manicpanic15

Got home from work today and he was still acting all depressed and had been drinking. 6 pack Beer in the fridge (change from the red wine) untouched which meant he had been drinking his hidden vodka stash. He says he is all upset, at his lowest low, because I told him a few days ago that he crushed my soul (due to the craigslist girls). He says this in a way that makes it seem like its my fault, I did something wrong. He says he can't stop thinking about it and it keeps getting him down. My anger got the best of me and I reminded him of the many times he has said "You need to let it go already" whenever I bring up the craigslist girls he was messaging or the thing with his ex or all the lies. He would tell me that he just lets things go, that I need to learn to. I said why can't you just let that go??? He says yeah I get it, lesson learned. I can't get over how he cannot see how vastly different me saying "You crushed my soul" is from him actively pursuing other women. I ended the convo by saying he has left me feeling incredibly rejected, multiple times and I cannot just get over that.

The rest of the night he kept trying to initiate a fight. Saying hot button issue things and when I would ignore them he would say it stronger, louder. I continued to ignore.

Finally at 10 pm he decided to start sawing very loudly things with his wood saw in the basement. Again, he knows this is a very raw spot with me because our biggest fights have been over him disrupting my sleep with his loud power tools in the house at night. I KNOW he is doing this ON PURPOSE to upset me. 6/7 weeks I begged him for a nice quiet evening since the last few nights I had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep. I was flat out exhausted. At 8 pm, when I have to work the next day (And he doesn't) he starts a power washer inside the attached garage. I go out there to ask him to please do that tomorrow while no one is home and he went completely ballistic, calling me ridiculous, unbelievable I would even ask him to stop. UP UNTIL THIS DAY, whenever I brought that up that I should be able to ask a favor from him without being called ridiculous, he STILL stands behind what he did.

So tonite I enforced a boundary and decided I was taking the kids to my parents to spend the night. I knew this was gonna end bad. I was not about to have another power wash night. He hears me say to kids to get shoes on and asks me what is going on and he FLIPS out upset and says HE CANNOT BELIEVE I WOULND"T ASK HIM TO STOP. Starts freaking out on me. I tell him uh remember the power wash incident!??!! ANd he looks at me with the most exaggerated "ARE YOU AN IDIOT" look on his face and yells, "So you just ASSUME I am going to react the same way? You don't even TRYYYYY to ask you just ASSUME?? THat was like, 2 MONTHS ago - you don't think I've CHANGED since them? Maybe I've learned something? You're not even giving me a chance".

So then he cools down a bit, comes back in and says "I want to buy a rental, fix it up and live in it. We need space".

Wish me luck...

Liveitwell

Don't trust he will leave-my gut says it's pure manipulation and he wants you to run after him saying, "NO! Please don't leave me!!!" Btdt. When pushing all your normal buttons doesn't work, they start quacking louder. I hope he leaves you and the kids alone for a long time.

mylifeismine

"The emotional abuse has stopped and I do have a plan B ready."

Truthfully the emotional abuse has not stopped and will probably escalate
as you enforce boundaries. Please see a lawyer to protect yourself & kids. There is no waiting period to protect yourself & your children from abuse.

FeelingGreat

mp, i hope you got a good night's sleep. He's become quite the emotional terrorist hasn't he? He's getting more and more frustrated because you won't bite, instead just quietly removing yourself from the situation.

dandylion

manicpanic.....he was drunk when he said that....wasn't he......
You can't believe a thing that a drunk person says....he may not even remember it ...or, deny it, later.....

You are living with emotional abuse...even if you have never thought of it in those terms....
Denying a person sleep is a tactic that is used on prisoners of war.....

All of this has got to be a great strain on your mental and physical health....

You don't deserve this....and, the kids don't, either.....

dandylion

redatlanta

Its just pure insanity. I'd take him up on the rental space for "space". No, you certainly don't deserve this and its simply no way to live.

Ariesagain

FeelingGreat nailed it..."emotional terrorism" is the perfect description.

Get a lawyer and get your kids and your sweet self away from him. He won't ever admit he's wrong, so stop waiting for it and in the meantime, your kids are getting graduate courses in evading responsibility and emotional manipulation.

Please get away from him and get your lives back...plan B!!

P.S. I don't exactly see HIM "letting things go." Sheesh.