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xAH filed contempt motion against me

Old 02-08-2016, 06:27 AM
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xAH filed contempt motion against me

Got notified of it Friday... Have been in a panic and freaking out since.

He alleges that I "interfere" with his parenting time, that I do not provide him access to call the kids and that the parenting plan should be reconsidered (this is less than a month since the divorce was final for a 3rd time) because it is untenable, he says he never can predict when he will have the kids blah blah blah...

All of this is because a week ago I refused to send the kids with him PER the parenting plan due to his failure to show up at the police station to meet for the breathalyzer as required before parenting time.

He was in town, he demanded I meet him in a variety of settings OTHER than the police station, and I simply replied that I would be adhering to the parenting plan.

To all his other rants I just kept replying "ok" as in "I acknowledge you sent this" but I made it clear (I thought) that I would meet NO WHERE but the police station as the parenting plan says is required...

He of course would not meet there.... So I did not drop the kids with him.

And now, he is retaliating and using the court to punish me and I will have to defend myself for FOLLOWING the court order.

What the HELL is wrong with the legal system that he can file whatever lies and craziness he wants and it gets considered??????
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:10 AM
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There is nothing wrong with the legal system. If this as you say it is, the courts will dismiss this and you will be fine. Filing, lies and craziness is typical. The judge sorts these out quickly.

It's just his way of trying to keep you miserable.

Which seems like its working.
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:11 AM
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I'm sure you have documentation in the way of texts or emails? Showing that he refused to go to the police station?

If you have adhered to the parenting plan there is nothing to freak out about. It instructs that he must be breathalyzed at a police station......if he doesn't want to then he doesn't get them.

As for being frustrated over the legal system, this guy has put you through the wringer and I understand the frustration, but what other way is there? Thing is the Court's do get tired of antics they just maintain a wide berth before severing or going further in limitation of parental relationships.

But, the Court is there for you as well. He has also been in contempt by calling YOUR phone instead of THEIR phone as is instructed by the divorce decree/parenting plan. I know it seems small, but it has caused you grief. This guy just does whatever he wants then when he perceives you have done something wrong, even when you haven't, he is filing with the Court. Yet you are not......anytime he goes outside the parenting plan you will simply have to file contempt and you should for his relentless phone calls to your phone. With as much as he has harassed you have you ever applied for or thought about getting a PO or RO against him? Seems to me you need one in place because he violates the parenting plan and harasses YOU and the kids.

I'm sorry you are here again. I would advise you file contempt against him as well though probably best to talk with your attorney and see what they say.
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Hangnbyathread View Post
There is nothing wrong with the legal system. If this as you say it is, the courts will dismiss this and you will be fine. Filing, lies and craziness is typical. The judge sorts these out quickly.

It's just his way of trying to keep you miserable.

Which seems like its working.
My experience in the court system is very different than yours. There absolutely is a problem with the legal system. Abusers and narcissists and liars who misrepresent facts and lie and drag others into court left and right when we dare to hold them accountable to a parenting plan, get rewarded by having their "day in court"...

I settled with this nutcase to REDUCE acrimony and not continue to be in the legal system endlessly... I do not have money to continue to fight him and yes I guess I need to file contempt motions against him but I really would have preferred to just stay away from court as it is NOT a system that clearly sees what's right and wrong...

It's nice your experience is different but my experience for 3 years, xAH abusing our kids and having endless opportunities to earn back unsupervised time tells me that there IS a major problem with this system.
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:51 AM
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WTBH.....when I divorced my 1st husband...my children's father...I was up against a narcissistic person.....
That is where I first learned that a narcissist is like no other....
So, I really appreciate wh at it feels like to be dealing with one....especially one that is p****d at you....

Try your best to quell your panic (as much as you can..lol).....at least, don't let them "see" it. They revel in your panic and misery....
What works and is effective in dealing with a healthy or "normal" person doesn't necessarily work with a narcissist......

In my case, my lawyer understood that he was a jerk....and, he did all the talking to my husbands's lawyer...Je advised me not to communicate or argue with my husband over any conflicts....He always said: "Bring it to me...let me handle it".

