katie44

I haven't posted in quite some time , and when I do it's usually about my AS . I am married to a dry drunk . He quit drinking 7 years ago . He was always a functioning alcoholic , so in his eyes he didn't have a problem . He worked hard , but also played hard . I lived through my marriage as a codependent . He would say he'd Ben home in an hour , that would mean 10 hours later , or perhaps the next day .
I did not want alcohol in our home , so his feeble excuse was he just wouldn't come home , or he was at business meetings . He was never reliable , and owning a business made it easier for him to disappear and put responsibility on others . 8 years ago he was convicted of a DUI . That was his 3rd time however he beat the first two paid a big fancy lawyer . At that point I was ready to leave . Again he was humbled , sorry blah blah blah . We own a business together wich just complicates everything . The last 7 years I have been a taxi service . The first 5 I didn't not mind ( I guess I finally figured out why ? He was sober and home ) the past 2 I had had enough . I couldn't even take a day off as he needed driven and picked up . I finally pushed him to go get his licence and what a process . Last week he finally got his licence , I put him on my insurance as an occasional driver . Those old anxiety feelings started to creep back , but I thought it was just me . Yesterday I took the day off work . I had a doctors appointment at 4:30 he promised he'd be home . At 4:20 I call him he's says he forgot . I could tell he had been drinking at work . I had a friend drive me to work he wasn't there . I was panicked as he was driving on my insurance . Sure enough I find him at one of my employees homes with a bunch of drunks playing poker . He had only been there 10 mins . He had driven my car drunk after 7 years of carting him around . The first time he has freedom he did it again !! I'm furious and sickened . In the 7 years of driving him , he had dranken perhaps 4 times . I always knew that because he didn't go for counselling his mind set was that of an alcoholic . He can't understand why I don't trust him . He comes off like the rock of the community at church etc . We own a business that is on the verge of bankruptcy . Him being with out a licence for that long caused issues with the business . He will never admit that . I'm tired & exhausted the business failing has been enough to send me over the edge . This stunt he pulled has done it ! The freedom I thought I would have , or perhaps a sick day all just went out the window . There is no trust at all with him . I'm sure today he will tell me he didn't drink and drive ( typical addict lies ) I'm taking him off the insurance . I'm truly at my breaking point . He hasn't changed a bit . After 7 years of me waiting on him like a taxi service he has blown it . I feel used and very very angry . I'm sorry for such a long vent .

redatlanta

I'm really sorry this is how things have ended up. Co dependency will really do you in, while working your tail off to try and control and manage the Alcoholic everything else falls apart.

I strongly recommend you try Al Anon and work the step program. It will help you tremendously.

As far as his insurance I'd take a look at the legalities before taking him off. Is the car in his name only? If its in your name don't remove the insurance. Additionally, if you own joint assets together please keep in mind that if he were to have an accident without insurance any assets you have MIGHT be subject to a lawsuit settlement. It would probably be best just to get him his own policy for the time being.

What I recommend is that you hire an attorney as fast as you can, and move toward a divorce as fast as you can. Normally, that wouldn't be my advice for a first time poster; however, your husband is displaying very reckless behavior that could result in a bad, bad, bad situation for you legally, financially and emotionally. He isn't a dry drunk, he is an active alcoholic. Another DUI without injuring anyone on its own is going to cost you huge.

katie44

The car I jointly owned , however the insurance is in my name . I'm so so hurt that he would do this . What a fool I am.

shell2516

I am so sorry.

I can't comment on the insurance as I'm in the UK and things may be different over here.

I so understand the anger. That's what I feel every single time my mum lies and drinks/does something she swore she wouldn't do. The anger can eat you up. I just try to remember that it's HER issue though. She's the one who lied so why should I make myself sad, angry and depressed? She chose to lie, no point making me miserable by being angry.

I really don't know what to say, I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice as I'm not in the best place right now but you are NOT a fool. You love him, you want things to be better, you want to be able to trust him. That doesn't make you a fool.

LexieCat

Most insurance companies require you to list everyone in your household, so you may be stuck on that one.

I'm really sorry, but you sound like you're at the end of your rope. I second the idea of consulting a lawyer (you don't have to actually FILE for anything unless/until you are ready), but getting advice on how to protect yourself and your assets, as well as your likely rights and obligations in the EVENT of a divorce, will give you a more accurate picture of your options.

AND, yes, Al-Anon will be great for getting your head clear so you can make good choices for yourself.

dandylion

Katie.....reading your thread, I kept thinking that you must feel soo exhausted!
with all your efforts to hold things together...and, him not working a p rogram of recovery....

This basic fact: You didn't cause it; You can't control it; and, you cant fix it.....
He will co ntinue to do what he is g oing to do....the question is, always, "what are you going to do?"

Get all the support that you can....alanon--lawyer---your own counselor---and, as always---you have the folks here who understand what you are going through.....

dandylion