Wisconsin

I don't know what the law is in Texas, but it may not be advisable to walk out with the child and leave the hotel receipt on the pillow...that is definitely worth a talk with an attorney.

HHTexas

Already consulted attorney in Oct. Maybe they give 2 free consults? Jk. Definitely can't take little one without telling him.

Praying

Hi...I'm so so sorry! I know that sickness...and I also know the conversation afterwards where he's able to twist what you saw and convince you otherwise. And where your heart wants to believe him. Believe your head.

Please take care of you. Sending you hugs today.

NoelleR

Me too, sorry, but to add to 'the sensitive,' regarding HIV testing, it's usually advisable to repeat the test at three months, and again at six months(false positives are possible); and of course, no unprotected sex during this time.

(o:

Hangnbyathread

Man does this bring back memories. Sucks and I'm sorry you are going through it.

TropicalWinter

I too have been through the pain of an unfaithful spouse - last year I found out that AH had been having an affair for about a year prior with his "work wife," someone I'd known fairly well and really liked. They're still together. Gentle hugs to you.

HHTexas

Thoughts on asking him to leave?? Would like at least some stability for little man if possible.

LexieCat

Well, it's your call, obviously, but I'm pretty sure I'd be done, at least for the foreseeable future.

HHTexas

Sorry meant, him vs me leaving. I.e. make him take on the hassle of moving :-o

Lilro

You should book him a room at the hotel ..... Since he likes it there so much....

Mango blast

Starting a new post with that subject is likely to get a lot of E S & H, and ideas for information gathering for taking informed actions.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Do you have some in-person support today?

Every time I've thought I needed some big immediate answer, turning my attention to my own recovery program, doing the next right action (like getting the oil changed in the car, eating healthy food, doing service work, etc.) and lots of prayer seemed to take care of things. It often resolved on it's own, or I was given the words as I needed them. Thanking my HP for giving me everything I needed for the day, each day, has gone a long way with helping me realize that somehow things always work out.

Prayers are with you. As you take care of yourself, you'll be able to take care of your son no matter what happens.

My husband is now working his own recovery program in AA. It's new enough that I've had to really ramp up my own recovery program. Before that, and even with that, I'm gaining awareness of how much our 8 yr old son is in need of a full network of stable, healthy people in his life. They are starting to appear, and I'm getting more experience with accepting and asking for help. One day at a time. Baby steps.

Wisconsin

HH, regardless of whether you ask him to leave, I suggest you have a short-term plan in place for you and your child. My STBXAH, who toots his own horn an awful lot about being a "real man" who would never put himself before women and children, agreed to move out one day, and the very next day acted like absolutely nothing had happened. Even securing a commitment from your AH to leave doesn't guarantee that he actually will. Or that he won't think he can come and go from your marital residence as he pleases.

I, too, wanted to keep my children in the home they were familiar with. But as soon as that level of crazy revealed itself, I started looking for a place and ended up moving myself, my dog, and my 3 kids into an 800 square foot, 2-bedroom apartment. And we have never, ever been happier or more at peace.

Branches

A big hug to you. Betrayal on top of dealing with addiction - that's a real sucker punch to the gut. I'm so sorry.
No matter what he says, girlfriend, actions speak louder than words. Do what you need to do to take the best care of you. You don't owe any explanation to anybody unless you want to give it. But . . . I wouldn't sleep with him. You don't want some STD, the gift that keeps on giving, and I wouldn't trust what he says about the risk of that or if he used protection or what. He's obviously not ready to be the kind of man you deserve. And this is not the life you deserve either.

dandylion

HHTexas......just a word of caution....whenever you do discuss the issue of the hotel room.....
I advise you not to enter into a debate with him. I suggest to TELL him that you know that he cheated....not ASK him if he did.
They always lie---even when caught in the act---they will still lie!!
Don't let him cause you to doubt yourself and wonder if you overreacted, etc.

If/when you choose to discuss with him....state the facts and you boundary very directly and simply......and then follow your plan without further drama or l istening to his manipulations.....

I think it would be good to have y ou plans in place before entering into any discussions with him.

You do not need him to agree with you on anything! He probably won't, anyway.
What you know is what is important...not anything that comes out of his mouth....

dandylion

marie1960

May I suggest you confront him by phone? Far away and safe, so if he decides to blow, you and your child are not in his war path? Besides your child doesn't need to be in the same household when this goes down. Liars can't handle getting caught, and before you know it he will turn this on you, and there really is something about someone who feels backed into a corner, they just may come out swinging. You really do not have to endure anymore lies, or excuses.

or maybe just send him a picture of the room receipt ? but I would do this from a nearby friend or family members home.

Stay strong, friend.

LexieCat

I think I'd skip the confrontation, though I'll admit it would be tough to do. You were thinking of leaving anyway. I'd just do it. You don't owe him an explanation.

changeneeded

I feel terrible for you, I honestly do. I envy the fact that you have proof, I must admit. I'm in a place that I'm 98 percent positive mine is but don't have physical proof. So as is the norm, I get called crasy, jealous and blah blah blah.

You do what you need to do for yourself. Try not to worry about what family will say or how they will feel. If you tell them and in the end decide to try to work it out, it will be none of their business.

Good luck an good thoughts to you.

hopeful4

You are trying to protect him from family, that is not for you to do. Reach out for support for YOU.

Many, many hugs. I am so sorry.

Lilro

Just checking in on you Texas....

Yoga

If you have a child why should you have to leave?

Really, there isn't anything to say as this is his pattern other than,

"This is no longer working for me."

Sorry you are going through this.