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-   -   alcoholic girlfriend won't leave/threat to self (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/383037-alcoholic-girlfriend-wont-leave-threat-self.html)

Txjeepguy 06-24-2016 07:32 AM


Originally Posted by LexieCat (Post 6013653)
Be sure you let the prosecutor know IMMEDIATELY if she violates the no-contact order (which I assume is a bail condition)--she can be locked up, and her bail revoked or increased. I hope you had good insurance coverage?

My insurance has been fantastic. Since she wasn't on the policy, and left some pretty damning evidence, they are taking good care of me.

Txjeepguy 06-24-2016 07:33 AM


Originally Posted by Wisconsin (Post 6013665)
I had been wondering about you, TXjeepguy! First and foremost, I'm glad YOU are ok. (It's not unusual that when people go radio silent here, for it to be a sign that they have reconciled with their qualifiers).

Fingers crossed that your home will be restored soon, and you can return to some sense of normalcy. :grouphug:

Honestly it was embarrassment combined with not knowing what I should/shouldn't say with an investigation going on.

Wisconsin 06-24-2016 07:37 AM


Originally Posted by Txjeepguy (Post 6013671)
Honestly it was embarrassment combined with not knowing what I should/shouldn't say with an investigation going on.

My friend, you never owe anyone, much less any of us, an explanation. There have been plenty of times when embarrassment and shame kept me away, or limited what I shared, too. And I certainly understand needing to watch what you say from a legal perspective.

Like I said--we are just glad you are OK.

CentralOhioDad 06-24-2016 07:40 AM

Hoping and praying that things will start to calm down for you.

What a ride....

firebolt 06-24-2016 07:54 AM

Un-freaking believable!

I'm envisioning you in your mansion 5 years from now after selling the movie rights to your autobiography.

Glad you weren't there...glad you have a no contact order...and hoping you keep a baseball bat by your bed and a tire iron under the seat of your car.

Take care of yourself - I can't wait until this is all over for you.

redatlanta 06-24-2016 08:20 AM

Why would you have a lengthy Court battle I assume this is criminal not civil correct?

What did she get a public defender? I thought she was unemployed or had little money

Txjeepguy 06-24-2016 08:31 AM


Originally Posted by redatlanta (Post 6013723)
Why would you have a lengthy Court battle I assume this is criminal not civil correct?

What did she get a public defender? I thought she was unemployed or had little money

Real lawyer. No idea how she's paying for it. Assuming she was hiding money or she has someone else helping her.

And yes, criminal. I'll be going after her in civil court after that's done.

Ariesagain 06-24-2016 08:56 AM

Will your insurance company help with the civil case? This is money out of their pockets...they don't care for that much.

I'm just glad you weren't home. Yikes.

couchloc 06-24-2016 08:56 AM

Wow what a nightmare you've gone through. Best of luck to you.

Ambuler 06-24-2016 09:08 AM

Hello tx. I first and foremost want to say how much I appreciate you being open enough to share your story. This is the first time I've come across this thread, and I read the entire 7 pages from beginning to end. Wow. Just wow...I'll be honest here and say that initially the reason that I was so enthralled is that three years ago I was your ex. The difference is when my husband called the police on me because of what I had destroyed in a drunken rage, I fessed up and took responsibility and went to jail. I didn't try and deflect the blame at that point. I knew at that point that something had to give. It had to stop. It was the best thing that my husband could have ever done for me, and himself. Only by the grace of God (and lots and LOTS of therapy and meetings) did we reconcile. Honestly, I would even have recommended my husband run and never look back. I suppose God had a bigger plan.

I'm honestly very shocked that the justice system in your state is making things so difficult for you! My husband was able to immediately get a temporary RO on me, and have me charged with DV/criminal damage. I had to stay in a battered women's shelter for two months. What more did the police in your town need to have her charged and removed???? That's absolutely baffling...

Anyway, I just really wanted to let you know that, for one, I'm also rooting for you and pray that your situation will finally come to a peaceful end, and that your ex gets everything that she deserves. No matter what her issues are, there is NO reason to terrorize someone like she has. She needs to be punished to the full extent of the law. I also wanted to say thank you for the grim reminder of where I came from, where I could have been headed, and that sobriety is something to strive for with everything I have. Stay strong xx

:You_Rock_

Ambuler 06-24-2016 09:19 AM

I also wanted to add that my husband wasn't home either when I destroyed his property, and he was still able to have me arrested with DV. All the cops needed to know is that we were in a relationship. Texas is very odd...

Bekindalways 06-24-2016 09:38 AM


Originally Posted by Ambuler (Post 6013775)
Hello tx. I first and foremost want to say how much I appreciate you being open enough to share your story. This is the first time I've come across this thread, and I read the entire 7 pages from beginning to end. Wow. Just wow...I'll be honest here and say that initially the reason that I was so enthralled is that three years ago I was your ex. The difference is when my husband called the police on me because of what I had destroyed in a drunken rage, I fessed up and took responsibility and went to jail. I didn't try and deflect the blame at that point. I knew at that point that something had to give. It had to stop. It was the best thing that my husband could have ever done for me, and himself. Only by the grace of God (and lots and LOTS of therapy and meetings) did we reconcile. Honestly, I would even have recommended my husband run and never look back. I suppose God had a bigger plan.

