Feeling hopeful! (Just a little...let's not get crazy here)
 

It's been quite a week over here. My poor son (8) has been sick with a cough all week. Which means none of us are able to get any sleep! I have to give him cold medicine and a breathing treatment every 4 hours and the humidifier is running non-stop all night. I can't take time away from work to get him to the doctor, so I'm just waiting for this weekend so we can head to the med-center.

Tuesday was my birthday, and I decided the best way to celebrate would be to go to my regular Tuesday night Al-Anon meeting. They have childcare and a really nice group of supportive women there. I started to feel a little pity party about spending my birthday alone, then reminded myself that just because my RAP isn't home right now, doesn't mean I'm alone. I have two amazing kiddos who were super excited to make me a cake with the babysitter Monday night, a family that celebrated me on Sunday, friends that connected with me over text and Facebook, and a healthy support group to go and spend the evening with. It was a nice day in all!

Last night was the meeting with RAP and her therapist that I have been nervous about all week. It was hard, emotionally, but actually really good overall. They are going to work on seeing if she can get an extension to stay in treatment longer. She was feeling torn about wanting to stay because she was worried that I really wanted her home. I was worried that she would be wanting to come home right away when I don't think it's a good idea right now. She said she was feeling relieved that I felt that way, but a little bit of rejection too that I don't want her home right now. She's worried that she might end up losing me. Honestly, there's a part of that that thinks "Good! You need to worry about that because it's a reality and a possible consequence of your behaviors." I just told her that neither one of us knows what's going to happen in the future. All I can say right now is that I love her and I am supportive of her recovery. And if we are going to try to salvage our marriage, we need to be sure to take things really, really slowly and do it the right and healthy way.

In all, I feel a lot better. Her therapist said that she thinks the AWOL incident last week was actually good for her because it seemed to be a turning point/breakthrough in some of the walls she has been keeping up. RAP said that this time feels different for her, like they are really digging deep and getting into issues she's always kept hidden before. No matter what happens with us, I really hope that she does get to a healthy place for herself if nothing else. I know it's a cliche for loved ones of addicts to say this, but I do still think there is an amazing person underneath all the addict BS that really deserves a chance to come out and live again.

So that's my update. Feeling hopeful both for RAP and for myself. I am proud that I stuck with my boundaries and wasn't met with much resistance. It feels like some good steps in the right direction.

Heya FM, the title of your post made me smile. Thanks for the update. I so love to see folks who step up to bat in this terribly painful situation. Also congrats on being able to see the good parts of your birthday.

Happy Birthday! Hope your little guy is feeling better soon. Mine's just getting over that croupy gross cough. It took about 3 weeks of Mucinex and steamy baths.
I've spent my last couple of birthdays at Alanon meetings, and I'm planning the same for this year. Mine also falls on a Tuesday this year, and I think I might sign up to lead my home group morning meeting. Maybe I'll take some cupcakes or something, really party down, lol.

Happy Birthday!

And it's your first birthday headed toward a new calm happy future, whatever form that takes. So glad you have such a great support group.

And I loved your title too. :)

Keeps it all in perspective. Nice work this week.

Good news.

And Happy Birthday. Your kids are so sweet.

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

As for the title of the post, I'm just struggling with the balance of being supportive and hopeful, and putting up good boundaries that don't turn into hard walls. I know how easy it is for me to just fall back into our old patterns, so I feel like sometimes I'm taking too hard a line because I don't want to get hurt again. So, it's tempered and realistic hope around here now!

Good for you! I'm glad you're feeling positive. Happy (belated now I believe?) birthday!

"She's worried that she might end up losing me. Honestly, there's a part of that that thinks "Good! You need to worry about that because it's a reality and a possible consequence of your behaviors."

I think a lot of us must have felt this, I sure have at least anyway. Like I always just want my mum to wake up one day and realise she is hurting me and want to stop. It's a shame it isn't just that easy isn't it! Actually, I'm sure a lot of the time they DO know it hurts us but the alcoholism just takes over.

Taking things slow IS the healthy way to deal with things.

I hope your son is feeling better soon!

You mean we might have two more weeks of his with him? :(

Happy Birthday! I also hope your little guy gets better, that stinks!

It sounds like good work is being done in recovery, and that is awesome. It's also awesome for you to recognize and embrace the face to face recovery for yourself.

Keep moving forward and seeing the positives!

Happy birthday! I'm glad it was a good day. I moved out on September 1, and my birthday was September 24. The kids and I did absolutely nothing special, and it was my best birthday in YEARS. :grouphug: