the abusive father
 

:bigcry I have been dealing with my alcoholic father for 32 years. And like most others, I have seen the changes that come from years and years of drinking. For 17 years I have been walking on egg shells. I never know what kind of mood he will be in. There seems to be three stages of his drunkness. The first is when he has just had a couple of beers and his friends are over. This stage I can handle. It's this second stage that scares me the most. He has been at the bar since 5:30 a.m and gets home 12 hours later. That is when all hell brakes loose. If I happen to run into him before he has passed out...let's just say that earlier today he was threatining to break my neck. The third stage is when he is so intoxicated he can't see straight. He comes in and passes out. No problem handiling this one.
It is hard to live your life around someone whom is an alchoholic. For my mother and I, we have worked out a system to forewarn each other. But sometimes...you just have to go home.

I wish I had some answers for you but I don't. Keep coming back reading and posting it helps. There are alot of wise caring people on this site that can help give you some insight on your situation. In the meantime it would be a good idea for your and your mother to check into alanon to do something for yourselves living with an alcoholic affects the whole family as you already have learned the only thing we can do is focus on ourselves and let them deal with the consequences of their actions. Is there a place that you and your mother can spend the night when he is in stage 2 ? Please try to make arrangements to keep yourselves safe that is the most important thing.
Hugs and prayers to both of you.
Rose

Hi trixxisd,
Welcome to SR. If you've read any of the posts, you know that you are not alone in your struggles with the effects of alcoholism. There are a lot of people who are going through what you are. We all reach a point where we finally start reaching out for help. The good news is that there is help.

Feel free to browse the forum, post or reply. There is a lot of experience, strength, and hope here. When we realize that we can't "fix" the alcoholic, and begin looking to fix our broken lives, we need others to show us how. It is possible to learn to deal with alcoholism in a healthier way that allows us to take care of ourself.

The Al-Anon program has helped me to begin healing. I lost myself in trying to fix others. I didn't feel I had anything else to give. The wonderful support of Al-Anon meetings, and Al-Anon literature, has helped me to find me again.

I hope that you find some comfort and serenity here. I certainly have. Don't miss the power posts at the top of the forums. There is a lot of great information there, as well as a book list of helpful literature. To find an Al-Anon meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html and select "How to locate a meeting." Come back when you need us. Vent, share or just browse. You don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic

trixxisd - sorry to hear about your situation. listen to the wise folks on this board - hopefully you can find an al-anon meeting to go to. and like red said - a safe place for you and your mom to go if there is possible physical danger.

hugs and support to you - cwohio