Praying for you, Zircon!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Court Yesterday
Hi,
Didn't have the best day in court. I wasn't represented by a lawyer, couldn't afford it. I asked for the domestic violence order to be dropped and a restraining order according to the divorce statue.
Well my ah lawyer had police reports, with sentences she made me read, taken out of context. I had a rebuttal for everything. Then she starts on my medical condition, that the marriage has been deteriorating since my brain issue, when my personality changed.
I answered that she had no right to talk about my medical condition, asked her what that has to do with abuse? It was awful. Then she went on to say that I took stuff from the house, a recliner, a bedroom set etc.
Told the judge, all I wanted was custody of the house. I said if that's what I wanted, why would I have moved out???
She called me a liar and basically degraded me, used my medical condition. Never thought my ah would stoop so low.
The judge wouldn't drop the domestic violence petition. His lawyer asked if he could move back in the house. That was granted. So waiting for judges ruling.
It was quite an eye opening experience. Lines were crossed that I thought my ah would never cross. Really sad. He looked awful.
I'm thinking you trust your ah with all private stuff for 12 yrs and he thinks nothing of betraying your trust.
My ah, who has always prided himself on telling the truth, has become a liar. I don't know how he can look at himself, and be happy with what he did. Definitely not the man I married.
I'm ok though. I think I needed this to truely understand what my ah has become.
Thank you for listening. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone again.
Didn't have the best day in court. I wasn't represented by a lawyer, couldn't afford it. I asked for the domestic violence order to be dropped and a restraining order according to the divorce statue.
Well my ah lawyer had police reports, with sentences she made me read, taken out of context. I had a rebuttal for everything. Then she starts on my medical condition, that the marriage has been deteriorating since my brain issue, when my personality changed.
I answered that she had no right to talk about my medical condition, asked her what that has to do with abuse? It was awful. Then she went on to say that I took stuff from the house, a recliner, a bedroom set etc.
Told the judge, all I wanted was custody of the house. I said if that's what I wanted, why would I have moved out???
She called me a liar and basically degraded me, used my medical condition. Never thought my ah would stoop so low.
The judge wouldn't drop the domestic violence petition. His lawyer asked if he could move back in the house. That was granted. So waiting for judges ruling.
It was quite an eye opening experience. Lines were crossed that I thought my ah would never cross. Really sad. He looked awful.
I'm thinking you trust your ah with all private stuff for 12 yrs and he thinks nothing of betraying your trust.
My ah, who has always prided himself on telling the truth, has become a liar. I don't know how he can look at himself, and be happy with what he did. Definitely not the man I married.
I'm ok though. I think I needed this to truely understand what my ah has become.
Thank you for listening. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Zircon, so sorry that this continues to be a terrible experience for you. It seems the law is always on the side of the alcoholic, and that we as spouses have very few options other then losing everything and anything and starting over. It's really not fair, and I honestly feel for you.
Please know that I understand, even when it doesn't seem like anyone could possibly understand, I get it, we get it, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Please know that I understand, even when it doesn't seem like anyone could possibly understand, I get it, we get it, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Z-my ex prided himself on telling the truth as well. He is a liar, too. It's what they do! Doesn't make it esier to accept. But it is what it is. I am so sorry about court. Truly. Sending you big hugs and prayers for comfort and peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
At least you know now clearly what you're dealing with--
this is who he is now, in his addicted state.
Act accordingly from now on and cut him no slack in the settlement.
I'm sorry you were attacked in that way
Please take care of you and try to make your new home cozy and peaceful.
Sometimes "nesting" has a healing effect which really helps.
this is who he is now, in his addicted state.
Act accordingly from now on and cut him no slack in the settlement.
I'm sorry you were attacked in that way
Please take care of you and try to make your new home cozy and peaceful.
Sometimes "nesting" has a healing effect which really helps.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Zircon,
I had chills reading your report. It sounds miserable.
On the other hand, good for you for retaining your composure and responding appropriately to unfair attacks.
I hope you can take a breather and get some space today. You're a survivor, right? And you just showed how well you can defend yourself, too.
