We are cloaked in the armor of God and have his grace-bc we walk in the truth and light. Darkness and evil cannot stop or silence us!

And no, I don't share anything with him-he's dug his hole, he can lay in it. My daughter knows she has me and others to share her concerns abd fears with-she has a good support system and knows the truth. I posted a while ago about a little blurb I read about abusive people-sonething like when you tell an abusive person they've hurt you, they abuse more. Truth! My ex is just like his dad-a coward and pitiful little boy bully with multiple chips on his shoulder that got off on getting drunk and abusing and scaring his wife and kids-guess that made him feel all powerful abd important. Don't miss that!!

I am really sorry you are feeling this way - you guys have been split a long time. It looks like you split back in 2011. The final divorce decree I think would be a bit underwhelming since you have been "out" of the marriage for so long. Its just a piece of paper.

As for the memories, I am inclined to believe you do have PTSD. I read back through your posts and the abuse you sustained was horrific even after you left him it just kept going on, and to the best of your ability you tried to put a stop to it.

So why should you feel any different necessarily today when you have been kicked over and over through the whole process? Even after the settlement was signed you stated he sent you an email saying he was going to violate it I think that same day.

I hope you will seek out some therapy I think it would be sooooo beneficial to you. The feeling of relief WILL come, I can't say when, but most likely when you really feel free. As for the memories, my dear, he is just someone you used to know. I don't believe it is that he is good, and that the alcoholism turned him into a monster. Rather he was good at hiding the monster until the alcoholism exposed exactly who he is.

Good riddance.

I think that even though the divorce is final...there is still grieving going on because it IS a loss and it DID take a lot from you...also, there is likely still much HEALING that needs to take place.

Another thing: Up til today, a lot of your focus/energy has been in getting the actual divorce started, processed and finalized. Now that THAT is done, you realize there are still issues that need to be addressed. The "ex" is an "ex" but is not totally out of your life and mind just because of a legal document. While you were focused on the divorce itself, you may have "shelved" some other issues, but focusing on the divorce while it was in process is something you needed to do. Now, your focus is going to "shift" and you will find yourself in a transition of sorts. Transitions can sometimes leave us feeling a bit confused and then second-guessing ourselves as well as second-guessing how we feel...it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling...Hugs.

Red-exactly the case with my ex....he wasn't good either. He was good at hiding who he really was-only I was honored enough to witness that! :/ the alcoholism exposed who he truly is. And it ain't pretty.
Friend-your ex is one sick cookie-but he will get his in Gids time-of that you can be sure. I know the pain of having children with a "man" like this-it's awful..,.but you will shine and hage a beautiful testimony and legacy to leave your children. Big hugs abd peace to you tonight!!

So true!! No, you cannot trust an abuser to stop abusing you just because they know they have hurt you. But because we love them, we hold out hope they will stop it. Then, when they don't stop and don't stop we come to a place when we realize their "love" for us is not the kind of "love" we can take anymore....

Also, it's a VERY bad sign in a relationship when you are made to feel bad because you feel bad...What I mean by that is when you communicate what they are doing to hurt you and rather than taking a look at what they did wrong and earnestly try to change (real change)they blame you for FEELING that way and try to make you feel like it is all in how you are taking it and "reacting" ...

^ yep-I grew to the point that I no longer desired any sort of "love" from my husband-if that's what love was to him, I wanted no part of it and pray nobody ever has to be "loved" by him the same way in the future. His love was abuse.

Teatree-yes, absolutely. My ex would listen and respond at first in our marriage-and then the downhill slide started. At the end, for years, of I said anything about his disgusting treatment I was called a psycho, pu**y and over sensitive-he called others the same things as well. He cornered one of his family members one night-a woman (yes, he was drunk) and she was freaked out-naturally-he came home and got more drunk telling me how she was ridiculous and a pu**y...that seemed to be his go to when he would try and bully someone and they reacted. He's also cursed at his own daughter when she stood up for herself. I would scream "no jackass, your four year old isn't being a bitch-she's scared of YOU-don't make her feel bad for being scared!!!". And he still treats her that way. Bully mentality. Disgusting on all levels.