The sound of a beer can opening
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The sound of a beer can opening
Something I've worked on in therapy is healing from the trauma-one thjng in particular was the fact that my ex did have me pegged on one thing-he would get onto me when I had a visceral reaction (I got to the point I could nolonger hide it) when I heard the beer can pop open. Of course that was my fault, too. I never knew if it was the first or the tenth plus of the day-he hid it all over. When I heard that sound my adrenaline immediately shot up and my body literally went into fight or flight mode and sometimes would get nauseous and my skin would start to itch-myself protecting me from what I knew would eventually happen-if not that night, some night soon. I've had to work through that and not alow myself to jump if I hear a beer open (which has only been a few times since he's been gone). It was like pavlovs dog! I knew what "reward" that beer meant for me and my kids! :/ Did any of y'all go through this??
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I did not but I recently heard a similar story.
My business neighbor was in an abusive marriage with an A. Monday through Thursdays he would be nice to her to make up for the not so nice Friday through Sunday. On Friday mornings and all weekend he would bring her coffee in bed as if to do one small, nice token for the horror that would occur that night. She said that on friday morning when she smelled the coffee brewing she would start crying. Sometimes he would try and be nice when he saw the tears then sometimes that is what would start the cycle, and he would throw the hot coffee on her or against the wall.
Oh man. You aren't the first person who has written about the sound and how it affected them. I am glad you are free.
My business neighbor was in an abusive marriage with an A. Monday through Thursdays he would be nice to her to make up for the not so nice Friday through Sunday. On Friday mornings and all weekend he would bring her coffee in bed as if to do one small, nice token for the horror that would occur that night. She said that on friday morning when she smelled the coffee brewing she would start crying. Sometimes he would try and be nice when he saw the tears then sometimes that is what would start the cycle, and he would throw the hot coffee on her or against the wall.
Oh man. You aren't the first person who has written about the sound and how it affected them. I am glad you are free.
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^ I so relate to that - even the tokens of love would get my blood boiling-my ex would do the same-buy me flowers, do other very nice things-and then wonder why I wouldn't appreciate them (put flowers in the vase) and then I was at fault for not appreciating his tokens when I knew what was inevitably coming. Glad to be free, too. I do miss his corniness-I adored that about him-he cracked me up and got me to get out of my serious nature-loved it. But even that whet away-and the cute little love pats on my butt turned into slaps that left marks or other disgusting grabbing in front of others-those were triggers as well. BUT the biggest was the beer can....to which I was called crazy. I am no longer crazy-I am free.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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My biggest trigger was 4 pm. It was when he was coming home from work, or not coming home from work, or coming home from work drunk.
My ex worked in "the field". Meaning he visited companies and wasn't at the office. Even though he got paid for 8 hrs, he could be done in 2.
In my stomach, I already knew at 2:30 pm it wasn't going to be a good night. If he wasn't home by 4:05 pm, that meant he ran away from home again. I never knew why, it was some excuse, like after he came out of the bar at 6 pm, he knew I would be mad, so he didn't come home, or because we had sex 2 nights ago, and he knew I didn't enjoy it. (I never said anything at all about that).
Actually that was another trigger for me for about 2 years. If we had sex, I knew that 2 days later, he either wouldn't come home, or if he did come home, he would be drunk and he would attack me verbally, and I would end up sleeping in the car.
amy
My ex worked in "the field". Meaning he visited companies and wasn't at the office. Even though he got paid for 8 hrs, he could be done in 2.
In my stomach, I already knew at 2:30 pm it wasn't going to be a good night. If he wasn't home by 4:05 pm, that meant he ran away from home again. I never knew why, it was some excuse, like after he came out of the bar at 6 pm, he knew I would be mad, so he didn't come home, or because we had sex 2 nights ago, and he knew I didn't enjoy it. (I never said anything at all about that).
Actually that was another trigger for me for about 2 years. If we had sex, I knew that 2 days later, he either wouldn't come home, or if he did come home, he would be drunk and he would attack me verbally, and I would end up sleeping in the car.
amy
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Yep ^ mine would offer to do such nice things for me (just a ruse)....run errands for me, fill my car up with gas-of course grabbing more alcohol each time he ran those sweet errands-then of course I would be blamed for being so mean and angry at him for doing all those "nice things". If anyone ever offers to put gas in my car, I may run for the hills! 
