newme2013

I moved 3000 miles away from my stbxah. I had not spoken to him in months. I was finally feeling peaceful and happy to be moving on with my life. So of course my AH pops back up to create chaos. It started with him texting me about stuff we didn't need to discuss. Things like asking me how our cat was doing. I ignored his texts. Then he started texting that he's rethinking the divorce. Of course nothing said about him getting help for his alcoholism and being abusive. No talk of how he is working on the issues that are ending our marriage. So I didn't respond. Then on Saturday I get a text saying he's contemplating suicide. And I take the bait and call him. He's crying and saying he doesn't have a reason to live. I'm feeling very manipulated but also concerned because he never cries and hasn't threatened suicide before. I talk to him about going to rehab or starting AA meetings but he insists his alcoholism has nothing to do with his suicidal thoughts. Like usual he seems to just want a pity party. I tell him I can't help him if he won't help himself and go on about my life. Today I get a text from him saying goodbye. He's going to kill himself. I don't know his new address so I can't call the police. I've deleted all his family from my cell phone and he has no friends I can call for help. I panic, run out of work, frantically try to call him but his phone is off. I'm in an absolute panic and 20 minutes later he answers his phone. Again crying. Saying he's going to kill himself. I beg him to get help. And then we start getting back into our old pattern of him blaming me for making him do things like cheat and abuse me and not taking any responsibility for his actions and the consequences of his behavior. And now I feel like a complete fool for being manipulated back into his dysfunctional world. I thought I was finally done after 13 years of dealing with this. I thought I was healthy again. And now I've gotten sucked right back in. I guess it's time to change my phone number because I can't trust myself not to respond.

LexieCat

I think changing your phone number is an excellent idea. You were doing great with the no-contact till he brought out the "big guns."

Sorry he put you through this. I can understand how you felt you had to do SOMETHING, but really, there's nothing you can do. If he wants to kill himself he will do it. He knows where to get help. It sounds to me, though, like he's simply manipulating you by making the threats. Anything you can do to minimize his ability to contact you will pay off in terms of your own peace of mind.

Hawkeye13

I agree, change your number and don't tell anyone he knows what it is.

It seems like this is just an escalated scare tactic to get you calling him.
Disengage quickly
No new contact = no new hurts

Yoga

Changing your phone number is a good idea.........

Don't beat yourself up....

Ariesagain

If there's a next time, and there might well be because it worked, can you either call a Suicide Hotline and give them his phone number, since you have that, or call the police in his town and give them the number? I know emergency services can track a cell phone location.

Either way, you've turned it over to professionals and if it calls his bluff and embarrasses him, fine. If in fact he's serious, he'll be in good hands.

hopeful4

Many hugs, how awful.

I agree, change your number. This is a toxic situation for you.

firebolt

If you know the city where he lives, or where he works, you can call 911 and give them all the info you have. They will probably be able to find him.

I don't want to seem insensitive, but I could guess the threats will stop after the first time the fire truck, paramedics, and police show up to help him.

Take care of you - you can leave that mess in the dust again. Easy Peasy.