If you don't trust your lawyer....I suggest that you contact the local abuse organization and get a recommendation from them about who is experienced in these kinds of cases....and, ask for an advocate, if you don't have one.....
They may also know about who or where the lower cost attorneys might be available....

You may also find some educational information about these kinds of issues on the website..."WonamsDivorce.com......It is also sorted out by state.....

Stand steady....he just might fall on his face....

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Old 02-08-2016, 07:58 AM
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Anyone can sue anyone (or file a motion or whatever) for anything. That isn't unique to family court.

Keep calm, go in with your documentation, and ask that he be sanctioned for filing a frivolous motion with the sole purpose of harassing you. The court will get sick of him soon enough.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:05 AM
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Hugs to you WTBH! I hope this time goes better. Also hope you have been documenting what is happening. Arrrgh! It sounds really tough.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:14 AM
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I second what Lexie said. I also agree that they will get sick of him.

Hugs to you!
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:17 AM
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WTBH-this is what narcissists do. Btdt-my ex is a narc as well. He filed frivolous contempt papers against me in November. This is just what they do, although that doesn't make it any easier. Don't sweat it, bc you didn't do anything wrong. You adhered to the plan and he is just kicking and screaming like the toddler he is bc he didn't get his way (am I close to accurate here? I had a funny mental picture writing that!!). Narcs are incapable of seeing their own actions and when called out they retaliate more. Btdt as well. I'm so incredibly sorry you are going through this but rest assured you are not alone. I'm with you, sister!!! PM me anytime. Hugs and peace to you!
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:18 AM
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I'm sorry. Hopefully he's just about burned through his nine lives at this point. I can't see the court looking kindly or sympathetically at his behavior. My ex tried to accuse me of interfering with his relationship with our son, but reality told a different story and that didn't stick (nor did any of his other ridiculous accusations). I think that will be the case here as well.
But coming so soon after a prolonged battle, your mind is already exhausted. I think that he is banking on that and trying to intimidate you. Stand your ground. We are here for you.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:30 AM
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I understand the crazy panic you're feeling--completely. As others have said, stand firm, show your texts or emails, and definitely ask for him to be sanctioned for the frivolous garbage. I'd also ask an attorney about filing contempt for his phone calls, and about a PO. The PO isn't so much because you need it, but because it's another thing he can violate that you can call him out for. This is a stupid stupid game, and when you're exhausted it's so easy to want to quit.

I'm telling you that these are the moments--when you're emotionally depleted--that if you can make it a little longer and stand strong quietly and calmly--you can end up "winning" your peace back.

My X didn't like that when he threatened garbage, I calmly retaliated with REAL threats...and he eventually stopped because harassing me wasn't worth the way he looked to others. Eventually..."eventually" can feel like forever.

If you don't have texts or emails, make sure going forward that all important communication is documented that way (or made that way to begin with).

Sending you peace and energy. You shouldn't have to live this way, but you CAN.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:30 AM
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^ agree with every word. These guys truly think nobody sees their actions and that they don't matter. They try to ruin anything they can for you (mine served me with papers a night before thanksgiving). It's just what they do-and honey, they are the slime balls, the abusers, etc. I'd bet the court has seen plenty of your ex and will not look kindly at all on what he's doing. Stand your ground and trust that the truth, not his delusions and lies, will prevail.
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:05 AM
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You were following the rules as laid out by the court
Produce your evidence and file charges against him and PO for the phone calls.

He is deluded, and counting on you giving in.
Don't and you'll win this--you already have won in many ways
but are just too worn out from the battle to see it yet.
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:19 AM
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Hawkeye-agree with every word. She's won by not being married to this jackass any more. Geez, doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what a douche he is. This guy needs a lot of help-more than just not drinking. Severe life long help which most likely he won't get. But WTBH-you get to call him your ex-that is a win everytime. (Btw, I don't even like referring to my ex and my ex anymore-it makes my skin crawl even owning any part of ever being married to him). You will be ok. Just a recommendation-have you read Tina Swithins books re divorcing a narcissist with kids? Also, check out One Moms Battle on Facebook-you will find valuable insight and much needed support there. Peace.
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:23 AM
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The courts will eventually will get tired of this clown's shenanigans. This certainly isn't their first rodeo. Just a hunch, but the scales of justice are about to level out in your situation.

