Life After Medical Detox
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 41
Life After Medical Detox
As some of you know I am new to SR and am thankful to all that have offered me great advice. My boyfriend checked himself into a medical detox last night. He did this on his own with no help from anyone. He did the research and found the best facility with an open bed utilizing whatever support system he has (sponsor and therapist). I did drive him to rehab but that is all. He even called his close friends and told them of his struggles. He is no longer hiding his addiction.
I assume this is a positive first step but I cannot expect that this will be a life changing event as he has a long way to go. We do not live together but I am wondering the best way to support him after he is released. I am doing my best to step away from the codependent role which I am learning more about daily. Given his desire to get healthy and the steps he has taken on his own I do want to offer my support while balancing the need to step back and allow him to lead and take ownership of his recovery. Any suggestions will be helpful. Thanks!
I assume this is a positive first step but I cannot expect that this will be a life changing event as he has a long way to go. We do not live together but I am wondering the best way to support him after he is released. I am doing my best to step away from the codependent role which I am learning more about daily. Given his desire to get healthy and the steps he has taken on his own I do want to offer my support while balancing the need to step back and allow him to lead and take ownership of his recovery. Any suggestions will be helpful. Thanks!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
About the only thing you can do to "support" him is not to begrudge him the time and attention he will need to devote to his recovery. Anything you affirmatively try to do that feels like "support"--asking him about his meetings, his AA friends, his sponsor; telling him constantly how proud you are of him, making excuses for bad behavior toward you or anyone else (and I'm not talking about grouchiness, which is pretty normal at first, but rather rude or controlling behavior), "protecting" him by cautioning him about where he goes or what he does--isn't really helpful and may be extremely annoying.
Oh, one other thing--if you drink, yourself, I think it's considerate in early recovery not to drink in front of him. He may insist that you go ahead and do it, but as long as you don't make a big deal out of it, it probably will be easier for him if he doesn't have to watch you drink or smell/taste it on you later. As time goes on that may no longer be an issue, but at that point you can have some discussion about it. For right now, though, I think it's considerate to keep your drinking to times/places where you aren't together.
Oh, one other thing--if you drink, yourself, I think it's considerate in early recovery not to drink in front of him. He may insist that you go ahead and do it, but as long as you don't make a big deal out of it, it probably will be easier for him if he doesn't have to watch you drink or smell/taste it on you later. As time goes on that may no longer be an issue, but at that point you can have some discussion about it. For right now, though, I think it's considerate to keep your drinking to times/places where you aren't together.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
About the only thing you can do to "support" him is not to begrudge him the time and attention he will need to devote to his recovery. Anything you affirmatively try to do that feels like "support"--asking him about his meetings, his AA friends, his sponsor; telling him constantly how proud you are of him, making excuses for bad behavior toward you or anyone else (and I'm not talking about grouchiness, which is pretty normal at first, but rather rude or controlling behavior), "protecting" him by cautioning him about where he goes or what he does--isn't really helpful and may be extremely annoying.
Oh, one other thing--if you drink, yourself, I think it's considerate in early recovery not to drink in front of him. He may insist that you go ahead and do it, but as long as you don't make a big deal out of it, it probably will be easier for him if he doesn't have to watch you drink or smell/taste it on you later. As time goes on that may no longer be an issue, but at that point you can have some discussion about it. For right now, though, I think it's considerate to keep your drinking to times/places where you aren't together.
Oh, one other thing--if you drink, yourself, I think it's considerate in early recovery not to drink in front of him. He may insist that you go ahead and do it, but as long as you don't make a big deal out of it, it probably will be easier for him if he doesn't have to watch you drink or smell/taste it on you later. As time goes on that may no longer be an issue, but at that point you can have some discussion about it. For right now, though, I think it's considerate to keep your drinking to times/places where you aren't together.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: grateful where at
Posts: 52
Advice I was given is don't do for them what they can do for themselves. They are very capable and let them even if complainING about it. Part of the process. It's a selfish time for them at the beginning. At times it's a full time job for them to learn a new way of life. Another thing I found was I had to become healthy spiritually and mentally and take care of me. It's hard at first but not impossible.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,985
Originally Posted by NJ2001
As some of you know I am new to SR and am thankful to all that have offered me great advice. My boyfriend checked himself into a medical detox last night. He did this on his own with no help from anyone. He did the research and found the best facility with an open bed utilizing whatever support system he has (sponsor and therapist). I did drive him to rehab but that is all. He even called his close friends and told them of his struggles. He is no longer hiding his addiction.
I assume this is a positive first step but I cannot expect that this will be a life changing event as he has a long way to go. We do not live together but I am wondering the best way to support him after he is released. I am doing my best to step away from the codependent role which I am learning more about daily. Given his desire to get healthy and the steps he has taken on his own I do want to offer my support while balancing the need to step back and allow him to lead and take ownership of his recovery. Any suggestions will be helpful. Thanks!
I assume this is a positive first step but I cannot expect that this will be a life changing event as he has a long way to go. We do not live together but I am wondering the best way to support him after he is released. I am doing my best to step away from the codependent role which I am learning more about daily. Given his desire to get healthy and the steps he has taken on his own I do want to offer my support while balancing the need to step back and allow him to lead and take ownership of his recovery. Any suggestions will be helpful. Thanks!
Please use this time to learn as much about yourself and how to care for yourself as possible. Read the stickies and maybe get to an Alanon meeting preferably a few different ones as the first might not fit you.
The healthier you are and the less codependent the better for everyone. Many have found meditation, exericise and the books of Melody Beatie to be helpful.
Please let us know how you are doing! May God/theforce/yaweh/ allah/superspook be with you! (-:
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