Zircon

Hi,
Very nervous about going to court tommorrow. I think an advocate will be going with me from the voices against violence. My ah will have his lawyer present. My lawyer told me what to expect. He counseled me, since I'm out of the house, drop the domestic violence petition, and ask for a restraining order under the divorce statue. My lawyer said, then the judge will ask me questions. Also my lawyer stayed my ah's lawyer will be happy with that because it will be less work for her. I don't understand it all.
My friend is going to pick me up and my sister and husband will meet me there. I'm lucky, I have plenty of support.
It still hard to believe all the changes that has occurred in the last 6 months.
I no longer feel safe or secure. Not sure I ever will. I do not trust myself to make good choices. This has so effected my life and my inner being.
Why do I still have feelings for my ah? Why do I still care what he thinks or about his well being, even though my ah has called me every vial name there is, and told me he no longer loves me.
I am certainly paying for my poor choice, and being accountable for my actions. When is it my ah turn to finally see how awful his actions and behavior is. Or maybe he never will, and will always blame me for everything.
I just need to know how to move on. It is so painful!
Thank you, needed to vent. It helps a lot.

Readreadread

I wish you a as peaceful as possible court day. I had to file an order of protection on my ex, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Zircon

It was probably the most difficult thing I have done in my life as well.
Z

firebolt

Sending you strength today.

I promise - the dust settles eventually, and you will wake up with a renewed sense of strength, beauty, and self.

I hope you are gentle with yourself today. After court, treat yourself - to a book, a bath, a good meal, a mindless show, a good friend, whatever comforts your soul.

Peace to you today my dear.

FireSprite

Sending you so much positive energy & many prayers today!

Liveitwell

Good luck, Z. It's an awful thing to have todo-but he has made very poor choices and left you with no other choice. You will be ok-you will get through tomorrow. As my pastor tells me, there's nothing to fear as Christ has already walked before you! Peace and hugs to you today.

LexieCat

I'd check with your advocate before dropping the petition. To enforce an order under the divorce, you have to go to court and file a petition for contempt, most likely--i.e., you can't call the police to enforce it.

I always recommend following legal advice, but this is a wrinkle you might want to consider.

Zircon

Hi,
Just preseverating over going to court tommorrow. Wish I had a lawyer going with me. The advocate told me she can't give me any legal advice, just support. My lawyer told me what to expect, but it's not the same as having an expert beside you. I'm so hoping it goes well.
This also really solitifies that all this is really happening!!!
My dogs are doing ok. I left them alone the other day, and they did fine. They have been having a few accidents, but I think that's due to all the changes in their lives.
So I guess we're all a mess !!! LOL!
This disease is so heartless. My ah doesn't realize how much he has hurt his dogs, and he is the one who thinks he knows everything about animals! Really sad. My ah doesn't realize yet, he has lost his life, a good life. He probably really doesn't care.
I got to stop my rantings, just having a rough night.
Thank you for listening, I truely need the support.

wanttobehealthy

I opted to NOT drop a RO against my xAH when he had one due to criminal charges...

The option was floated that I could agree to have a no contact order as part of the divorce BUT it meant that if he violated it, it was only a civil issue and NOT a criminal one.

Short version- keeping a criminal RO means that he's arrested the SECOND he violates it. A civil one as part of a divorce is something you'd have to go to court to deal with as a complaint (at least here that's how it is)...

Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you are protected. His lawyer will try and sway you and may even couch it as "don't you want to have things be cooperative and civil?" and try and make you feel like the bad guy... That was my experience with xAH's lawyer amidst his chaotic legal issues...

You're brave and strong and will be ok.... Sending you positive vibes.

sauerkraut

Zircon,
It seems like what you're feeling and saying supports your claims. You "no longer feel safe or secure." Make sure the judge realizes that, and what your X has done to contribute to your sense of unsafety.

Hawkeye13

If you don't feel safe or secure, don't give up the RO

Wishing you good luck today Zircon

firebolt

This may be true....but I hope you realize what YOU are gaining here. Peace, freedom, an opportunity for a beautiful life free of focus on an addict.

Good luck today, and (((HUGS)))