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I need to vent...care to join me?

Old 02-20-2016, 09:33 PM
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I need to vent...care to join me?

This is me sending a nasty email to my XAH:

This is me slapping myself every time I convince myself to NOT engage with my EXAH:


I am so freaking tired of his tactics, his mean crap, his 'cute names' he uses for my new boyfriend calling him Super Boy to our son.

He is trying to NOT pay child support right now because my boyfriend is living with me for the next 6 weeks. My guy's house will be done in early April and my XAH claims that he will not pay child support since he won't pay for a roof over my new man's head, etc. Ummm, I'm sorry....but, don't I have a job too?

I have been letting him just write me a check and mail it monthly and it's been getting here quite late the past few months; usually arriving around the 8th or 9th. I haven't said anything yet, but I'm getting ready to use the Clearing House and do wage garnishment but I'm afraid that I'll jeopardize his reimbursement of other costs that he agreed to repay me for.

UGH...I'm just tired of reading his emails. He's a child of God, he's a child of God, he's a broken hurting man, right........argh....That is how I convince myself to NOT engage.

You know, here I am ready to start a new job and a new career path. I spent the day with my boyfriend's oldest daughter today and we had a great day. Shopping, laying in the grass at the park, baking a cake, etc. My relationship with my man is great, my son is doing well for the most part and is now driving on his own. My boyfriend is going to sell me his older Audi to give to my son and he's going to sell it to me for below book value.
I am in a good relationship, I still love my guy, I'm still attracted to him and I feel like we have something really good together, I love his family and how his dad always greets me with a huge kiss and tight hug. My son has accepted my man and his kids and the kids all get along together great.

So, in comes my XAH.....and my whole program goes out the window. My mental health takes a beating. My self esteem goes down the drain, but just for a few minutes. Either way, it's too much and too long. I hate the fact that this man will be in my life forever since we share a child together. Some days it kills me that I was married to him for 20 years. It really does.....
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Old 02-20-2016, 09:41 PM
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Liz.....he is responsible for paying the child support.....even if you were l iving in a frat house.....
He needs to be welcomed to the real world......

My first husband..my children's father.....tried to pull the same thing as I was about to remarry...six years after our divorce.....
A letter from my lawyer to h is lawyer put the nix on that!

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Old 02-20-2016, 09:48 PM
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Ever see the South Park episode "The Hobbit"? The premise is that Kim Kardashian is a hobbit- or maybe not, who knows?
Anyway, the character Wendy is repeatedly told that she is "totally jellie" of KK and that she needs to go to "jellie school" and possibly eat a "jellie donut."
To summarize, I think your ex is "totally jellie" of your new man and that he probably needs to go to "jellie school" and also eat a "jellie donut."
When I told my ex I was moving, he became obsessed with the idea that I was moving in with a man and demanded details. I wished that I'd had some to give him, just to torture him (keep in mind that he got married 6 months after I left).
So in summary, Kim Kardashian is a foot-shaving, pipe-smoking hobbit and your ex is totally jellie (and also all that other really Alanon stuff you said). Send him a box of donuts and a copy of the court order for child support.
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Old 02-20-2016, 09:56 PM
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^^^^^^lol....lol....thanks for the visuals, ladyscribbler!!!!!

foot-shaving, pipe-smoking hobbit....Kim Kardashian.....don't you just love it!!!!!

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Old 02-20-2016, 10:19 PM
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That is hilarious! ^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thanks, lady s......love the jellie story!
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Old 02-21-2016, 12:40 AM
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My DIL's ex skipped the really minimal child support payments for his daughter too and my son and DIL took up the slack. Once he moved back locally of course it was all about enforcing his 'rights' for access, never mind that he worked off the books so his child support couldn't be deducted from his wages. It did him no good in the end - he hasn't seen her for years.

What I couldn't understand was how he could let another man pay to support his child. You'd think he'd have more pride.
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Old 02-21-2016, 04:26 AM
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Sounds like you tried to make payment arrangements with him that weren't court ordered? If so, you realize that would only work if there was any trust or respect. I think you can kiss any non-court ordered reimbursement goodbye and I would start garnishing his wages.
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Old 02-21-2016, 04:43 AM
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Are the expenditures he has agreed to cover part of the divorce agreement?

