife and the mother of his child be arrested and taken to jail...for pushing. Listen, I understand the law, but seriously this is a bit much.
It's a shame you had to go through this. Please be careful going forward.
He took away his child's swing set and then stood by and watched his wife and the mother of his child be arrested and taken to jail...for pushing. Listen, I understand the law, but seriously this is a bit much.
It's a shame you had to go through this. Please be careful going forward.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I am so sorry that you went through that, he is a lowlife stealing from his own child
Do all you can to get the charge dropped or at least lowered to loitering or something very benign like that.
Of course I would never recommend lying to the judge but unless the officer witnessed it, it is your STBXH's word against yours.
Employers and landlords nowadays are way too nosy and you don't want to have a battery charge on your record if in the future you are job hunting or need to rent a place.
Take care of yourself. Hopefully that nightmare will be over soon and you and your baby will have a peaceful content life without the chaos and drama of living with an addict.
Do all you can to get the charge dropped or at least lowered to loitering or something very benign like that.
Of course I would never recommend lying to the judge but unless the officer witnessed it, it is your STBXH's word against yours.
Employers and landlords nowadays are way too nosy and you don't want to have a battery charge on your record if in the future you are job hunting or need to rent a place.
Take care of yourself. Hopefully that nightmare will be over soon and you and your baby will have a peaceful content life without the chaos and drama of living with an addict.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 142
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds in some ways similar to what I have been through as well, and in experience police have never been that helpful, they are legally required to arrest "someone" on a DV call Im so sorry that person was you when it was you calling for help. Not to discourage you from calling the police if you were to ever be in fear again! I wish you are your family the best during this time. The initial separation, moving, shock etc was the hardest part for me, and I always just tried to keep in mind "this too shall pass".
But to reiterate what I have seen above, remove anything you dont want taken, because its not worth the extra stress fighting it in court. My ex took a lot of things from our home I wish he hadnt but I just let it all go, as they were just possessions. The less there is the fight over, the quicker your divorce will be. Wishing you the best.
Im so sorry that person was you when it was you calling for help. Not to discourage you from calling the police if you were to ever be in fear again! I wish you are your family the best during this time. The initial separation, moving, shock etc was the hardest part for me, and I always just tried to keep in mind "this too shall pass". But to reiterate what I have seen above, remove anything you dont want taken, because its not worth the extra stress fighting it in court. My ex took a lot of things from our home I wish he hadnt but I just let it all go, as they were just possessions. The less there is the fight over, the quicker your divorce will be. Wishing you the best.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
WOW. What a horrible way to see his true colors. I'm so sorry you had to spend the night in jail over all of this, even if it did get rid of that "soft spot". The part about him teasing the baby made me cry though, I'll be honest. What an out of control bully. ((((HUGS))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Hangnbyathread
He may very well empty out the place. And you'll have a right to want it back. But you can't take it, once its left the property. He owns it as much as you do and has a right to take it. The courts may frown on it....but you will have to wait for that day to come instead of taking matters into your own hands.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 44
Bluebirds, you made the right decision getting out until he's gone. He sounds seriously unstable. Stuff can be replaced. Start documenting everything.
Praying for you and the baby. Always breaks my heart when little one's lose their male role models. Hope your family circles the wagons around you two.
Praying for you and the baby. Always breaks my heart when little one's lose their male role models. Hope your family circles the wagons around you two.
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