Timetoheal12

I am not trying to say that I feel sad about no longer being together with him. I did feel that way for a long while, but now, It's more that I feel sad about the path he has chosen for himself.

Today, just a few minutes ago, I saw in my newsfeed of facebook a photo where he was with a mutual friend we have.

Exabf looks old, sad, drunk, tired, unhealthy.
He is not the same guy. He is not the guy I met 3 years ago... He is not the person I fell in love with.

I cried. I am being honest when I say I cried because he is so full of potential. He is intelligent, has a lot of talent when it comes to music...
Yet he is choosing to drag himself down. Yet he is choosing to stay the same and get worse.

I know it wasn't my fault. I know he is an adult and has the ability to decide his path. I know life isn't easy. But it is very sad. I wholeheartedly felt, at the moment I saw the picture, that I had forgiven him for all his lies, insults, and everything he did to me.
I forgive him. I hope he gets better and leads a happier and healthier life someday. I really hope he does.

LexieCat

Sure, it's a sad thing, of course it's OK to feel sad.

As long as you don't make it your mission to help him, or keep checking to see how he's doing, or allow it to drag you down on a constant basis. Those are pretty much the danger zones, and if you feel yourself drifting in those directions it might be wise to block him so you don't get photos, either.

honeypig

TTH, I think it is very normal to get sad when someone who was part of your life, someone who you cared about, seems to be wasting their life, talents and potential. I think you'd be less than human if you didn't feel something.

The thing to remember is that whatever you feel is whatever you feel, and it can never be wrong.

The only way to go wrong is to take an action based on that feeling that would be a wrong action.

So feel what you feel, as deeply and as long as you need to feel it. Just don't let it turn into wallowing or beating yourself up, don't let it convince you to take actions that are not yours to take. You are just being human.

Bird615

I felt the same way when I left my boyfriend, but then I'd been feeling that way a long time before I left. I stayed as long as I did because when he wasn't drinking, he was kind, helpful, funny, charismatic and charming. It seemed like everyone loved him.

I was only able to leave when I accepted that he was not going to stop drinking and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I grieved the loss of a dream, the loss of potential, and the waste of a life.

What helped was accepting how I felt as I moved on. I cried as much as I needed to.

Timetoheal12

Hi Lexie, thanks for your advice.

I blocked him the day after our break up, wich was almost a year ago, and I haven't unblocked him since.
The photo I saw was uploaded by a friend I do have added on facebook, and he is also friends with my ex.
I might unfollow him not to see pictures on the future.

healthyagain

It is normal to get sad from time to time. It is not ok to ignore how we feel. An emotion is your emotion even if negative. Embrace it, feel the pain, and then let it go.

Redheadsusie

I understand how you feel I saw my Ah the other day and he just looks sad depressed not well and the Codie in me wanted me to ask how he is doing and hear all about it but I didn't but it makes me sad. Sending hugs ! Heartbreaking isn't it !

HHTexas

Hugs. Big hugs. AH is brilliant. Really really smart and talented. And throwing it alllll away in the spiral. I can go down a dark path if I really internalize it all. It's a devastating disease.

Ally89

A similar thing happened to me.

It was 2 days before my first xmas without him in 5 years. I have also blocked my ex but long story short I got a new phone and had to go through the process again. I saw a picture. The first feeling was shock. I hadn't seen his face for 3 months at that point after being together everyday. He looked terrible. Bloated face, it looked like he'd taken a selfie in a dark alleyway or something. Just against a wall with hardly any light. Not smiling. In all honesty he looked scary, unstable. I had to show my sister for an objective perspective because I was in shock and thought I might be overreacting. She was also shocked so I knew it wasn't just me. It was truly like looking at a stranger. He cannot be in his right mind to use that photo.

I cried for about an hour hoping he isn't going to die. I will never understand addiction and am bitterly sad that it is part of my story now