I'm so sorry you went through what you did, amy.
I'm so sorry you went through what you did, amy.
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Location: Pa
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Thankfully I lived in NJ when I was married. I didn't have to pump my gas. The gas station did it. I had to learn how to pump my own gas when I moved to Pa. (lol)
Another trigger for me was "Do you what to go out to eat, and where"? I would just want to hide under a bed. I knew what that meant. I had to make a decision, and any decision I made was stupid !!!!! Or better yet, "What movie would you like to watch?" Again just shoot me now......
It was funny when I moved in with my friends. They made the mistake of asking me where I would like to go out to eat. My face turned pale, I started sweating, couldn't speak, and had to run to a bathroom to barf. I told them they couldn't do that to me anymore !!!!! Told them I was use to that being a trick question for a fight to begin.
Just have to say, I have terrific friends, and they put up with me.
amy
Another trigger for me was "Do you what to go out to eat, and where"? I would just want to hide under a bed. I knew what that meant. I had to make a decision, and any decision I made was stupid !!!!! Or better yet, "What movie would you like to watch?" Again just shoot me now......
It was funny when I moved in with my friends. They made the mistake of asking me where I would like to go out to eat. My face turned pale, I started sweating, couldn't speak, and had to run to a bathroom to barf. I told them they couldn't do that to me anymore !!!!! Told them I was use to that being a trick question for a fight to begin.
Just have to say, I have terrific friends, and they put up with me.
amy
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With me it was the sound of ice cubes going into a glass. For a long time I could not have ice cubes in the fridge, too triggering. Today it still is the loudest sound in the world, but therapy and al-anon have removed the adrenalin and the rest of the PTSD "reflex".
Oh yeah, and which restaurant to go to? That was a major issue over here too. I could never be right, no matter what I picked.
Mike
Oh yeah, and which restaurant to go to? That was a major issue over here too. I could never be right, no matter what I picked.
Mike
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Yes!!! Ice cubes hitting plastic cup. Even at the gas station when getting soda! And I really used to hate Pepsi because he would mix it with whiskey. Now I am ok with Pepsi, but ice, no way.
My new fridge has no icemaker, and I am so ok with that.
My new fridge has no icemaker, and I am so ok with that.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Mine was walking into the garage incessantly with a Gatorade bottle. He "hid" his vodka in all kinds of crazy places, and whenever he walked into the garage randomly with bottle, my spidey-senses went ape sh*t crazy.
I'm still finding empty bottles in the strangest places all over my house as I continue to pack up his stuff.
I'm still finding empty bottles in the strangest places all over my house as I continue to pack up his stuff.
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls 
Something I've worked on in therapy is healing from the trauma-one thjng in particular was the fact that my ex did have me pegged on one thing-he would get onto me when I had a visceral reaction (I got to the point I could nolonger hide it) when I heard the beer can pop open. Of course that was my fault, too. I never knew if it was the first or the tenth plus of the day-he hid it all over. When I heard that sound my adrenaline immediately shot up and my body literally went into fight or flight mode and sometimes would get nauseous and my skin would start to itch-myself protecting me from what I knew would eventually happen-if not that night, some night soon. I've had to work through that and not alow myself to jump if I hear a beer open (which has only been a few times since he's been gone). It was like pavlovs dog! I knew what "reward" that beer meant for me and my kids! :/ Did any of y'all go through this??
The beer can pop sound is a trigger and upsetting to me so much so that even writing about it I can feel myself getting upset...
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Now when I think about it, mine was "shoveling" ice cubes, like picking ice with an alcoholic ice shovel. And it would always go: shovel sound 1, ice thump, shovel sound 2, ice thump, then close the freezer door thump. And this starts at 17:00 every work day, On weekends, it would repeat all day long. God, I hate Ice.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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I'm glad to know that I am not the only person triggered by the sound of can opening. I didn't realize how much it affected me until a friend opened a pop can in my home and I immediately had the panicked feeling that something bad was going to happen.
