Would Appreciate Some Input Please
 

What do you think it means when you are no longer upset by violent drunken outbursts, that go on for hours? I've been called "YOU F........ BITCH" about 50 times in the last 24 hours and it doesn't even bother me. I was just happy when he finally passed out. Do many of you live with violent verbal abuse, and if so, how do you handle it? I usually leave the house, but he stopped me last night. He was teetering on the edge of extreme violence, so I just stayed put and listened to it until he passed out. Then had to hear it all over again when he started drinking about 10 this morning. But curiously enough, I don't seem to care. I'm thinking one of us needs a physchiatrist, and I'm not sure which one! Thanks for listening.

I just developed an emotional callous to it after a while.
Spicoli used to call me every name in the book all night long.
After a while, it just loses it's affect, you know?
And he would never shut up until he had run his course.
I would either leave, or just sit there listening to him tirade until he was done.
Once I stopped letting it bother me, it just became a lot of hot, drunken air.
His words were emotional weapons.
Once I quit letting them hurt me, they became ineffective.

Yeah same thing here I just quit letting them affect me and kept reminding myself that is was an addict and a drunk talking. This website has helped me to be able to handle it as well as alot of other things . It has given me an outlet and understanding people to talk to and the knowledge that I am not alone.
Rose

My famous line but "Ditto" especially what Gabe said.... I have an A who is so verbally abusive that it does appear to the point that he may become violent-I too have reached that level where I hang up of course say Goodnight-or if I'm there in front of him I keep silent and just let him get it all out ("run its course") and then I go to sleep or go home! Mine NEVER PASSES out when I'm around ....just when we have PLANS to do something then goes and F**** them all up! Ahhh the joy of knowing we are getting better and can let it roll!

(((Hugs Elaine)))) Awesome job ! :cheer

You are all miles ahead of me.
I was doing really well this time last year and then he went and got sobor for a while. Then I went into a happy time and over the past few months, it's just been a steady downhill spiral with him.
The outbursts of defiance and justification is what mine has. The old "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" routine.

I feel awful.

Elaine,
The old saying "Sticks and stones..." applies in that situation. When I started learning to love myself, what others said stopped having world stopping power. Realizing that others strike out in pain and sickness, and not taking it personally has helped me too.

LST,
It is hard to switch modes from sober to not. I can detach from the disease, then get some hope and feel like a yoyo. I have had to learn to detach from the sober too. I live one day at a time, enjoy the good, and don't expect it for anymore than today. Then I don't get disappointed, frustrated, or angry. That has taken time to learn. Don't give up. Keep seeking support. Hugs, Magic

I can relate to this one! I have been called every name in the book. I too have learned not to let it effect me. I have become numb to it. What it does though is leave him looking for a reaction. So he has to dig deeper into his bag of insults to find a new one that can grab my attention. It's so sad all part of this darn disease!

i used to yell and scream back when my ah got to this point - it's always the same things - he paid off the mortgage, i supposedly slept with married men 20 years ago before we were married (so he says he heard from other people and says he still hears about - yeah right)!

we haven't had one of those outbursts since i have started going to al-anon so i am hoping when the time comes i will react much differently. i hope i can get to the point where i am callous and it blows over my head.

cwohio

hi all... sounds like we can all relate to this one! whew! and Elaine2 - I am so with you. some days I think I'm getting better and some days I think I've gotten so good at detaching or not letting myself feel things...I never know what is the right or wrong way to feel. But, if it doesn't hurt - then that's better than if it does, right? But some days, he catches me off guard and I just blow up! Plus, I am still new and feel like if I don't defend myself that is just making me open target. But, i'm starting to understand that is not the right way to think. I guess the reason they came up with the cliche "aruging with a drunk" is because, you/me actually are. I remember when I used to tell my friends about weird fights we'd have, I'd often say things like "it's like he's out of control" or "it just didn't make sense"... well, now I know I was right...he is out of control and it doesn't make sense. I wish I would have heard myself then.

My AH is also verbally abusive when he's drunk. At first, I use to cry and fight back, not realizing the downsides to fighting with a drunk - we had some pretty hairy fights. Then I realized that if I don't fight back, then he isn't as nasty. So I stopped. But I still get upset about being called a b** and worse. After his last binge, I told him that it is no longer acceptable for him to call me names when he is drunk. They hurt me and I will not tolerate being treated that way. If he decides to drink and calls me hurtful names, then he must move out. Not sure if this is an effective way to handle things, but at least it gives me time away from him to sort out my feelings when he acts so hurtful towards me (I have a hard time hearing those words from the man that pledged to love me for the rest of our lives...).