Here is a suggestion, the next time he refuses to meet you at the police station, I would go there anyway, and have them document that you showed up for the visitation exchange, and he didn't. The more documentation you have, the better. The court is interested in FACTS, so give the courts what they want, let them see his inability to follow a court order. Judges do not like when people disregard their orders. He is truly setting himself up for his own demise with his self imposed drama. Squeaky wheel is due to get some grease!
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:40 AM
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Last weekend when he missed his time due to failure to come, I did go to the police dept and made sure that I was seen.

He is alleging that because I said "ok, I understand" to his texts about how he was insisting he meet me elsewhere, that that means I agreed.

I made it clear that I was meeting ONLY at the police station and in fact said over and over "I am following the parenting plan to the letter of the law".

But now I am worried.. I do not have a lawyer. I do not have money for a lawyer. I will not be hiring a lawyer. He has a SNAKE of a lawyer who spins facts, defends cop killers and is a bad dude and I fear that the facts won't matter and that this lawyer of xAH's (he withdrew from the divorce and xAH re-hired him after it was final I guess?) will make this into a circus.

It seems to me that xAH wants to force me to lay out all his crummy behavior, and wants a court to take away his parenting time eventually so that he can blame me for it. He seems to thrive on drama. I on the other hand want to just have NOTHING to do with him, want to follow the black and white parenting plan and adhere to it...

Im not holding up well with any of this and feel like I should just cave and agree that he doesn't have to do the breathalyzer anymore because that is what this is actually about... he resents that he has to follow rules and he is going to make my life HELL until he gets his way...
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:48 AM
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WTBH-no. You must not cave-the fact that he won't follow any rules is not your fault-and says nothing about you. His depolorable behavior says all about him! You must do right by your kids. And yes, these delusional drama queens literally do things just to see if you react and then use your reaction to further blame and victimize you. It's classic narcissism. Read up on it- and please get yourself some support for narcissistic abuse. You are a survivor, a warrior and a true example of a woman fighting for peace for yourself and your kids!!! Your ex keeps showcasing to everyone that he is a POS and revealing exactly why you divirced him. Let him!

P.S. My ex abhors any rules as well-he's above the law, court orders, apparently he's illiterate as well, etc. Made me recall a funny incident (one of many) where my drunk husband brought up his mommy during a fight. He looked at me (many times) and said, "well, my mom let's me do whatever I want to..."....and I almost cracked due to intense laughter watching this "man" throw a toddler temper tantrum. There's the root of the evil! Hope that brings a smile to you today. Quite the mental picture!
Again, read "Splitting" or any of Tina Swithins stuff-she too had to represent herself. Her website also has a narc lawyer locator. Or, I second what someone said above-call the DV peeps and get a recc for a lawyer that has handled stuff like this.
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Old 02-08-2016, 10:08 AM
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No caving. Let him play his little games. You have both the facts and the law on your side. Stay calm, point that out to the court, and point out that he is wasting your time and the court's time.

Trust me, he wins ONLY to the extent that you allow this nonsense to get under your skin. As long as you stick to the letter of the order you have nothing to worry about. Courts do NOT appreciate people who abuse the system. At this point your credibility is much better than his. Protect your credibility by responding in a reasonable way and he won't get anywhere with this nonsense.
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Old 02-08-2016, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Anyone can sue anyone (or file a motion or whatever) for anything. That isn't unique to family court.

Keep calm, go in with your documentation, and ask that he be sanctioned for filing a frivolous motion with the sole purpose of harassing you. The court will get sick of him soon enough.
^^^^ This ^^^^
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Old 02-08-2016, 10:23 AM
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I totally get the urge to just cave, but what is the reality of that if you do? If you agree that he doesn't need to take a brethalyzer before he gets to drive away with your kids, then you are subjecting them to the possibility of being sent off alone, in a car, with someone who may or may not already be drunk. They are what is most important here, and I know that you know that. Dig deep, mama, you have to pull out your energy reserves here for them. You have support here!!
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