Green Eyes

Lily, Been there and feel for you. As much as we tire of hearing "time will heal", it really does. Be good to yourself.

Petunia, I felt the strength in your post and I want to be there. I thought I was on my way but have backtracked a little. Your post was very powerful, thank you.

lilly54

Petunia, and everyone..... That is what I feel, kicked in the gut but it doesnt go away, the pain and hurt just continue to ache and the thoughts churning around and around in my mind dont help. I cry in the grocery store when I , without thinking, start getting things for him, then I am embarressed and leave without getting my groceries. Some days are easy and feel good, then I go to bed and the night seems a million hours long in my (our) big ol bed, and no matter what I do to try to sleep or think about anything other then is just doesnt work.
I try not to feel sorry for myself and try to remember that even though he has 10 months sober he is still sick and that this is all part of his illness...that I want him to stay sober so he has to do whatever it takes but then again I hate him for what he has so selfishly done to me and what I have allowed myself to become in always doing for him and not for myself,,I know that I will at some point make it to the other side, itjust seems so very far away today...

Thanks Again to everyone,

Lilly

splendra

lilly-

Not much time has past since he left right? The tears are cleaning you out,washing your eyes clean. You will see things differently and the tears and pain will leave as soon as you have been able to process all that has happened....

I hope you can start considering what it is that you need to get on with your life soon. Unfortuanately the only way out of the pain is through it. I am sure you are still in shock. Take good care the best revenge is to live well!!! Not to imply that you are looking for revenge.

jessieandme2003

Lilly,

We have been there. I have felt exactly as you describe. So please know that you are moving through a bad time that will come to an end eventually.

At first, when it is as hard as it is now, just take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. Tell yourself that for right now you aren't going to think or plan beyond that if you don't want to.

And for each hour, each day, look back and see you got through it.

I understand about the groceries, I had many similar situations. I couldn't watch Family Feud, even for a second, because it was something he loved and would make me come and sit and try to guess all the answers. I couldn't cook dinner, at all, because I realized all the dinners I cooked were about what he loved. It hurt.

So I didn't.

One day at a time, Lilly. And slowly it hurts less.