Packing To Move
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Packing To Move
Hi,
Just packing to move on Wednesday to my new little house rental. I'm very nervous because right now I'm on a fixed income, but I think I'll be ok. Once our house is sold and I'm bought out of the business, really not worth much, I'll be able to breathe better.
It's hard to belive how much you accumulate in 12 years.
My ah, came back to the house this week with police escort to get personal things. I left for him his mom's little dog that we took, because he always said he wanted her. Told me I could have the other 2 dogs, but not her. So I left her for him to take. Told the police as well. The police told me, he didn't want to take her because the our business, is where he is staying us too cold. That is really not true. She spend time there. I'm moving Wednesday and can't take her. They are allowing my 2 dogs only. I'm going to call the police on Tuesday and ask that he come get her.
It is truely sad what's happening in my life, but I think sadder for my ah. He is going down such a destructive path. He was the love of my life, my soul mate. I have to keep reminding myself, my ah isn't that hero that I married. He is allowing his demons control his life.
I never saw my life turning out this way. Had the best life. How quickly life can change, so cherish each day.
I been having frequent meltdowns, but them remind myself, how stressful my life was, I was a prisoner in my own home, to whatever mood my ah was in.
There were no longer any good days. My ah always found something to blame me for, or a name to call me, it I didn't do things the right way.
To all the people on this form that share my story, so many going through the same thing. This is probably the most ugly disease I have ever encountered. I am a nurse and have seen plenty.
As hard as it is, we must start thinking of taking care of ourselves and our children, because our alcoholic spouse has stopped thinking about us, but only the next drink.
No one deserves to be threatened, belittled or degraded for who they are.
I am slowly learning these things, and know my journey has just begun.
My ah doesn't love me, told me he has fallen out of love with me, but still cares about me. My ah wants to be friends. I don't think so, not for a long time or ever.
I haven't fallen out of love with my ah, I love him very much, the man he used to be. I will carry those memories with me always, but will move on to a life without shame and abuse.
Thank you all for listening, I just needed to vent tonight.
Just packing to move on Wednesday to my new little house rental. I'm very nervous because right now I'm on a fixed income, but I think I'll be ok. Once our house is sold and I'm bought out of the business, really not worth much, I'll be able to breathe better.
It's hard to belive how much you accumulate in 12 years.
My ah, came back to the house this week with police escort to get personal things. I left for him his mom's little dog that we took, because he always said he wanted her. Told me I could have the other 2 dogs, but not her. So I left her for him to take. Told the police as well. The police told me, he didn't want to take her because the our business, is where he is staying us too cold. That is really not true. She spend time there. I'm moving Wednesday and can't take her. They are allowing my 2 dogs only. I'm going to call the police on Tuesday and ask that he come get her.
It is truely sad what's happening in my life, but I think sadder for my ah. He is going down such a destructive path. He was the love of my life, my soul mate. I have to keep reminding myself, my ah isn't that hero that I married. He is allowing his demons control his life.
I never saw my life turning out this way. Had the best life. How quickly life can change, so cherish each day.
I been having frequent meltdowns, but them remind myself, how stressful my life was, I was a prisoner in my own home, to whatever mood my ah was in.
There were no longer any good days. My ah always found something to blame me for, or a name to call me, it I didn't do things the right way.
To all the people on this form that share my story, so many going through the same thing. This is probably the most ugly disease I have ever encountered. I am a nurse and have seen plenty.
As hard as it is, we must start thinking of taking care of ourselves and our children, because our alcoholic spouse has stopped thinking about us, but only the next drink.
No one deserves to be threatened, belittled or degraded for who they are.
I am slowly learning these things, and know my journey has just begun.
My ah doesn't love me, told me he has fallen out of love with me, but still cares about me. My ah wants to be friends. I don't think so, not for a long time or ever.
I haven't fallen out of love with my ah, I love him very much, the man he used to be. I will carry those memories with me always, but will move on to a life without shame and abuse.
Thank you all for listening, I just needed to vent tonight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Zircon I am sorry I know this has been hard but I am hopeful that once you get in your new place that you will feel better.
I take it that he is moving back into the house - perhaps it would be better to address the Dog issue sooner? I suppose if you move out on Weds he could come back on Weds and stay with the dog?
I take it that he is moving back into the house - perhaps it would be better to address the Dog issue sooner? I suppose if you move out on Weds he could come back on Weds and stay with the dog?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Oh Zircon, ((HUGS)). I am glad you are moving into a new space, and hopefully the dollars will sort themselves out soon and you'll have a little breathing room.
I understand the sadness that comes with watching someone you loved so much fall deeper and deeper. My STBXAH is very much in a downward spiral right now, which has always been his pattern in the winter. Each winter is a little worse than the winter before, and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he becomes unable to pull himself back out of it come springtime when his work hours increase and he spends less time sitting at home drinking.
