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Narcissist checklist 1) two faced and critical of others behind their backs (my ex used to hang out with friends or family and then come home and get drunk and call them pu**ys, etc-lovely) 2) blames others for failures (check) 3) acts different in public and private (my ex was charasmatic and loving in public but abusive in private) 4) unreliable (yep!) 5) superior attitude (yep-my ex would be pissed at any job he had bc after 6 months he wasn't promoted to the top and thought he was better than everyone else) 6) lives in fantasy land of porn, affairs or dreams (check) 7) distorts facts to suit own agenda (um, yeah, all the time) 8) irresponsible with money (yep) 9) Only emotionally available when wants somethig (all the time-only he counted) 10) lacks sympathy for others (check) 11) controlling (and stalking, threatening and intimidating-you know, to show what a big man he is) 12) provokes people then blames them for fight (every day in my marriage) 13) cant admit mistakes (God yes-won't admit to anything bc he doesn't think he's made any mistakes) Check and check. Just thought this may help some of y'all. |
Check check and check on every one of them for my A sister who's a Narc. |
For I think we had the same Ex!! |
The ex's must be triplets then Lilro... For, yours & mine all sound to be cut from the same cloth. |
Sounds so famliar..especially the part about blaming others |
I don't usually think of my XAH as being a narcissist, until I run across a list like this... On a happy note, Friday the 12th, will the one year anniversary of my divorce. :HulaDance |
I never did either, yurt. Maybe the alcohol cooked his brain so much that his frontal lovbe is damaged so that he literally can't feel empathy anymore. Scientific fact that it happens the longer you abuse. My divorcaversary is march 1st. Praise Jesus-one year out and not soon enough. |
Divorcaversary! I love it!! One of my coworkers announced that her wedding anniversary was this weekend (Valentine's Day, of course), and without thinking, I blurted out that Friday was the anniversary of my divorce. She announced that I win. Not really, I never thought that this would be the outcome, but boy am I feeling better about my life right now. |
Originally Posted by Forourgirls
(Post 5790271)
I never did either, yurt. Maybe the alcohol cooked his brain so much that his frontal lovbe is damaged so that he literally can't feel empathy anymore. Scientific fact that it happens the longer you abuse. My divorcaversary is march 1st. Praise Jesus-one year out and not soon enough. |
When my ex was being good, he only met about 8 of those. When he was bad he met all of those, and then some more. Oh Gawd, to think that I thought 8 of those were actually OK, and I could deal with that, but then when his "real" person emerged, I have no words for that. For my second divorce ary, I lit my wood stove, I got out all of my journals, and that 12 inches of paperwork that I went thru for me to get a divorce, and I celebrated by burning most of it. It was too much for one night, so I continued the ritual the next day. Thomas, I respectfully disagree with what you said. Alcohol does not turn someone into the abusive person that we are speaking about here. At first my ex needed to have alcohol to hit all on the list, and then surpass it. I was around for 26 years. He no longer needed the alcohol to be who he was. My ex was abusive and most likely BPD. BPD/NPD while drunk. To me he then turned or showed BPD/NPD drunk or sober. amy |
Narcissists love to invalidate your reality and feelings. |
Amy and OldSoul-every word. My ex is the same now-a jerk all the time, drunk or sober...not admitting to anything he's done which further invalidates your reality. Fortunately I grew enough to not need his validation for the truth and I've supported my daughter in knowing her truth as well, bc daddy ain't going to ever do that. I have no idea if it's the chicken or the egg, but either way, it's not ok. |
Originally Posted by amy55
(Post 5790408)
Thomas, I respectfully disagree with what you said. Alcohol does not turn someone into the abusive person that we are speaking about here. At first my ex needed to have alcohol to hit all on the list, and then surpass it. I was around for 26 years. He no longer needed the alcohol to be who he was. What are the Differences between Narcissism and Alcoholic Selfishness? - The Narcissistic Life Narcissism In A Bottle: The Self-Centeredness Of Addiction http://alcoholrehab.com/alcohol-reha...toms-behavior/ Living with an alcoholic is highly similar to this. The alcoholic or addict is continuously seeking his next “fix”- the fix is how they maintain their equilibrium. Obtaining his next fix is a priority and this need of his comes before anybody else’s needs. Just like the narcissist who lives for his next fix. They are both self-absorbed and both only concerned with their own priorities. The selfishness of the alcoholic and the narcissist are observed in their lack of awareness, or even lack of caring, about the needs of those around them. They come first; everyone else’s needs come second or not at all. They both have overwhelming, overpowering needs-whether it is for their next drink or for their next drug, food or sexual encounter. A person with alcoholic selfishness is very much like a narcissist. Addiction produces a kind of narcissism. The addiction is preoccupying and it takes over the person’s body, mind and soul. It is all-consuming. Living with alcoholic selfishness is a lot like living with narcissism because no matter what you do or how hard you try, you will always come second. |
Originally Posted by Thomas45
(Post 5790942)
I respect your opinion, but I disagree. What are the Differences between Narcissism and Alcoholic Selfishness? - The Narcissistic Life Narcissism In A Bottle: The Self-Centeredness Of Addiction http://alcoholrehab.com/alcohol-reha...toms-behavior/ If alcohol abuse didn't bring out narcissistic traits, nobody would ever get DUI's. Not all individuals who get DUI's classify as NPD while sober, and yet driving while drunk is a highly narcissistic thing to do. ---------------------------------- I am an alcoholic, a RA. I have a DUI. I drove drunk to the police station and turned myself in for drunk driving because I was afraid to be in the house with my then AH. I used alcohol to self medicate. I spent many nights sleeping in my car in the garage, because I was afraid to be in the house. I had no coping skills, I no longer had any self-esteem, confidence, nothing. I do not excuse my DUI in any way. I will still state that there is a difference between the 2. amy PS - To me this is blaming the alcohol for a persons personality. That if a person wasn't drinking then they wouldn't be NPD. |
Maybe the distinction is this... True NPD is a mental illness, a personality disoder and may be masked at times by addiction but is there, sober or not... Alcoholics in active states of alcoholism may well behave in a narcissistic/self absorbed way... But that does not in and of itself make them narcissists... |
Someone here brought up Tina Swithin's "One Mom's Battle", a blog about divorcing a Narcissist. Mostly it is about trying to protect her daughters. Narcism has always been on the edge of my awareness but not now. Argh. Tough stuff. |
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
(Post 5791036)
Maybe the distinction is this... True NPD is a mental illness, a personality disoder and may be masked at times by addiction but is there, sober or not... Alcoholics in active states of alcoholism may well behave in a narcissistic/self absorbed way... But that does not in and of itself make them narcissists... Thank you, you said it so much better, then I did amy |
Yeah, I think alcoholism causes a lot of people who don't have NPD to behave in narcissistic ways. It's sort of like the difference between someone who is an abuser who is also an alcoholic, and someone who is an alcoholic who behaves in abusive ways (in the interest of protecting the addiction, as opposed to in the interest of controlling one's partner). They may LOOK the same, and may FEEL the same to the person on the receiving end, but the motivations and causes are different, and when the basic cause is alcoholism, it's more likely to disappear with continued sobriety. |
Originally Posted by amy55
(Post 5791014)
I have a DUI. I drove drunk to the police station and turned myself in for drunk driving because I was afraid to be in the house with my then AH. I think Lexie gets what I'm trying to say. |
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