HHTexas

Found a hotel reservation for AH. And not for me. For last Tues. He was supposed to be at an AA meeting. "Working late and going straight to meeting." In shock. Then feel dumb like I shouldn't be as this is the second time. Just had a great weekend away together.

BananaTree

awe, so sorry Texas - sending hugs (( ))

honeypig

HH, I understand how you feel, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It is truly awful.

You say this is the 2nd time. What are YOU going to do different this time?

THippy

I have no wisdom to share but wanted you to know that I'm sorry you're going through that.
Wishing you strength and clarity.

Refiner

Oh GAWD!!!! What an A-Hole Cheating JERK. Is this IT for you, then? How are you going to present you with this knowlege? What a fake, he is. He's probably still drinking, too.

SparkleKitty

I'm so sorry, HH. I know just that sickening feeling. How can we help?

AnvilheadII

oh gross. i am SO sorry. vent away.......i'm sure you have a jumble of emotions to work thru!

Liveitwell

I'm so
SORRY!! These guys are just great at lip service-and telling you what you want to hear while doing nothing. Just more lies. My ex also lied about going to
AA meetings. I guess he thought he could continue lying about everything and continue his marriage based on lies! Um, nope.
What will it take YOU to see this guy is not going to change?! This is him-he feels entitled to treat you this way and lie. Can I also ask-sensitive stuff-but have you gotten tested for STD's?

Many hugs to you and I second HP-what can we do for you? How can we help?

Kboys

Oh I'm so sorry (((((HH))))))
I know that feeling too... it's the worst, just the worst.
Thinking of you!!!

LexieCat

What a jerk.

I'm really, really sorry you're having to deal with this. Still, painful as knowledge is, it would be worse to keep thinking he's working late and going to meetings.

FireSprite

I'm SO sorry. I know I would be devastated, sending you HUGE (((((HUGS))))) today. Please, vent & scream & get the emotion out!!

And then, like honeypig suggested, figure out what this means in terms of YOUR next steps.

HHTexas

Somehow I've got to leave. It's weird. I'm working today, of course, and trying to keep my head in the game. I'm scared to confront him...wtf?! I know he'll weasel and then go on the offensive. I have an apartment in mind. As crazy as it sounds, I don't want to tell family because they will be furious at him (duh.. who wouldnt). But I'll need their help.

Lilro

That SUCKS!

It's not enough that you are dealing with his alcoholism, right!?! The majority of us have been there...I for one know how you feel.... It's nauseating.

Before you call him out on it ( I hope to god you do ) make sure to have a plan B in line...

Wishing you nothing but big hugs!!!!!! We are here!!! Xo

Refiner

Here's a thought. Since you know what's going on, what's there to even confront him about? Just detach and get the apartment and go about your business. Is there anyway you can get a copy of the proof of the hotel or get a receipt for the room? Just leave it on his pillow and gtfo and leave his cheating @$$! I'm glad you will have suppportive family. I hope they ARE furious at him!

Lilro

My thoughts exactly^^^^. What's there to say???

jjj111

HH, this has happened more than once before, no? I remember your story--just looking quickly at the titles of your past posts, there were cheating incidents in May of 2015, July of 2014, and July of 2010. I don't say this to upset you, but just because it is probably worth keeping in mind that this is a LONG running pattern of his. I hope you will find a way to protect yourself, both physically and emotionally!

marie1960

Please try to remember his unacceptable actions are truly a reflection of HIM, not YOU.

Betrayal is such a horrible emotion to be slapped in the face with.

I am truly sorry for your current hurt. I am sorry that this is how he is choosing to live his life, also remember you have many CHOICES also. Take care of yourself, choose what works for you, his words at this point are meaningless, his actions have spoken.

As far as sharing with your family, you get to decide exactly how much you want to share. A simple, We are separating /divorcing will suffice. You may add that you are currently are not ready to share any additional details. People that love and care about you, will respect this, and be there for you if/ when the day comes that you do want to talk.

Wisconsin

HH, I understand the need to get help to leave, and the reluctance to go into a lot of the details. I agree with Marie whole-heartedly; you can choose to share only generalities. You can also share more details if you're comfortable doing so, but let your family know that this is not the time for anyone to fly off the handle at your AH. It's the time for action, to get you out to somewhere safe.

Hawkeye13

I like Refiner's approach--get the place, hire a mover when he's at work,
leave the receipt for the hotel on the pillow.
Transfer money from joint assets the same day.
Hire an excellent lawyer.

Nothing more needs to be said.

AnvilheadII

As crazy as it sounds, I don't want to tell family because they will be furious at him

you don't have to DEFEND your reason to leave OR give out all the dirty details until you are ready to do so when it comes to family and friends. keep it simple.

i agree with others on not having yet another nowhere talk with HIM.....there is NOTHING left to say. nothing left to confront. YOU know, HE knows. nuff said. just get 'er done.