It breaks my heart, too, to see him transformed by alcohol into someone unrecognizable. But as much as I'm sad about that on some days, I work really hard to keep the focus on myself, and how far I've come, and how much healthier I am, and my kids are, now that we're out.
I understand the sadness that comes with watching someone you loved so much fall deeper and deeper. My STBXAH is very much in a downward spiral right now, which has always been his pattern in the winter. Each winter is a little worse than the winter before, and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he becomes unable to pull himself back out of it come springtime when his work hours increase and he spends less time sitting at home drinking.
It breaks my heart, too, to see him transformed by alcohol into someone unrecognizable. But as much as I'm sad about that on some days, I work really hard to keep the focus on myself, and how far I've come, and how much healthier I am, and my kids are, now that we're out.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The police can't force him to take the dog. If you can't take her, you will have to call the shelter if you can't find another home for her.
Hope the rest of the move goes smoothly. You'll feel better once you start getting settled in your own house.
Hope the rest of the move goes smoothly. You'll feel better once you start getting settled in your own house.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Poor little Doggy ��. They become the discarded carnage from the chaos too many times. I hope you can re-home her as he obviously doesn't give a **** about her, either.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 02-13-2016 at 03:18 PM. Reason: Removed foul language
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi All,
I am an animal lover, I'll pay extra for her to come with me if he won't take her. She's had a rough live, so doesn't need to go to a new family. I would have taken her with my other 2 dogs, but he said it was his moms dog, which it was, and he wanted her. I understood that. The irony to all this is my ah, in one of his abusive rages stated that he had affidavits signed by his friend that I can't take care of pets, and kill dogs!!!! How stupid!!!! And deceitful, now I'm good enough to take care of his moms dog!
Today m, was another day of packing. It's a huge job, but I'm getting through it. Less meltdowns today. I just need to keep reminding myself, I didn't do this. I didn't make him say the awful things that he said about me. I'm not the liar, the one twisting the truth to fit his reality. I did not intimidate him, and try to control him through words and actions. That was what my ah has done to me for a long time.
I couldn't live with myself if I treated another person that way. I'm not sure my ah really knows what he is doing. My ah says one thing, then a few minutes later the exact opposite. I thing his thinking is very impaired.
I just have to get through a few more days of packing, and hopefully the meltdowns will get less
In my heart, even though it's breaking, I know in doing the right thing. I hope my posts will help someone else on this forum facing the same situation.
Thank you again for all being here for me.
I am an animal lover, I'll pay extra for her to come with me if he won't take her. She's had a rough live, so doesn't need to go to a new family. I would have taken her with my other 2 dogs, but he said it was his moms dog, which it was, and he wanted her. I understood that. The irony to all this is my ah, in one of his abusive rages stated that he had affidavits signed by his friend that I can't take care of pets, and kill dogs!!!! How stupid!!!! And deceitful, now I'm good enough to take care of his moms dog!
Today m, was another day of packing. It's a huge job, but I'm getting through it. Less meltdowns today. I just need to keep reminding myself, I didn't do this. I didn't make him say the awful things that he said about me. I'm not the liar, the one twisting the truth to fit his reality. I did not intimidate him, and try to control him through words and actions. That was what my ah has done to me for a long time.
I couldn't live with myself if I treated another person that way. I'm not sure my ah really knows what he is doing. My ah says one thing, then a few minutes later the exact opposite. I thing his thinking is very impaired.
I just have to get through a few more days of packing, and hopefully the meltdowns will get less
In my heart, even though it's breaking, I know in doing the right thing. I hope my posts will help someone else on this forum facing the same situation.
Thank you again for all being here for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Zircon, you'll get through this all. It is so hard emotionally to do all of this, but you have that strength.
I remember when I had to do this, I wasn't living there then. I had to sneak in when he was at work. I only made one big trip with 2 friends. One had a F 250 truck, other had a camper van. I was only able to get my clothes out, patio furniture, dishes, pots, I even dug up some of my plants, planters. I couldn't fit any of the furniture, and I was afraid to go back to get it.
I think you are helping a lot of people by bringing this up. We can all talk about leaving and divorce, but when you start talking about breaking up a house, that you thought was a home, well, many hugs to you.
amy
I remember when I had to do this, I wasn't living there then. I had to sneak in when he was at work. I only made one big trip with 2 friends. One had a F 250 truck, other had a camper van. I was only able to get my clothes out, patio furniture, dishes, pots, I even dug up some of my plants, planters. I couldn't fit any of the furniture, and I was afraid to go back to get it.
I think you are helping a lot of people by bringing this up. We can all talk about leaving and divorce, but when you start talking about breaking up a house, that you thought was a home, well, many hugs to you.
amy
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