theuncertainty

Small update and vent: Well... He didn't pick up the packet until 4 days after his deadline to send a response. Had he filed a response on the last day possible, I would have had until the 10th to file my response to his response. I received a notice that our case has been administratively reassigned to a different judge. It's now the 20th. I'm not sure how much longer everything will take. The reassignment makes me a bit nervous. The last judge got to hear everything first hand. Will a new judge who didn't hear and watch him get caught in lie after lie understand?

Plus side, the State caught up with him (at least temporarily) and started collecting partial support payments. Less than what they'd been pulling before he moved to California with his current GF. The shiny new motorcycle he posted to his FB must be paid for by her, because, based on what Child Support Services is pulling, he can't even afford my car, which is much cheaper than that cycle. So the only issue still remaining for my court motion is him paying his share of DS's uncovered medical expenses.

And here's the vent: yesterday, he updated his FB profile photo to a picture of DS and his father (DS's grandpa) from over 6 years years ago. Comments and Awwws all around about so sorry AXH, today must be so hard for you. His GF posted a huge Happy Father's Day to the most kind-hearted, generous, loving man ever. (Each GF has called him that. And pretty much word-for-word... I wonder when she'll have to take out a restraining order on him....)

Her kids are grown and she's a grandma - it's not likely he's playing dad to her children. He sure as h-ll ain't being a father to his own son. How does he deserve an Awww and happy father's day. He's such a liar. I vented on FB yesterday evening - I probably shouldn't have - and I thought I'd be able to let it go, but I'm still angry. I had to sit and watch DS watch the other dads and kids and pretend to not be sad because we were with Grandpa, my dad. But it was there; when he didn't think anyone was looking, DS looked so sad and didn't want to talk when we got home. Lying sack of excrement playing on and twisting things he's continuously doing to hurt DS and getting sympathy for it. Craven flap-jawed prevaricator. May all his actions come back and kick him in the teeth.

Ok.... feeling slightly better now.

LexieCat

Aw, hugs, tu. He's everything you said and more. I'm glad your little guy at least had his grandpa to celebrate with--I know it isn't the same, but at least he has people in his life who TRULY care and don't just exploit their status as biological contributors to his genetics.

It's a shame about the reassignment, but judges do talk to each other, and the new one might very well consult with the old one.

Hang in there--glad you're at least getting some support.

firebolt

Haha! I'm laughing at your creativity (Craven flap-jawed prevaricator in particular) - not at the situation. How sad for DS - and you, mama.

No words of wisdom from me - just hang in there and vent all ya need!

Liveitwell

TU-I so feel your pain. True narcissist, eh? My ex has done the same. On his new company website (that sissy is running-of course!) it says he's a father. Uh huh. Yes, he did donate sperm and is biologically a dad/and that's where it ends. Sad that I'm sure his victim stories invoke much of the same responses as your ex got. Too bad for your son but sounds like he's much better off without "dad" in his life.

Sick twisted peeps, friend-but you got out, you got your son out-you are good, momma!!!!

Hugs, friend.

theuncertainty

Firebolt, I'm really trying to get a handle on the sailor-rugby player language that pops up when certain (mostly AXH related) stuff comes up. I figure at least this way, I have to take a breath and think about what's coming out of my mouth.

Thanks, Lexie. I feel better thinking that the new judge may consult with the first.

I'm so grateful for my Dad, brother and brothers-in-law - and a few friends that DS calls Uncle. It's not the same, but DS knows he's loved. He jokes about being the spoiled baby of the family, which he kind of is -- the youngest, at least (IMHO, I don't think he could ever act spoiled). "Who else got to help Grandpa build his deck, Mom? No one. Not K. Not C. It was just me and Grandpa. " It's all about quality-time together for DS.

dandylion

uncertainty.....it is beyond me how/why the "new women" in a man's life are so confident that what they are being told about past relationships is the truth!!

I think that the past relationship should be examined under a microscope ,,and a full autopsy performed. If "He" can't answer, in detail, what his part in the failure of the relationship was...and explain the dynamics....then I don't think he
is ready for a new relationship......

At least, you will have the inner satisfaction of knowing that she will get to watch her shiny new boyfriend turn to a warm pile of crap......
I wonder what she will say on facebook when that occurs?

Is it nice for me to say this?........No......Dandylion isn't always nice!

theuncertainty

FOG, I never would have thought of AXH as narcissist, because he was always so kind of "aw, shucks, ma'am, it was nothing" (not quite in that manner but you get my drift) if he did something nice and was thanked for it. But I've been reading up on the term and narcissistic personality disorder and so many of the stunts he's pulled seem to fit. One of the biggest flags should have been all the times he stormed off work because he was "dis-respected" when they were too stupid to listen to his advice on how to do things.

And looking back, it seems like the "aw shucks..." was just an act. Because, well, what's the first thing people do when some one who did something nice says that? "No. Really. Thank you. That was so kind. You didn't need to. That's just so wonderful..." It was like an ego pump.

And when AXH had his own business, his sister "helped" him run it, too. She even took out a 2nd mortgage on her home in order to help fund it.

Liveitwell

^ my ex sister in law prob did the same thing. She would sell her own soul and children to rescue and save her poor brother. Ha. True idiot.

Yes, the more I learned about NPD the more aha moments I had-same as you. Literally-it all fell into place. My ex was also the same way-always helped everyone and then threw them under the bus when we would leave. I can't tell you how many times we were at someone's house and he would rant and rave on the way home, "did you see that? Xxxx can't cook steaks for sh$t....God, doesn't anyone know how to do anything or do I have to do everything? I'm the only person that gets stuff done ". Yes, yes....where would anyone be without him. Bleh. NPD in a nutshell.

YOU are going to be ok....seriously.

theuncertainty

Dandylion, I know, right? It astounded me that the GF AXH moved in with before we divorced STILL thought he was the most kind-hearted, wonderful, loving man, even after she found out he lied about being divorced, and was calling her "just a landlord" to both his wife and his sister. She'd said she'd never call him an alcoholic, just that he had a problem with drinking because of his divorce, and she still insisted he was so honest. It changed about a year and a half later. In her final e-mail to me, she told me that 1. she got a restraining order against him. 2. he was an alcoholic sex addict, compulsive liar looser [sic]. It was so hard not to write back and say I knew all of that and "Darling, based on how moved in with you under the lie that he was divorced, how did you convince yourself that he _wasn't_ a liar?" Based on the paperwork for her restraining order, his abuse escalated to include hitting her and drugging her for s*x.

All of this, and everything that was discussed during our divorce and custody hearings is out there for any new GF to find. She may not believe it all at first, but at least she'd have a warning of what's coming. And if AXH keeps to his routine, the current GF has about 6 months to a year left before he stops trying to be so charming, give or take, depending on how fixated she is on helping him.