Please God, save him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Please God, save him
These are the words that just crossed my mind seconds ago. And I am an atheist.
After seeing my ex today about the joint debts, I was and still am, quite shocked how the disease progressed, physically. He twitches, he shivers, seems that he cannot control the moves. I forgot all about the abuse, just felt so horrible, horrible for him. Yet, there is nothing I can do about it. N o t h i n g. The hospital visit did not do anything. He kept drinking, apparently. And he is in pain. He is not hurting anyone else anymore, but himself. And perhaps I am hurting myself thinking about him?
It is unbelievable that it is the same man physically. And I screamed and yelled and cried and begged and nothing ever worked. He was blind to my tears, deaf to my screams. He was so defiant, and still is. And all I wanted was a happy life, for both of us. I guess you can call this a great expectation?
I know that it is a disease, I know what he does and what is happening to him is a textbook example, yet it is so hard to accept. I grieve, I struggle inside because my little codependent self wants to save him.
So, I let go and let God. But it still hurts. I want nothing but the best for him, but it is so hard to love or be around someone who is so self-destructive.
Thank you for reading. I needed this emotional vent. I am not angry, just "upset" how right I was to let go.
After seeing my ex today about the joint debts, I was and still am, quite shocked how the disease progressed, physically. He twitches, he shivers, seems that he cannot control the moves. I forgot all about the abuse, just felt so horrible, horrible for him. Yet, there is nothing I can do about it. N o t h i n g. The hospital visit did not do anything. He kept drinking, apparently. And he is in pain. He is not hurting anyone else anymore, but himself. And perhaps I am hurting myself thinking about him?
It is unbelievable that it is the same man physically. And I screamed and yelled and cried and begged and nothing ever worked. He was blind to my tears, deaf to my screams. He was so defiant, and still is. And all I wanted was a happy life, for both of us. I guess you can call this a great expectation?
I know that it is a disease, I know what he does and what is happening to him is a textbook example, yet it is so hard to accept. I grieve, I struggle inside because my little codependent self wants to save him.
So, I let go and let God. But it still hurts. I want nothing but the best for him, but it is so hard to love or be around someone who is so self-destructive.
Thank you for reading. I needed this emotional vent. I am not angry, just "upset" how right I was to let go.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I know EXACTLY how you feel. EXACTLY. I haven't heard from my second husband in a few years, but I saw him literally days from death, but somehow, all these years later, he is still alive. I can't figure it out, TBH.
Know that he is in his Higher Power's hands, and the best thing you can do is to step away from being in the position of having a front-row seat. You can't save him, however much you would like to. I would have donated an organ if it would have saved mine, even after I left him. There is simply nothing we can do.
Hugs,
Know that he is in his Higher Power's hands, and the best thing you can do is to step away from being in the position of having a front-row seat. You can't save him, however much you would like to. I would have donated an organ if it would have saved mine, even after I left him. There is simply nothing we can do.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It is so awful to see someone you care about make such bad choices for themselves, and it hurts everyone around them.
Just know that I am here, reading this, understanding, and supporting you.
Many tight hugs.
Just know that I am here, reading this, understanding, and supporting you.
Many tight hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
It's been a very long time since I've been face-to-face with someone at this stage, but it HAS happened many times in my life. Reading your post takes me right to those moments; I know EXACTLY what you describe here. It's gut wrenching. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Thank you! Your responses mean so much to me! He still has a chance for recovery. I keep forgetting that what I saw yesterday might be another withdrawal, but how many until he gets tired of it? Again, I must stay on my side of the street, and I have no reason to be in touch with him anytime soon, so I am grateful for that. And I'll make sure I do not stick my nose where it does not belong.
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