LadyEdith

HI everyone...I'm LadyEdith. I'm married nearly 20 years to a functioning alcoholic who is hell-bent on drinking himself to death. He is verbally abusive to the kids and me and blames me for everything wrong in his life (in his eyes, I do nothing but bring him down). I worried myself sick over how much he drank. Now, I just turn the other cheek and look away as he drinks half a case of beer per day. Our finances are a mess, my clothes threadworn and I put off the most basic of things (like a haircut) in lieu of buying food or paying the light bill. He drinks half of his monthly income and no matter how many times I put it in front of him, he blames our financial difficulties on my paying too many bills.

Anyway, something recent has begun to happen and I have been all over the Internet looking for an answer. My H, who is normally very clean, has begun to, well, stink. I can't explain it, except to describe it as something rotten. My oldest child says it smells like rotten ramen noodle soup. It's a musty, rotting soup kind of smell that permeates EVERYTHING. Our clothes reek of it and I keep a bottle of Febreeze in my desk at work to try and counteract it. It's horrible! I don't know what's going on or why it's happening, but it's enough to make me nauseous every morning when he doused himself in Cologne. I don't even know that he realizes that he smells, but it's not something that one can easily miss.

Has anyone experienced this before? What could it be?

Thank you so much for any help you can provide.

Bekindalways

Welcome Ladyedith and I am so sorry you are here. Your husband sounds like a classic alcoholic.

Some members have mentioned the odor of alcoholics getting very strong. They will probably be by to welcome you and can give their experience.

Do you attend Alanon meetings? I hope we can be a support group for you whether you go to meetings or not.

LadyEdith

Thank you so much...I've not been to Alanon, but I have been to counseling with a drug and alcohol specialist. She has been a help, but was pushing for an intervention. My H refuses to see what is in front of him and an intervention would only make a bad situation worse. He said he always believed he would be dead by the age of 50 and is going to make sure he gets there, IMHO, through drinking.

I'm pretty much beyond wanting to fix our M. Or to be in a relationship. I've emotionally checked out. I can't leave and neither can he. I'm pretty much here until either I figure out a way from this financial black hole he has dug us into or I win the lottery. Either way, I have a ways to go LOL!

Thanks for the smell response. I hope someone can shed some light on it. I'm here in my living room and H is fast asleep upstairs. I can smell it on my clothes and in the furniture. It's horrid!

Sotiredofitall

Yes, the smell can be overwhelming at times. I began to leave a window open and fan on until I couldn't bear it anymore. I've moved to a different bedroom...lock,stock/barrel. He is currently *moderating* . We all know how well that works.

maia1234

Le,
Do u think he could be smoking pot? Sometimes it smells like skunk. Not sure if that could be in his clothes or hair. Just a thought.

All I want to say is every alcoholic is a functioning alcoholic, until they are not. I was with my axh for 34 years 26 married, until I had enough respect for myself and kids and divorced him. You are a strong and powerful women. Take care of u and give him to God to baby sit, you deserve more.

Hugs my friend!

dandylion

LadyEdith.....you might want to google fetor hepaticus and see if it resembles what you are talking about.......

dandylion

Refiner

Hi Lady, and welcome! That smell you describe has been talked about here before and is likely his liver not functioning as it should anymore and now the toxins are being released through his pores. I feel for you!

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome. I'm not a medical professional but there are several alcohol-related conditions that could be causing it.

Living in that home must be hell for you and your children. They are being profoundly affected by this. Have you talked to a lawyer? Believe me, whatever your financial difficulties, there is a way out--waiting to hit the lottery isn't a great plan. Do you work, yourself? Meeting with a lawyer can give you an idea of your options. Do you own your home? Do either of you have a retirement plan?

Another suggestion I will make is contacting your local women's shelter. Verbal abuse IS abuse. An advocate can direct you to resources that will help.

You and your kids don't have to live this way.

Hawkeye13

I agree with Lexie--please check your options--hard as this is for you,
imagine growing up with this as "normal".

