So he gets out tomorrow...Anxiety!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by JLOBYXMAS 
Proof will be 3 months from now when the realities of life bite him back in the ass.
The recovery road is a hard one for most.
I always wish for the very best for my ex's.
But, that does not mean that I need to hear from them.
MB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Thanks for checking, he only picked up his car yesterday, the rest of stuff is still in the garage. Now that he is back I can serve him with papers giving him 30 days to get his stuff or I can dispose of it.
He continued to text me last nite with no response from me, finally I just texted "Please stop" and he respected my wishes for once. No contact today.
ADT came out yesterday and double checked the alarm on the house and changed the codes, so there is some peace of mind in that.
As I mentioned before I don't want to turn this acrimonious, and as long as he is respecting my boundaries then I don't need to escalate the situation, but the second things go off the rails I have the law on my side, and I'm ready and willing to make that phone call.
Praying for the best but preparing for the worst.
He continued to text me last nite with no response from me, finally I just texted "Please stop" and he respected my wishes for once. No contact today.
ADT came out yesterday and double checked the alarm on the house and changed the codes, so there is some peace of mind in that.
As I mentioned before I don't want to turn this acrimonious, and as long as he is respecting my boundaries then I don't need to escalate the situation, but the second things go off the rails I have the law on my side, and I'm ready and willing to make that phone call.
Praying for the best but preparing for the worst.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
J-my ex used the God angle on me too-it was pure manipulation. Sick, sick. Trying to use my faith as a way in. (Ironic that the faith he abused was the reason I was able to walk away-my faith showed me the path away from his very real evil). I have not heard the word God or anything remotely good or pure or decent come out of his mouth since he realized his old bag of tricks weren't working almost a year and a half ago. At one point he sent me a message stating that at 2am in the morning he had gone to the place we met, hit his knees and prayed....whether he did this or not, I truly do not know. I did not respond but cried my eyes out abd prayed for him. But less than 24 hours later I received very threatening messages from him about my atty kicking his ass and that our small town was about to become too small for me. It is a low of a low for soneone to manipulate and threaten using God-but that is on HIM as well. Please just keep doing what you're doing-you're smarter than I was-I still had some hope-but I was preparing for the worst and glad I did-bc it's exactly what I have received. My ex has tried nothing short of ruining me (his words) and slandering me and making up lies to schools, friends, church members, etc. Why? I dunno-he has an evil heart and was pissed I left him and got my kids the heck away from him-an abusive alcoholic? Don't know-and don't care why. That's all on him. I have peace, it's obvious he does not-and that saddens me. I want him to find peace. Sorry, tangent. Just know it can happen and you are right to prepare for it-hopefully it doesn't happen to you.
Friend-your eyes are wide open.
Friend-your eyes are wide open.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Hi All
He's a tool, but I already knew that. LOL. He's actually doing better then I expected with the boundaries. But got a text yesterday that I had anticipated weeks ago. Summary: While we were together I took care of ALL the bills with my income. He got an SSDI check at the beginning of every month, gave me his insurance, motorcycle payment and cell phone, he paid his car note and then the rest was his to do with what he pleased. (Wish I had 700 a month to blow) anyway...inevitably by the third week of every month he was in a nasty mood, because he had run out of money, it was all my fault that I didn't give him spending money, blah blah blah. So anyway, in Nov him got his check and had two weeks to blow it before his meltdown. We then were in LA for four days in December where I'm sure he was pretending to be a big baller with his daughter lavishing her with whatever she wanted while we were there for the Dr. Phil show. I took out his payments for Dec., Jan. and Feb. plus his car pay is auto deducted. Well he thought he was going to be getting out of rehab with about $6000 (not sure where he learned math) when in actuality he ended up with about $1600, and he just didn't understand. Ummm, duh, life still goes on and bills still need to be paid while your away on the tranquil island talking about your damn feelings with the private chef.
Anyway, I got the text yesterday, I told him what I knew and then wished him luck.
It was just a reminder of the years of chaos, the monthly arguments, the stress and strain he put on me. So although it was an unwanted intrusion into my life, it was a gentle reminder of one of many reasons that we can't be together.
He's still saying God will take care of him, I was always taught that God takes care of those who take care of themselves.
