I need to get away?!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You didn't lie, and he has a lot of nerve asking you to. You tell the truth--the WHOLE truth, and nothing but. He should not be driving. He is a menace to the public, as well as to you.
This is one area where how it affects him is COMPLETELY beside the point. And, incidentally, I'd be very surprised if it was his solicitor who asked that question. My bet is that this is all his own dishonest idea.
This is one area where how it affects him is COMPLETELY beside the point. And, incidentally, I'd be very surprised if it was his solicitor who asked that question. My bet is that this is all his own dishonest idea.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
To withdraw your statement....I believe, would be a form of enabling.
Anything that makes consequences more comfortable for the alcoholic is a form of enabling......
Alcoholics are sooo good at contriving to get their loved ones to enable them....
Another point to consider...going to school and a program like midwifery require very intense focus...it is a real handicap if there is turmoil and discontent in one's home life to contend with during that time. It greatly diminishes ones ability to give full attention to performance and undermines your chance at success....
dandylion
Anything that makes consequences more comfortable for the alcoholic is a form of enabling......
Alcoholics are sooo good at contriving to get their loved ones to enable them....
Another point to consider...going to school and a program like midwifery require very intense focus...it is a real handicap if there is turmoil and discontent in one's home life to contend with during that time. It greatly diminishes ones ability to give full attention to performance and undermines your chance at success....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Rach, just a comment: It seems to me that someone who wants to be a midwife is likely someone with a great deal of compassion and a burning desire to help others. Those qualities would make you a wonderful midwife and are a great asset when used properly.
When they are being used to do for an adult what he is perfectly capable of doing for himself (holding a job, for instance), when they are being used to keep someone from experiencing the consequences of his actions, then those qualities are being misused.
I have to think that the same characteristics that make a good health care worker also make that person a prime target for a user/abuser/addict of any sort. Use your gift for healing and helping in a positive way; don't let anyone play on your giving heart for their own undeserved benefit.
When they are being used to do for an adult what he is perfectly capable of doing for himself (holding a job, for instance), when they are being used to keep someone from experiencing the consequences of his actions, then those qualities are being misused.
I have to think that the same characteristics that make a good health care worker also make that person a prime target for a user/abuser/addict of any sort. Use your gift for healing and helping in a positive way; don't let anyone play on your giving heart for their own undeserved benefit.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
You state he has cheated on you several times.
I am certain others will agree, a cheater is a cheater.
Remove his addiction, and sorry to say, he will still be a deceitful,, manipulating cheater.
Some folks are just morally bankrupt, and he certainly fits the bill.
please save yourself. No good is going to come from this situation.
I am certain others will agree, a cheater is a cheater.
Remove his addiction, and sorry to say, he will still be a deceitful,, manipulating cheater.
Some folks are just morally bankrupt, and he certainly fits the bill.
please save yourself. No good is going to come from this situation.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I feel awful thinking that I'll be leaving him when he could need me the most?
NEEDS you for what, exactly? the man had CHEATED on you SEVERAL times. that right there show that he A) does NOT love you and B) does not RESPECT you. and no amount of sitting around waiting is going to change that.
NEEDS you for what, exactly? the man had CHEATED on you SEVERAL times. that right there show that he A) does NOT love you and B) does not RESPECT you. and no amount of sitting around waiting is going to change that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 10
I completely understand what you are all saying, all these thoughts have already gone around in my own head over and over, then there's that annoying little voice that makes me wonder if he's ok, and I swear I wish I could stop that! I am not going to retract my statement, so will have to wait again now untill the trial and once that is out the way I hope I can start to move on with my life and start doing all the things I have wanted to do to make mine and my children's lives better, thankyou for all of your comments xx
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My XAH usto go for days, sometimes weeks and not drink. It progressed, and now he had a hard time doing so. I believe he drinks every single day at this point, and if not definitely suffers some sort of w/draws.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
alcoholic or not an alcoholic, what part of this equation makes it ok for him to disrespect you with his unacceptable actions? Seriously, he is playing russian roulette with your health, lots of STD's out there.
Please know my words are not meant to cause you any additional hurt, but I cannot help but say this, so you know he cheated on you numerous times, think it's safe to say he probably got away with a few times that you don't know about.
I had a very wise father, and when life was running me off in the ditch , I can still hear him saying. " Oh Annie girl, you can't polish a turd."
And this guy is a turd, even though I have a different few choice words for him, there really is no need to invest any additional energy on his type.
Rach what do you want? and do you really believe this clown is going to deliver?
He has shown you who he is, you just are not willing / able to believe that someone can be that shady. trust me they can.
Please know my words are not meant to cause you any additional hurt, but I cannot help but say this, so you know he cheated on you numerous times, think it's safe to say he probably got away with a few times that you don't know about.
I had a very wise father, and when life was running me off in the ditch , I can still hear him saying. " Oh Annie girl, you can't polish a turd."
And this guy is a turd, even though I have a different few choice words for him, there really is no need to invest any additional energy on his type.
Rach what do you want? and do you really believe this clown is going to deliver?
He has shown you who he is, you just are not willing / able to believe that someone can be that shady. trust me they can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Originally Posted by Rach86 
I completely understand what you are all saying, all these thoughts have already gone around in my own head over and over, then there's that annoying little voice that makes me wonder if he's ok, and I swear I wish I could stop that! I am not going to retract my statement, so will have to wait again now untill the trial and once that is out the way I hope I can start to move on with my life and start doing all the things I have wanted to do to make mine and my children's lives better, thankyou for all of your comments xx
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Rach86
But what if he's found not guilty even after that? Could this come back on me and I end up getting in trouble for it? I seriously wish I could just move far away sometimes, if it wasn't for the fact that the children are happy here
Trying to bully or intimidate a witness is a serious offence, so don't hesitate to call the police if he harasses you about this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 10
My meeting is on Monday so have to get through the weekend :/ I'm not really sure what I'm feeling right now, we share the same local pub, all our friends and mutual friends go there too so it is hard not to see him, I went tonight for a couple with my friend and he was there but we didn't speak or even look at each other. I'm taking it as a good thing because hopefully he is just going to let me try and move forward with my life now but it's strange that he would just do that so easily? Does it mean that we never meant anything this last 4 years? I'm trying my best to be strong I just don't really know what to think
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Just be happy he's not making your life miserable. He may also have been warned not to approach you.
Try not to read his or anyone's mind because whatever you guess people are thinking is often wrong and you just torture yourself for nothing. Set yourself a path for your life, and follow it regardless of his reaction.
Try not to read his or anyone's mind because whatever you guess people are thinking is often wrong and you just torture yourself for nothing. Set yourself a path for your life, and follow it regardless of his reaction.
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