Sending you hope, strength, and peace.

LadyEdith

Thank you, everyone, for the kind welcome. And sorry I haven't been back...life has a way of keeping me busy. lol!

To answer some questions. First, I'm the primary breadwinner of the family. AH works part-time in a job that could be lucrative if he worked full time. But that would interfere in his drinking, I suppose. I did see an attorney around 10 years ago, who told me I would wind up paying alimony if we separated. I don't make enough to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads without the meager amount AH brings in. And to pay alimony on top of it, I would certainly lose my home.

LadyEdith

Oh, and I grew up in an alcoholic home. My dad had PTSD from his service in Vietnam Nam and self medicated with alcohol. My mom took us out of the situation and we suffered for it financially. She lost our house and we grew up with my grandparents, which was NOT easy. I think that's why I'm subconsciously doing the opposite of what my mom did, in hopes that things will be better. I don't know if this is the right plan or not, but it's the best I can figure at this juncture.

dandylion

LadyEdith......it would be good to check with a lawyer in this current decade.....
There is a website.....WomansDivorce.com.......
It is broken down by state......it won't substitute consulting with your own lawyer......But, it is very educational in nature...it covers most any area of divorce that you might think of.....

at least, it wouldn't hurt to check it out....
Knowledge is power.....

dandylion

LexieCat

I'd go TALK to another lawyer. Most consults are free. Just because you make more money doesn't mean he is automatically entitled to alimony. You indicated he is capable of earning more, but chooses to work part-time because of his drinking. The court generally will impute income that a person is capable of earning but choosing not to. In addition, he is responsible for supporting his children--and again, income is imputed. And even if divorce caused some belt-tightening (and it usually does, for both parties), and required you to downsize your living space, that's usually far easier for kids to adjust to than to living with the chaos of an alcoholic parent. Especially one who is verbally abusive.

LadyEdith

Thank you...I will check that out. Something has to give here....he constantly starts fights, belittles us to make himself feel better. I've stopped interacting with him as a result. And I'm the bitch, the cold one, the reason why our home is unhappy...

lostangel011

Your home sounds identical to mine. I just heard last night again how everything is my fault and I'm the butch who needs to leave for them to be happy. I'm sorry I know how you feel

LadyEdith

Ugh I hate it! In the morning he is quiet. He does his routine and will almost have a conversation with me. He won't look at me when I'm talking to him but at least I can get through. In the evening it's all insults and arguing. Intimacy went away two years ago. I refuse to be intimate with someone who won't treat me like a human being. But it's all my fault. He didn't get it enough when he was, now he gets none and it's all my fault and I don't deserve to be treated like a human being. Even though I support him. I got my master's degree a few years ago and he said I was using that as an excuse. Umm no, it's you, buddy.

humbug68

Regarding the smell... is it slightly sweet smelling? Could be ketones. Once in a blue moon I became paranoid that I could smell it on myself after drinking too much. Its the smell that diabetics emit when it isnt being properly managed. Ive noticed it on several diabetics.

LadyEdith

It's not sickly sweet. More of a rotting smell. Like a cross between rotting cooked beef and maybe rotting fruit. It's musky, too. And thick. It clings to everything. My oldest child was highly embarrassed on the school bus once because some kids smelled it on her. It was coming from her coat that was hanging in the closet with his. I wash the blankets frequently and our coats. If I wear something that has been hanging in the bedroom closet I wash it first. It's horrible!

LexieCat

I'd suggest telling him. Often alcoholics are very unaware of how they smell to others. Tell him you'd like him to see a doctor because you know he is bathing but he has this smell coming off of him that he must be unaware of, and that something like that can be a symptom of a serious physical problem. It could be something unrelated to the drinking, but regardless of what it is, it's something that should be looked into.

Hawkeye13

This sounds like a nightmare to live with Lady
I hope you consult with the lawyer sooner than later.
I'm sorry you and your kids are enduring this kind of treatment.