I had chills reading your report. It sounds miserable.
On the other hand, good for you for retaining your composure and responding appropriately to unfair attacks.
I hope you can take a breather and get some space today. You're a survivor, right? And you just showed how well you can defend yourself, too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
^ Yeppers. And z, remember you're not doing anything wrong by exposing his lies. My ex SIL called me vindictive, etc bc I was telling the truth about her poor little baby brother who can't fight his own battles obviously. Telling the truth, and showing others lies, is not wrong. Lying is!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I'm just exhausted today. Feel like a dish rag. I think still in shock.
You don't ever really know someone, I guess. We think we do, but there are so many things that can influence, and change a persons behavior, like addiction.
I guess, no one is ever really safe and secure in any relationship. They might think they are, but it could change in a second.
Not sure what to think about trusting someone. Will be hard for me to ever do again.
I just feel so broken!
I'm just exhausted today. Feel like a dish rag. I think still in shock.
You don't ever really know someone, I guess. We think we do, but there are so many things that can influence, and change a persons behavior, like addiction.
I guess, no one is ever really safe and secure in any relationship. They might think they are, but it could change in a second.
Not sure what to think about trusting someone. Will be hard for me to ever do again.
I just feel so broken!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Wait, I am confused... how can the RO stay in place AND he can ask to move back in to the house where you are?
I hope the judge won't allow that...
Court with an addict who can afford a sleaze lawyer is hell. I have been there.
Im so sorry he stooped so low -- think of him as a little bully kid on a playground who no one else will play with anymore bc of his bullying and so rather than recognize his own antics he finds ANY weakness in others to spread rumors about to fill his empty soul.
That is what your addict is doing, it's what mine did and does and it's what they all do at one time or another...
So very sorry.
I hope the judge won't allow that...
Court with an addict who can afford a sleaze lawyer is hell. I have been there.
Im so sorry he stooped so low -- think of him as a little bully kid on a playground who no one else will play with anymore bc of his bullying and so rather than recognize his own antics he finds ANY weakness in others to spread rumors about to fill his empty soul.
That is what your addict is doing, it's what mine did and does and it's what they all do at one time or another...
So very sorry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I moved out if the house he wants to move back into. Funny, though, his lawyer stated the only reason I pursued a PO, was so I could have custody of the house. I stated, then why have I moved out, if that's what I wanted. I like yours word, yes, incredibly sleezy!!
Z
I moved out if the house he wants to move back into. Funny, though, his lawyer stated the only reason I pursued a PO, was so I could have custody of the house. I stated, then why have I moved out, if that's what I wanted. I like yours word, yes, incredibly sleezy!!
Z
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Addicts do the same thing narcissists do. When you leave a narcissist and the realize they can no longer control you, they move on to trying to control what others think of you. My ex has fabricated many a story about me-some I literally laugh at...you have to. But truly, as WTBH states, they are the bully on the playground that won't look at themselves. It's very sad to see. Z-you're going to be ok. I understand the feeling of not knowing who to trust and not trusting again. It's so hard when you think you know someone. I thought I knew my ex as well-I would have never guessed he would do what he's done. Truly. You will get past this and you will trust again-first start with trusting yourself!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Zircon 
Hi,
I moved out if the house he wants to move back into. Funny, though, his lawyer stated the only reason I pursued a PO, was so I could have custody of the house. I stated, then why have I moved out, if that's what I wanted. I like yours word, yes, incredibly sleezy!!
Z
I moved out if the house he wants to move back into. Funny, though, his lawyer stated the only reason I pursued a PO, was so I could have custody of the house. I stated, then why have I moved out, if that's what I wanted. I like yours word, yes, incredibly sleezy!!
Z
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,980
Originally Posted by Zircon
My ah, who has always prided himself on telling the truth, has become a liar. I don't know how he can look at himself, and be happy with what he did. Definitely not the man I married.
I'm ok though. I think I needed this to truely understand what my ah has become.
I'm ok though. I think I needed this to truely understand what my ah has become.
Also I so hope you have some way to treat yourself with extreme kindness and care. Please do something super nice for yourself!!
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