I'm honestly very shocked that the justice system in your state is making things so difficult for you! My husband was able to immediately get a temporary RO on me, and have me charged with DV/criminal damage. I had to stay in a battered women's shelter for two months. What more did the police in your town need to have her charged and removed???? That's absolutely baffling...

Anyway, I just really wanted to let you know that, for one, I'm also rooting for you and pray that your situation will finally come to a peaceful end, and that your ex gets everything that she deserves. No matter what her issues are, there is NO reason to terrorize someone like she has. She needs to be punished to the full extent of the law. I also wanted to say thank you for the grim reminder of where I came from, where I could have been headed, and that sobriety is something to strive for with everything I have. Stay strong xx

:You_Rock_

Ambuler, I so appreciate you folks from the other side chiming in. It is very powerful when the recovering As say things like you said above.

Congrats on working your recovery. May you never go back.

Ambuler 06-24-2016 09:57 AM

Bekindalways, it's only by our testimony that many of us have hope. Ironically, I'm actually going to suggest on one of the newcomers threads that they take a bit and scroll through the Friends and Family section for some extra motivation. Stories like these are very humbling and offer insight, if you're ready to look at yourself, that is.

Txjeepguy 06-24-2016 11:27 AM


Originally Posted by Ambuler (Post 6013779)
I also wanted to add that my husband wasn't home either when I destroyed his property, and he was still able to have me arrested with DV. All the cops needed to know is that we were in a relationship. Texas is very odd...

They are. It's frustrating and honestly if it weren't for the great career I have here id be packing up and moving far away right now.

They're a bit old fashioned on DV- women are victims, men are aggressors, and they want it to happen more than once before they do anything. The night of the fire, I even had an officer tell me this was my fault for not getting her out sooner.... Never mind that he had no understanding of eviction law and how long it takes.

The private attorney I consulted about an RO told me it was 4K for a crap shoot to see if I'd get one. Didn't sound like a good investment.

Txjeepguy 06-24-2016 11:30 AM


Originally Posted by Ariesagain (Post 6013766)
Will your insurance company help with the civil case? This is money out of their pockets...they don't care for that much.

I'm just glad you weren't home. Yikes.

They'll be going after her for the damage to the home from the fire.

I'm going after her for a break in, property theft, breaking the glass in my car, damage to my garage from an earlier tantrum, unpaid rent/utilities, my deductible, etc.

Probably will never see a dime but at this point I don't care.

minime13 06-24-2016 12:10 PM

This is heartbreaking, and I'm truly sorry that you are going through this.

I agree that Texas is odd on its handling of DV. In larger cities, they're outright negligent. I had a friend call the cops after her (now) ex attacked her, and they never even showed. She ended up going to a substation to report it hours later. And if you're a male victim - best of luck. It's a really backward system.

I also want to tell you thank you for sharing this story. You may not even realize it, but sharing your honest and candid experience here is likely helping an untold number of people make the same tough decisions that you have made. I know you're not likely looking at it that way, but it takes real courage to share to a community and your words may be helping people come to a difficult decision as we speak, and that's commendable.

I hope you keep coming back to get the great support this community provides. I also hope for a much easier road for you to travel in the near future - it will get that way, so keep that in mind.

Hangnbyathread 06-24-2016 12:52 PM

Even if you don't get paid, you can record that judgment against her. It will follow her around for 10 years at least.

If she gets a job or comes into financial gain, you can collect then.

May not seem worth doing, but it will affect her credit etc. Give you some satisfaction.

And good on you for working with your insurance co. I did the same thing when I was extricating her from my life. One of the 1st things I did was make sure my insurance knew that I was dealing wit an addict and it was now adversarial. They assured my I would be covered if anything happened after that.

In my case nothing did, but to NOT be covered had it gone bad, would have added more pain to the process.

I'm over 2 years out now. Single. Happy about it, and am reluctant to ever let someone live with me again after having an addict in my life.

Just too many legal hassles if it explodes.

amy55 06-24-2016 05:28 PM

Sometimes, I have no words. I am so speechless over this. This person has serious mental problems. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are a terrific guy.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

and yes, from now on I would always watch my back.

LexieCat 06-25-2016 12:43 PM

I think discussing the facts of the case is something you'd be smart to avoid, on an online forum. In theory, what you say could be considered a statement that is "discoverable" by the defense and could be used in cross-examination, etc. I don't think you've discussed it in a problematic way yet, just giving you a heads-up.

That's true for anyone here who has been victimized and has potential criminal charges floating around. Chances are your comments would never see the light of day, but better safe than sorry.

Wells 07-10-2016 10:03 AM

I just read this whole thread today and all I can say is - wow. TXJeepGuy the amount of class you have handled this situation in, is miraculous. You obviously have a fantastic head on your shoulders and have to be one of the most put together people I have ever seen. So heartbreaking that a good dude like you has to go through all of this.

Thoughts with you, thank you for sharing your story as something I hope others can see and use as incentive to get out of these type of situations as fast as they can.


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