Recovery at work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Recovery at work
Today I provided feedback to someone, who wanted to give me feedback on the feedback that he received, rather than understand the feedback. I felt frustrated that he was missing the point entirely because he was so defensive. As I relayed this to my supervisor, he put it concisely - and it was just the message I needed at that moment - Let it roll.
All at once I realized I was taking the employee's reaction personally when all I really needed to do was document that we had the discussion and preserve the emotional juice in my tank. (For the sake of keeping my job I did not explain my complicated psyche!!
)
As my recovery from booze and codependency evolve, I find it enriching all areas of my life. My body and mind are healthier without alcohol, my relationships have more appropriate boundaries, and, yes, even work is improving. A couple years ago when I first stated on this recovery journey I would have simultaneously held a grudge against the employee for not listening and felt low about myself for being too harsh.
Performance conversations aren't easy. As I conduct more of them I'll learn to be a better listener. I can't control what others do with their performance feedback, but I can say what I mean but without saying it "mean."
I've got a long way to go, but I'm more teachable than I used to be, and that sure is paying off!
All at once I realized I was taking the employee's reaction personally when all I really needed to do was document that we had the discussion and preserve the emotional juice in my tank. (For the sake of keeping my job I did not explain my complicated psyche!!
) As my recovery from booze and codependency evolve, I find it enriching all areas of my life. My body and mind are healthier without alcohol, my relationships have more appropriate boundaries, and, yes, even work is improving. A couple years ago when I first stated on this recovery journey I would have simultaneously held a grudge against the employee for not listening and felt low about myself for being too harsh.
Performance conversations aren't easy. As I conduct more of them I'll learn to be a better listener. I can't control what others do with their performance feedback, but I can say what I mean but without saying it "mean."
I've got a long way to go, but I'm more teachable than I used to be, and that sure is paying off!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Recovery at work! Yes! Me too...
I have been trying to apply not taking what others think of me personally... and to make amends right away... to take responsibility for what I am responsible for, without expectation that the other person will reciprocate. And in doing so, already my working relationship with this one co-worker in particular has improved. I still do not agree with most of what she does, but I keep to my side of the street, and voila! No more work conflict! lol
I have been trying to apply not taking what others think of me personally... and to make amends right away... to take responsibility for what I am responsible for, without expectation that the other person will reciprocate. And in doing so, already my working relationship with this one co-worker in particular has improved. I still do not agree with most of what she does, but I keep to my side of the street, and voila! No more work conflict! lol
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