Liveitwell

My friend sent me the application for protective order that Johnny manziels ex girlfriend filed in a Texas court last week. I read throught it and saw my ex perfectly in those documents. I too feared he was having a psychotic break multiple times during our marriage. His ex, during their argument, also had her phone grabbed and smashed....just like I did. And was threatened to not call the police-just like i was. Jesus-it really was that bad - it was. How did I survive all that??? Seriously. Safe to say my ex is pretty much just like manziel-a pretty boy with a huge ego and a bully mentality. Just triggered me, you know? I hope to someday get to the point of not being triggered. At least as much. Going through this definitely has changed my perspective about a lot of things-I so would like to help others going through this-I would love to be an advocate lawyer...but I don't think going to law school is exactly in the cards for me as a working single momma.

Anyway, just wanted to share....realizing how easily I'm triggered but learning to be mindful of the present-and know it's in the past. It's not right now-it's over and done. Learning...healing.

wanttobehealthy

It is so hard to not be triggered with things that hit so close to home isn't it? I wonder how I did not see it as being as bad as it was when I was in the thick of it and yet I see it as horrible when I see it happening to others...

You are so strong to have gotten away from him and your kids are blessed to have you there to protect them!

Liveitwell

^ friend-I've realized that when you're in the thick of it-you aren't even really living. You're just literally going through the motions in survival mode to try and survive and keep your kids safe.

LexieCat

For, I work with a lot of victim advocates, many of whom are survivors, themselves. You might want to wait until you've healed a bit more and can cope with the prospect of working with others who are in the midst of some very scary situations. I think most advocate programs would want to be sure you weren't putting yourself (or anyone else) at risk before accepting you into their program, but the advocates we work with are WONDERFUL and incredibly helpful to the survivors.

So keep that in mind--there are volunteer programs as well as careers to be built in the field of advocacy.

Liveitwell

Oh gosh yes-not right now at all! Future maybe thanks lex!

healthyagain

Yes, yes, and yes! The survival mode! So true.

I can only send you hugs. What helps me when I get triggered is to remember that it was in the past and that he is not here anymore.

DesertEyes

Goodness FOG, what do you think you are doing here on SR? You have no idea how much good you do around here by sharing your own recovery.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Liveitwell

^ thanks, mike. So happy to be here

hopeful4

It was that bad. And we are all so happy that you are out and past that. You have grown as a person by leaps and bounds, and are such a great momma too!

I am so super proud of you for getting yourself and your children out of that awful situation.

Hugs to you!

Refiner

Yes For... What Mike said! You are amazing! And you are such a good support for those just starting their scary journey and not even realizing the danger they're in. It scares me to death. And I always keep wondering what's happened to some of them that just drop off SR (FreeToSmile and Pink Peony and and and) and just have to say a little prayer for them.

Liveitwell

Refiner-I wonder that too-truly. I do say a prayer for them as well and pray they find their way back to this board - and break free.

Liveitwell

To those that responded, y'all, YOU, are the reason I'm here and got out-y'all were here long before me and guided me to this place. Y'all helped me so that I can now help others. Thank you!!!

Liveitwell

Wanted to come back to this after hearing the latest-manziels familia is blaming his ex-slandering her in the media. Yep, it's HER fault he acted the way he did bc she has issues. Hmmm, I wonder why she has issues-seems like the world is seeing his true nature-maybe that's how he always treated her. Sick. I def get triggered hearing victim blaming. Makes me very angry :/

And no-I'm not defending her entirely...I think she was an awful influence on him-partying it up while he was in rehab, drinking around him after he got out, etc. but still...not her fault he went bat **** crazy.