I swear I could hear the beer can opening from miles away. I never knew if it was the first or the tenth. On the weekends at 9:00 in the morning, I knew that any conversations/positive interaction with him were not going to happen once I heard that sound.
I don't know how triggering it is for me now as I live alone and don't have anyone opening up any cans unexpectedly. It's truly sad how things so innocent can send us overboard.
I swear I could hear the beer can opening from miles away. I never knew if it was the first or the tenth. On the weekends at 9:00 in the morning, I knew that any conversations/positive interaction with him were not going to happen once I heard that sound.
I don't know how triggering it is for me now as I live alone and don't have anyone opening up any cans unexpectedly. It's truly sad how things so innocent can send us overboard.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 171
yes on the beer can opening and all the sentiments shared about that. I epxerienced it too.
A big one for me is when males raise their voice. I feel my blood run cold, then I feel like I can't speak and I need to run away. This happens with my older boys, and then it happened yesterday when I was dealing with my middle son's probation officer and the probation officer yelled at me. I cried all the way home and then I was throwing up and sick to my stomach most of the afternoon.
I have an appointment with my dv counselor today to talk about it.
Sue
A big one for me is when males raise their voice. I feel my blood run cold, then I feel like I can't speak and I need to run away. This happens with my older boys, and then it happened yesterday when I was dealing with my middle son's probation officer and the probation officer yelled at me. I cried all the way home and then I was throwing up and sick to my stomach most of the afternoon.
I have an appointment with my dv counselor today to talk about it.
Sue
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls
Yep ^ mine would offer to do such nice things for me (just a ruse)....run errands for me, fill my car up with gas-of course grabbing more alcohol each time he ran those sweet errands-then of course I would be blamed for being so mean and angry at him for doing all those "nice things".
"I do so much for you... and you give me a hard time for having 'a few beers?'... Nothing will ever make you happy!"
Gaahhhh!
I found a "Sparks" can when I was cleaning out the greenhouse the other day. That is the disgusting purple malt beverage he was drinking along with vodka when his drinking was at its worst, and I was at my lowest point.... It definitely gave me that same visceral reaction you all describe, and it almost surprised me a little that my reaction was so strong.
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Kboys-Oh friend-I've said this before-these alcoholics read from a handbook. I love it! Strange it's always a "few beers". Yes, the forever victim of life, misunderstood, blah blah nothing I do makes you happy. Textbook alcoholism 101! I think the worst thing that I've had the hardest time getting over (there are hundreds of incidents to choose from) was aroumd Mother's Day two years ago. He was already drunk by mid afternoon (naturally, started drinking immediately after church) and so the girls and I left the house-I wanted to go hiking for Mother's Day so we went, without him, as usual. When we got home he was cooking a nice dinner (and I guess expected me to be all lovey dovey! He couldn't even look at me without his eyes glassing over) and I just tried to stay calm and not engage-my kids were 4 and only two months at this time. I took them to the bathroom to give them a bath and as I was putting my oldest in the bath I left little one in her carset (right behind me). I turned my head for less than 20 seconds and in that time my husband had stumbled over and picked her up out of her carset and slurred to me that he was going to help out and give her a bath-he tried to lean over and she almost fell out of his arms and his legs collapsed and almost fell on top of his newborn child. She would have died, literally. I grabbed her and tried to keep it together but he knew what he had done. He slurred something about an old football injury and that his knee gave out. I tried so hard just to avoid him but minutes later he was screaming curse words at me in front of our daughters and tried to take our oldest and put her in the car. I started defending myself and so wanted and needed to call the police-but I was terrified of what he would do. He threw some stuff around the house and then kicked the door open on the back porch and left-assuming he went to his moms. Typical, and she always welcomed her poor baby boy with arms wide open. He apologized profusely the next morning but that night was drunk again telling me it was my fault. Why am I sharing this?! Because that single incident still runs through my head almost every morning I see my now almost three year old. Literally. I've never been more scared or terrified in my life. I hope someday that memory will be replaced but for now, when I look at her, that's whst I think of. Sad, right?!? Time will heal this, I know. Thanks for your sharing and stories-we were all traumatized but will survive and thrive!
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