willandsam

First, introduction of myself:

Me: 35; DH: 35
Two children: 3 years old and 9 months old
I'm a nursing mom, too.

My DH admitted he was addicted to crack over labor day weekend. On the 7th he checked into a treatment center that is 2 hours away for us. So the fact that he admitted his addiction and that he needed help, I'm thankful for.

I told my mom, who is retired and lives pretty much across the street from us, that I would need her help over the 4 weeks with the kids. Mostly just picking up our youngest from her care provider. She said ok. Well, last week, I guess she didn't get it and called me each day to see if she needed to pick up our daughter.

Today, when I dropped off my son at pre-school, I was reminded that we have a Parent Council Meeting tonight from 5:15 to 6. So I call my mom and to let her know that I'd be later getting my daughter and asked if that was going to be a problem. She relunctantly said, no. I asked if she was sure and she siad she was, just that she was tired.

Well, HELLO! I've been tossed into single parenthood with two small demanding children. Not to mention that I'm trying to figure out how to get through each day; I'm up til midnight most nights and back up somewhere between 2 to 3 AM to feed our daughter; back up at 6AM to get going for the day; our son is having daddy withdrawals and has become very clingly to me.

I got off the phone and just broke down in tears.

Am I asking too much of her to watch my daugheter an extra half hour this evening? Should I skip out on the Parent Council Meeting?

I'm new to this and never in my wildest dreams thought I'd have to deal with something of this nature. I've been so busy trying to keep things as normal as possible for my kids, I've not been able to find time to help myself sort through the anger, betrayal feelings, hurt or truly begin to educate myself on this horrible disease.

OK -- thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure I'll become a regular here as I work full-time too and this maybe the only place I'm able to find resources.

Lorelai

Welcome willandsam !
I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. It's tough having two little ones even without all that you are going through.

Maybe it would help to talk to your mom and explain that you are feeling overwhelmed. Maybe she's feeling overwhelmed too.

You know that it is very important that you take the time to help yourself. It's the best thing you can do for yourself and your children. I hope that this site can help you start to do that.

Keep reading and posting. I'm glad you're here.
Hugs - L

Peaches04

Hi there! I agree with Lorelai about talking to your mom and just being honest. It's hard to say, not knowing the relationship you have with her - but, it seems the best thing to do is be brutally honest and just tell her it is all you can do to hold on each day. Maybe she just doesn't understand? I too am 35 with 2 small children, and I used to get aggravated at my mom for 'reluctantly' watching my children so I could do things - but, I also wasn't honest with her. I never told her I was dying inside and that I was going insane. Now, through this board - I have found the courage and wisdom to understand that my AH's drinking is not something I caused or can be held accountable or looked down on for - that's his burden. Also, my mom is the Mother of Codependents... she is notorious for saying Yes, when she means No - extremely passive aggressive... maybe your mom is that way too? I don't know - she (your mom) may be feeling used because of her way of thinking - which my mom still doesn't really grasp that she is codependent. I really don't know - i'm just throwing out thoughts... Hang in there and have faith! Have faith for your children... mine are all I think about through all this and what is right for them. Lots of hugs to you!

cwohio

michelle - i don't have any advice. just wanted to share my support - wow - i don't know how you guys with children handle it all! i think what peaches says about being brutally honest is right on. i know many times i haven't really "told the whole story" therefore how can i expect someone else to really understand - by osmosis? no!

i hope you are able to get some relief and maybe get to an al-anon meeting sometime.

many hugs to you - cwohio

Petunia

Wilandsam,

I don't have children so can't even begin to imagine what you're going through but I do know that I have lots of conversations in my head with my family that I would benefit from having outloud with them. I am reminded so many times, once I'm on the other side, that my imagination is always worse than reality. When I speak the truth about my feelings, what's going on in my head/heart/soul, I can gain some peace. I may not get what I think I want from the other person, i.e. them to agree with me or do what I want, but I do get the release of not carrying another item around in my crowded head.

I know that my HP will take the stuff that I ask her to take as long as I really let go of it - and don't sneak a pinky lock on whatever it is "just in case". Telling someone what's going on in our head is different than asking them to "fix" things. Sometimes we need to remind our families that what we need is just a set of arms to hold us while we let it go.

I just asked my HP to bring you some peace today. You will get there.

Petunia

Rose56

Will and Sam, welcome, I am so glad you are here. This is a wonderful site with many people to care and support you. I understand you need for you mother's support and I agree with having a heart to heart with her. Do you have any other resources? Friends or church members that could help? Hang in there, my prayers are with you as you try to manage.

willandsam

Thanks for all the support!

I just met with our church Rector, whose only been there for 2 months and I hadn't met before. He is AWESOME! How many Pastors/Rectors/Ministers/etc will admit that they have done drugs and cuss right along with you? I not much on cussing, but he made me feel right at ease --

I do agree I need to chat with my mom and let her know what I'm feeling. I know I'm her only child and that she is concerned, but if she can't help me when I need it most, I've got to find another solution.

While I never dreamed I'd be posting on a board of this nature, I'm looking forward to getting support from everyone's experiences.

Michelle

KelKel

Hi willandsam...
Welcome.
Talking to your mom will be a good thing.
If you miss the parent council meeting then that is fine as well.
When I was a single working mom, I had to do what I had to do and you just can't be all things to all people, I am sure you can reschedule another time to meet and find out what happened at the meeting.
Just do what you can comfortably do right now and let the rest wait.
We are here for you....