Is this the beginning of the downward spiral?
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 34
Is this the beginning of the downward spiral?
AH has kept his binges somewhat in check, but lately not so sure. Still drinks daily - traded in beer for red wine and buys a 1.5L in which he drinks about half of per day. He also is still hiding vodka in the garage and I have no idea how much of that he is drinking I don't bother to snoop and find out anymore. I know that he will sip on red wine and make it look like a glass or two but all of a sudden he will start acting extremely intoxicated. When he ran out of red wine one night, he had a glass half of red wine and clearly diluted with something else - I took a sip and nearly gagged he was now mixing red wine with the vodka. I asked him oh I thought you quit the vodka and he says "Oh you know I always have my "just in case" bottle stashed."
He is laid off and is now drinking during the day, so when I return home with the kids after school (I keep my work schedule with their school schedule) he is already buzzing. As much as I'd love to be able to work more hours, I cannot possibly risk him driving like that through a crowded school parking lot.
Anyway, not sure if this is the start of the downward spiral from high functioning to "my life is in ruins" alcoholism, but I'm noticing some disturbing trends.
He used to be so motivated/ambitious that even when laid off, he would immediately start a huge home improve project. Now he is barely finishing the most minor of projects.
He turned down an offer to go back to work. It caused a huge fight so he took the next one offered, but was promptly laid off.
Got another job offer where he starts hopefully this Tuesday, and is now whining about it. Is depressed about it. THis is a good opportunity for him as he will be a general foreman, get his own company truck and phone. He will be the boss.
He seems incredibly depressed and blames it on the demise of our relationship which he caused when he decided to actively pursue other women. We are currently trying an in house separation although lately I've been seriously re-thinking this. I'm going to al-anon, and they said I need to wait at least a year of meetings before making any huge moves. The emotional abuse has stopped and I do have a plan B ready.
He is laid off and is now drinking during the day, so when I return home with the kids after school (I keep my work schedule with their school schedule) he is already buzzing. As much as I'd love to be able to work more hours, I cannot possibly risk him driving like that through a crowded school parking lot.
Anyway, not sure if this is the start of the downward spiral from high functioning to "my life is in ruins" alcoholism, but I'm noticing some disturbing trends.
He used to be so motivated/ambitious that even when laid off, he would immediately start a huge home improve project. Now he is barely finishing the most minor of projects.
He turned down an offer to go back to work. It caused a huge fight so he took the next one offered, but was promptly laid off.
Got another job offer where he starts hopefully this Tuesday, and is now whining about it. Is depressed about it. THis is a good opportunity for him as he will be a general foreman, get his own company truck and phone. He will be the boss.
He seems incredibly depressed and blames it on the demise of our relationship which he caused when he decided to actively pursue other women. We are currently trying an in house separation although lately I've been seriously re-thinking this. I'm going to al-anon, and they said I need to wait at least a year of meetings before making any huge moves. The emotional abuse has stopped and I do have a plan B ready.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi manic, it doesn't look good. Keep that Plan B ready. It's such a pity he's not seeing himself deteriorating. Some A's (me included) have a mental line they're not willing to cross, but he seems to be slipping away without check.
I hope you get your own place soon, because he seems to be getting the benefit of seeing you and the children, and still being able to drink.
I hope you get your own place soon, because he seems to be getting the benefit of seeing you and the children, and still being able to drink.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat 
I hope you get your own place soon, because he seems to be getting the benefit of seeing you and the children, and still being able to drink.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Oh mp, that sounds so dangerous. You're doing the right thing by recording everything, including dates. Has he ever driven drunk with them in the car? Record the circumstances too.
There are electronic ways of monitoring sobriety, and having a solid bank of evidence about his drinking will certainly help if it comes to accessing that.
There are electronic ways of monitoring sobriety, and having a solid bank of evidence about his drinking will certainly help if it comes to accessing that.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Have you seen a lawyer? I'd make that a top priority. A lawyer would be able to advise you how best to make sure the kids remain safe during/after a divorce. There are all kinds of potential safeguards, from supervised visitation to sobriety monitoring.
Looks to me like things are going south--and fast. That tends to happen with this disease--it can appear "stable" for a long time and then boom, everything falls apart in a hurry. Leaving sooner, rather than later, can be the best way to protect your and your kids' interests.
Talk to a lawyer. You don't have to file anything unless/until you are ready, but having the information will enable you to plan, as well as to protect you and the kids until you're ready to act.
Looks to me like things are going south--and fast. That tends to happen with this disease--it can appear "stable" for a long time and then boom, everything falls apart in a hurry. Leaving sooner, rather than later, can be the best way to protect your and your kids' interests.
Talk to a lawyer. You don't have to file anything unless/until you are ready, but having the information will enable you to plan, as well as to protect you and the kids until you're ready to act.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Before I came to SR I was on a different website and people kept suggesting I needed to talk to a lawyer...that didn't feel right to me, it felt sneaky and like I was giving up.
I barely did it in time--please set aside any fears and take this suggestion to heart, it's not committing to anything, but is really good to know what your options are and what you can do "just in case".
It doesn't sound to me like this is the beginning of a bad slide...sounds like you're already in the thick of it.
Hugs to you.
I barely did it in time--please set aside any fears and take this suggestion to heart, it's not committing to anything, but is really good to know what your options are and what you can do "just in case".
It doesn't sound to me like this is the beginning of a bad slide...sounds like you're already in the thick of it.
Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Agree with advice above-doesn't sound like the beginning of a downward spiral-sounds like the middle or end of a spiral. Please consult with an attorney and document/record everything to keep your kids safe. HE chose these actions-you are not wrong to tell the truth about them. Do what you can to keep you and the kiddos safe
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Agree with For and others--you are past beginning of spiral.
He may not even be able to complete the job he was just hired
for as foreman if he's drinking like that.
Get to a lawyer right away and be ready to act to protect
your kids and yourself.
He may not even be able to complete the job he was just hired
for as foreman if he's drinking like that.
Get to a lawyer right away and be ready to act to protect
your kids and yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Alcoholism is a progressive disease so fast or slow it’s still downhill.
Sometimes it’s us that see things today that we were unable to see before.
I think someone who prefers to stay at home not working in order to drink, cheats on his wife/family, loses job after job and outwardly shows depression towards responsibility (work) that interferes with his drinking is someone very much consumed by his disease.
I hope you make al-anon and seeking help for you a top priority so that you and your children will not have to live in the prison of active alcoholism.
I’ve been attending al-non for a number of years and I’ve never heard anyone tell a member especially a new member not to make a major decision when it comes to an active alcoholic who puts his family in danger.
Sometimes it’s us that see things today that we were unable to see before.
I think someone who prefers to stay at home not working in order to drink, cheats on his wife/family, loses job after job and outwardly shows depression towards responsibility (work) that interferes with his drinking is someone very much consumed by his disease.
I hope you make al-anon and seeking help for you a top priority so that you and your children will not have to live in the prison of active alcoholism.
I’ve been attending al-non for a number of years and I’ve never heard anyone tell a member especially a new member not to make a major decision when it comes to an active alcoholic who puts his family in danger.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I can only say that alcoholism is progressive, and it looks like it's progressing. And to keep going to Alanon, that is really important.
Good for you to protect your children, that must be #1.
Hugs to you.
Good for you to protect your children, that must be #1.
Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Respectfully, you can no longer observe what is going on objectively. It is already a disaster-- he will be fired quickly from his new job and things are going to get much, much worse. Protect yourself and your children.
Cyranoak
Cyranoak
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