noifs2day

There is a line in the Al-Anon suggested closing, that I have a tough time with. Not in a bad way, but in a way that I know I need to work on it.

The line is…
“Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.”

My trouble is reasoning things out with someone else locally. I have trouble calling someone locally to reason things out with them; I can call about schedules or ‘business’ stuff but not my personal things. I guess the internet feels different because well, I don't feel like I am being a burden. You can choose to open the thread or not, and only the ones that want to respond do.

Has anyone else felt this way?
How do I get past calling local people on the phone list?
How do I bring myself to stop reasoning things out on my own?

I think I’ve been reasoning things without the help or input of the A, for so long that I have trouble with this.

Magichappens

Hey noifs,
I know exactly what you mean. I had a hard time calling until I decided that I needed to lay some groundwork. I decided that I would call someone on the phone list when I felt ok and just say hey. I figured it would make me happy if someone from the group called me just to say hey. Some of the people I called I felt comfortable enough to start talking to on a regular basis. Some I didn't. That was how I got started.

I couldn't just jump into my problems without some trust. Talking to people on a casual level helped me to feel my way. I am a lot better at asking for help now. Hope that helps. Hugs, Magic

redrose0729

I know how you feel in person it does feel like you could be a burden. One of my fears honestly is going to alanon that someone I know will be there. I tell no one about my problems at home with my A cause I don't want to hear the same thing and that would be "leave him" I feel that is a decision only I can make. Although I have been guilty of doing that from time to time and I regret it.
Rose

redrose0729

PS ..... That is why coming here has been such a great thing for me. It gives me a place to open up and without worry.

Peaches04

I feel the same way. I have just come out of denial that my husband is an alcholic and I finally broke down and told my mom and two sister - and they just kind of looked at each other and said "well, honey - we knew that, didn't we?". Thats denial for you. So anyway I feel like every time I talk to them all I talk about is this and I keep wanting to call someone else - and like you don't have the courage? to call someone on that list. Plus, its really hard for me to get to Alanon meetings because I have 2 small children and work full time. But, just reading this board and the literature has helped me immensley, but it would be nice to talk to someone. I have so many questions still. Thanks for listening!

Magichappens

Hi Peaches,
Glad you joined us. Many Al-Anon meetings either allow children, or have a person there to look after them. My group allows children as long as they aren't disruptive. Coloring books are a great Al-Anon tool. Check with your local Al-Anon to find out if there is a meeting that you can attend with your children. http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html and select "How to locate a meeting." Hugs, Magic

noifs2day

Magic - or anyone else:
so, how did you start the conversation?
?Hey, I'm just tring to learn how to use the phonelist?

At a few of the meetings we have, we are the only ones in the building. The kids (if there are any) usually sit in a vacant room or in the hall, hanging out coloring or reading. (They are not supervised, but they do seem very well behaved. Never once did we have a problem.) I saw one mother teaching the child how to read time on the wall clock. Another time, a lady brought a baby that just finished feeding and slept throught the meeting. ~Guess that's one way to get the info subliminally into the kid's head at a young age. ~

Peaches04

If I were a betting girl...I bet when I do finally get the courage to make a call - they will be lucky if they can understand me through the tears and the pain. It seems with me I'm one of those that misses God's little stones and waits for the big rock to hit me But, my impression from the one meeting I went to, was that if they put their name on the list - they want you to call. After all - they are codies - it makes them feel good to help you! At least that's what they told me. Is that right, Magic?

cwohio

good thread - i have received 1 phone number and it was from a lady at the first meeting i went to. of course, have i called her? no and i haven't seen her at a meeting since. i guess i just need to do as magic suggested and do a casual call. that way you can feel more comfortable. if you see the same faces week after week, you are bound to get more comfortable eventually after that initial call.

here i am talking about it like i have done it already!

cwohio

splendra

when I first called I called the alanon hotline in the phonebook. My first experience in talking to someone from alanon was on the phone so they did not know my face nor I theirs. I talked for a while with this one lady and she said she was not going to talk to me anymore unless I went to a meeting and met her there. The rest is history. She became my sponcer. She made me get a phone list and call everyone on it while I was working my 4th step. I was to say that I was working my 4th step and that my sponcer told me to call everyone on the list it was really cool I had some great conversations and made some new friends... I have the best sponcer!!!

cwohio

splendra - can you pick me up on the way to your next meeting? that sounds wonderful - it seems some meetings are just better organized than others.

oh well - i'll just keep trying different ones!

hugs - cwohio

Gracey

I am still having no luck in the sponsor department........I will continue to look.......It has probably been a good thing......since all I tend do is feel sorry for myself alot of the time.......I would have depressed that person.......My posts have spoke for themselves........

A phone list.......I have asked but no one seems to have them so far where I am at......I need 26 hours in a day.......24 is just not enough time........lol......Somehow I have to figure out more time to make more meetings so I can possibly find a sponsor......

cwohio

hey gracey - we're in the same boat - we'll find someone for us when we are supposed to. they volunteer to be sponsors - they know what they are dealing with. now come on - you were sounding so positive there before.

hugs - cwohio

Magichappens

"I liked what you said at the meeting the other night" is a good starter. I usually call when I am cooking, so I talk about what I'm cooking. One thing that really is a good icebreaker is to ask people about themself. When I first attended Al-Anon, I took notes. This was great to get to know people at the meetings. I think the biggest thing is just picking up the phone and doing it. Good luck! Magic

noifs2day

Good idea Magic.
Peaches I like what you said about God's little stones.

Ok I am practicing... now where is that darn 500 pound telephone...