He's a tool, but I already knew that. LOL. He's actually doing better then I expected with the boundaries. But got a text yesterday that I had anticipated weeks ago. Summary: While we were together I took care of ALL the bills with my income. He got an SSDI check at the beginning of every month, gave me his insurance, motorcycle payment and cell phone, he paid his car note and then the rest was his to do with what he pleased. (Wish I had 700 a month to blow) anyway...inevitably by the third week of every month he was in a nasty mood, because he had run out of money, it was all my fault that I didn't give him spending money, blah blah blah. So anyway, in Nov him got his check and had two weeks to blow it before his meltdown. We then were in LA for four days in December where I'm sure he was pretending to be a big baller with his daughter lavishing her with whatever she wanted while we were there for the Dr. Phil show. I took out his payments for Dec., Jan. and Feb. plus his car pay is auto deducted. Well he thought he was going to be getting out of rehab with about $6000 (not sure where he learned math) when in actuality he ended up with about $1600, and he just didn't understand. Ummm, duh, life still goes on and bills still need to be paid while your away on the tranquil island talking about your damn feelings with the private chef.
Anyway, I got the text yesterday, I told him what I knew and then wished him luck.
It was just a reminder of the years of chaos, the monthly arguments, the stress and strain he put on me. So although it was an unwanted intrusion into my life, it was a gentle reminder of one of many reasons that we can't be together.
He's still saying God will take care of him, I was always taught that God takes care of those who take care of themselves.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Addicts spend their lives manipulating. He is still very early in recovery, I do wish him the best, but honestly the "God Angle" I just see as another attempt at trying to get at you (clearly not working).
Nobody likes playing a game alone. When he exhausts his manipulations and doesn't receive response (any response will do including screaming), he will most likely move on in search of another playmate. I imagine this will include moving out of your town.......
Good on you for maintaining NC.
Nobody likes playing a game alone. When he exhausts his manipulations and doesn't receive response (any response will do including screaming), he will most likely move on in search of another playmate. I imagine this will include moving out of your town.......
Good on you for maintaining NC.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Hi All, I'm doing well.
He's been texting all about God, finally told him to stop that it was freaking me out, I'm happy for you if you are now a believer but you're freaking me out. He was fine with that. He apparently is living in a hotel, that money is going to run out really quick!!! But guess what?? It's not my problem
I tried going out with friends on Friday, and unbeknownst to me there were several new people to the group, well it freaked me out and I had to excuse myself, ended up in the bathroom crying, and then left to go home and be with my dog. What I learned...I'm not ready to meet new people, I'm still very fragile, and I have to do what is comfortable for me. The only people I can really be around right now are my kids, grandkids, my mom, and one very close friend. Everyone else causes me anxiety. I really am broken behind this whole fiasco.
I'm going to order a vest for my dog making him an emotional support animal and take him everywhere with me ....lmao!!!!
He's been texting all about God, finally told him to stop that it was freaking me out, I'm happy for you if you are now a believer but you're freaking me out. He was fine with that. He apparently is living in a hotel, that money is going to run out really quick!!! But guess what?? It's not my problem
I tried going out with friends on Friday, and unbeknownst to me there were several new people to the group, well it freaked me out and I had to excuse myself, ended up in the bathroom crying, and then left to go home and be with my dog. What I learned...I'm not ready to meet new people, I'm still very fragile, and I have to do what is comfortable for me. The only people I can really be around right now are my kids, grandkids, my mom, and one very close friend. Everyone else causes me anxiety. I really am broken behind this whole fiasco.
I'm going to order a vest for my dog making him an emotional support animal and take him everywhere with me ....lmao!!!!
That's the best!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Dandylion, through the past five years with my XAH I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. So I'm typically just on the verge of an anxiety attack most days if not all. I believe, that the added stress of trying to meet new people was just the trigger my overtaxed brain needed to send it into panic mode. I'm typically very outgoing and have no problem in social situations but am probably suffering from some PTSD at this point as well.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,374
As always, the posts here help many others besides the initial posters.
I can relate to the anxiety and PTSD and the stresses of meeting new people. One of the things I have found challenging is the small-talk where people enquire about one's circumstances - relationships, children, employment. Maybe folks in my town are nosier than usual!
But I think it's getting easier, so, JLOBYXMAS, just do what's best and kindest for yourself while you need to. ((hugs)) and best wishes.
I can relate to the anxiety and PTSD and the stresses of meeting new people. One of the things I have found challenging is the small-talk where people enquire about one's circumstances - relationships, children, employment. Maybe folks in my town are nosier than usual!
But I think it's getting easier, so, JLOBYXMAS, just do what's best and kindest for yourself while you need to. ((hugs)) and best wishes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Thanks caramel. I never in a million years understood or thought that I would suffer from these disorders, but there's a saying....
Depression, anxiety and panic attacks are not a sign of weakness...they are sign of someone trying to be to strong for two long.
I think many of us can relate to that.
Right now my peace is my family and dog ��
Depression, anxiety and panic attacks are not a sign of weakness...they are sign of someone trying to be to strong for two long.
I think many of us can relate to that.
Right now my peace is my family and dog ��
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