FeelingGreat

Angel, you've got lots of great feedback and advice here, and there's not much to add, but I thought it might be therapeutic for you to search for the thread "Quackers" where you'll find that all the terrible pronouncements from your AH that make you ashamed or frightened are just the quacks of a controlling addict.

You might even find that laughing at others' stories will help you see him for what he is.

Tangled34

Hi Angel, sorry for not responding sooner, just seen this now. Yes it did bother me probably even more than the drinking at the time it was very hurtful and we were together 18 years so we grew up together! But now I am fine I have my moments but it just takes time! They way I see it is I couldn't live with the drinking and he couldn't live without it! The person he is with is the same as him... they are drinking buddies and I was never going to be like that! As time goes on I can see and think clearer I would never want to live that life again I would rather be on my own it's much more peaceful and we have a little daughter and I didn't want her growing up in a life like that, I don't want her to think that kind of relationship is normal and for her to make the same mistakes as me that's not love that's just sick! I am doing well now so don't be afraid to let go because until your AH decides to get help (if ever) this will get worse! It is uncomfortable for a while but I promise it will be worth it! Look after yourself whatever you decide to do x

Aeryn

I'm glad you tried posting here...yes this is me here.

Anyway I do think it's more the drinking and gambling addiction than you think....he really is just protecting his addictions by acting out! You KNOW this isn't your fault. This site was a life saver for me back in 2011 (due to my exAh's job I changed my username since then so unfortunately my posts from back then aren't searchable but my more recent posts are if you're interested)....there are a lot of really supportive people. I'm glad you found it.

Anyway maybe one weekend you can come up this way and we can try out that Hollywood meeting I told you about - it's the only Alanon I found I liked, it's more ACOA but still people our age and lifestyle there. I also know of one in West Hollywood on Saturdays...that one is harder for me to get to but a fairly decent one. The ACOA is on Sundays.

Redheadsusie

None of this is your fault - My AH used to behave this way- also quit his job- also blames me for everything - says I am controlling - yada yada yada. Just keep coming here and listening and reading- so many smart people here who have been through similar things. Know there are people that care. Take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.

lostangel011

I knew you would know this was me It's been hell here since he quit his job and refues to get another one. Honestly though even though its probably right I am tired of everyone in my life telling me to leave. I don't want to make that decision right now. Its brutal here we fight a lot! My weekends are free and would love to get away so let me know when is a good time to come up and check out that meeting. Would have been nice to find a group here but no such luck

Aeryn

LOL....you'll see my posts are obviously me too!

As for people telling you to leave...well that is YOUR decision for YOU to make WHEN and IF you're ready. No one has walked in your shoes and no one but you knows the right thing for you.

I'm supposed to be working right now - haha...some things never change but yes this weekend or next things should be calmer and let's try that meeting!