I'd probably send him a very "business" email regarding payments of his child support including what will happen if he refuses to pay for the next 6 weeks, and I would give him 7 days to cough it up before filing contempt. As for the other things he has agreed to pay.....once you set a precedent of allowing him to dictate when he will and won't pay child support you have lost the war. it will never stop. While you may lose some things he promised to pay in the long run you will be better off tightening the noose and letting him know who is boss....the Courts are the boss.

Perhaps it would also be good to empower your son that he does not have to discuss anything about your life with your Ex.
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Old 02-21-2016, 05:22 AM
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Everything red said.

These guys are such idiots--cohabitation can affect alimony (depending) but it has zero to do with child support. He needs a big fat wakeup call.

Happy for you that things are going so great otherwise!
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Old 02-21-2016, 05:44 AM
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What Lexie and red said. These guys are idiots and are obviously illiterate as well (I guess that's my exs reason he doesn't do one thing the court orders-even when my attorney sends letters or threatens). My ex only pays support when I file papers against him-he's a narc and only cares about looking good when needed. These "men" disgust me.
As a funny story (not really funny but I have to laugh at his delusions and crazy) my ex was at a soccer practice last fall and conplained to a friend of mine about child support. My friend almost lost it-she knew he hadn't paid a dime until I filed contempt charges against him-he hadn't even paid the current month at that time. My friend was just like, um, there's something wrong with him. Well. Duh. We all know that!
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Old 02-21-2016, 11:35 AM
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HAHA! I needed that 'jellie' stuff to laugh at today, honestly. Funny, but in XAH's email he refers to my new guy using any other name but his. My new guy's name begins with a J and my XAH will write, "I don't know what you and Justin (wrong name) have going on but I need you to handle the high school tennis matches this week." Then later in the email he says something about Jonah's car and then he again calls my guy another name that starts with J. It's the most immature and comical thing to read.....unfortunately since I was married to this idiot for so long, I feel that his email just reflects badly upon me because I stayed with someone as immature and childish as he is for so long! UGH!!!

I just got back from church with my son. I totally needed some God in my heart and soul today BEFORE I send the email to my ex.

As for reimbursement of other expenses: yes, they are included in the divorce decree. Most costs are split 50/50 and I have to admit that he's been good about reimbursing me for our son's tennis costs, school costs, and car insurance stuff, etc.

He's just really slow to get it done. I handed him a receipt 2 weeks ago asking for reimbursement of expenses and I still haven't seen a check. And, the child support being late is driving me crazy but I tolerate it because he does actually pay for the other stuff, even if it's on his time schedule and not mine.

Also, my XAH will only be paying child support for another 15 months, when our son graduates from high school. Thankfully, this will be a very short lived deal with him but we will be splitting other costs as we move forward and as our son goes to college or trade school, etc.

There are days when I panic about al the upcoming costs and then there are days when I see that I will be OK for the next 2 years as long as I'm smart and keep my miscellaneous expenses down, etc. It's all part of adjusting to being a single mom!
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Old 02-21-2016, 11:46 AM
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Lizatola-I feel ya-I cringe at my exs actions-I thought it reflected on me too-as I spent over a decade with him. Immature abd evil are understatements!! Hey-I hope you and Jeremiah (!) have a great Sunday afternoon!
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Old 02-21-2016, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls View Post
Lizatola-I feel ya-I cringe at my exs actions-I thought it reflected on me too-as I spent over a decade with him. Immature abd evil are understatements!! Hey-I hope you and Jeremiah (!) have a great Sunday afternoon!
BWAHAHA! Thanks! But, Super Boy Jeremiah is installing a new tile floor in the kitchen of one of his rental houses this weekend and I have to head to the airport to pick up a friend later. Super Boy will be home later tonight and I'm looking forward to his big hug and just laying on the couch with him later. My son is getting a real initiation to seeing what his mom in love looks like, lol. The more my guy lives here, the more comfortable we've become with physical affection in front of my son and it's been 'so far, so good' thankfully! The only bad part is that my guy sleeps in my guest bedroom because we want to se the right example for the kids and make sure my son is comfortable, and I kinda miss him at night...wink wink!
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Old 02-21-2016, 12:49 PM
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I thought that Super Boys are usually named Steve? It does not matter, as long your ex is an ex.

A rose is a rose is a rose, and an ex is an ex is an ex. :p
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