It feels like learning how to live again
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
It feels like learning how to live again
Last night, I went to an art class. We have it in our little community and I really like going. I love to hear the ladies chat and giggle and talk about their kids. However, I find it extremely hard to join the conversation. I say a word now and then. Never been a talkative type. But now I can see how poisoned I am by my ex. Because all these years, it was all about him, or his family's drama, criticizing his mom, or his sister, or his boss, or this town, or the people . . . you name it. Just dirt, and negativity, and more dirt. It feels like I've been absent from the society for a very long time, and now I have to learn how to live again, how to be myself.
But the good thing is that I still love people. I was really sad the other day when the class was cancelled. Being in a group of ladies and just listening them talking is almost like enjoying the rays of sunlight and absorbing the warmth after a cold dark winter.
I just do not wanna go back to my past ever again.
And I am looking forward to sunny days.
But the good thing is that I still love people. I was really sad the other day when the class was cancelled. Being in a group of ladies and just listening them talking is almost like enjoying the rays of sunlight and absorbing the warmth after a cold dark winter.
I just do not wanna go back to my past ever again.
And I am looking forward to sunny days.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Yes Ma'am you will start to learn to live again.
It took about 3 months or so before people started saying, "You seem so relaxed", "You are so outgoing" "Gosh you can talk about anything" "You have really done a lot in your life that I never knew about" "You seem so peaceful".
Your old self will come back.
I promise.
And even a new self will show itself also.
It took about 3 months or so before people started saying, "You seem so relaxed", "You are so outgoing" "Gosh you can talk about anything" "You have really done a lot in your life that I never knew about" "You seem so peaceful".
Your old self will come back.
I promise.
And even a new self will show itself also.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Being in a group of ladies and just listening them talking is almost like enjoying the rays of sunlight and absorbing the warmth after a cold dark winter.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Im sooo with ya there. Trying to remember when I lost my sense of self and trying to dig deep for any still missing pieces. Part of me wants to be in groups, part of me wants to be reclusive right now - so I am giving myself both. Both are a struggle at times, but we'll get there!! It's all about what identifying and giving ourselves what WE need....and after worrying about what everyone else needs for so long, it just feels awkward and surreal at times.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
healthyagain.....it is astounding, I think----the capacity that we humans have for adaptation.....
It it were not so....we might be sleeping, like the dinosauers......
All you need is a NUTURING environment.....and, it sounds like having contact with somewhat normal....healthy....others is a vital element for you.....
dandylion
It it were not so....we might be sleeping, like the dinosauers......
All you need is a NUTURING environment.....and, it sounds like having contact with somewhat normal....healthy....others is a vital element for you.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
I'm about to embark on this journey myself, since I have been with my AH since I was 22 (I will be 35 on Friday.) I really have no idea what it's like to be an adult without this toxic relationship hanging over me. I'm a bit scared, but also excited. I think being with an alcoholic can poison our soul and make us bitter. Glad to hear you are making strides.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Oh I so can relate, jada1981! You put it so perfectly and defined it for me. I was with my ex since I was 25. I divorced at 35 and am 36 now. It feels like being transplanted to some different age in a time capsule. A very very strange feeling. Not so much bitter for me. It is more like, "What the *ell happened in the past 10 years? Where am I? Who am I?"
At times I feel physically sick, as if I ate something really bad. But at least I do not miss him anymore.
I do enjoy being out in the world. And I enjoy living alone too.
Things are getting better! I am just waiting to get paid so I can schedule an appointment and see a doctor for a physical exam. That is the next big thing on my recovery bucket list.
At times I feel physically sick, as if I ate something really bad. But at least I do not miss him anymore.
I do enjoy being out in the world. And I enjoy living alone too.
Things are getting better! I am just waiting to get paid so I can schedule an appointment and see a doctor for a physical exam. That is the next big thing on my recovery bucket list.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by Hangnbyathread 
Yes Ma'am you will start to learn to live again.
It took about 3 months or so before people started saying, "You seem so relaxed", "You are so outgoing" "Gosh you can talk about anything" "You have really done a lot in your life that I never knew about" "You seem so peaceful".
Your old self will come back.
I promise.
And even a new self will show itself also.
It took about 3 months or so before people started saying, "You seem so relaxed", "You are so outgoing" "Gosh you can talk about anything" "You have really done a lot in your life that I never knew about" "You seem so peaceful".
Your old self will come back.
I promise.
And even a new self will show itself also.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by healthyagain
Last night, I went to an art class. We have it in our little community and I really like going. I love to hear the ladies chat and giggle and talk about their kids. However, I find it extremely hard to join the conversation. I say a word now and then. Never been a talkative type. But now I can see how poisoned I am by my ex. Because all these years, it was all about him, or his family's drama, criticizing his mom, or his sister, or his boss, or this town, or the people . . . you name it. Just dirt, and negativity, and more dirt. It feels like I've been absent from the society for a very long time, and now I have to learn how to live again, how to be myself.
But the good thing is that I still love people. I was really sad the other day when the class was cancelled. Being in a group of ladies and just listening them talking is almost like enjoying the rays of sunlight and absorbing the warmth after a cold dark winter.
I just do not wanna go back to my past ever again.
And I am looking forward to sunny days.
But the good thing is that I still love people. I was really sad the other day when the class was cancelled. Being in a group of ladies and just listening them talking is almost like enjoying the rays of sunlight and absorbing the warmth after a cold dark winter.
I just do not wanna go back to my past ever again.
And I am looking forward to sunny days.
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