Yurt

I've been doing pretty well after leaving and divorcing XAH, and dealing with interactions involving our DD. She is staying with me for a couple more days before I have to go back to work. XAH is taking her back to college next week, so we are splitting up the remaining time.
He seems to be doing well; although I suspect he is still drinking. He has been posting about "rising above the negative energy that surrounds us", and other similar sentiments on his FB page, but I am (mostly) able to ignore all of this. I had to tell him about my engagement, two weeks ago, and he took it in stride. (Tried to place all of the blame for our break up on me and on my fiance, but I stepped around that issue. Still doesn't see his drinking as part of the drama.)
My issue now, is that tomorrow, I promised DD that we would go to the local Renaissance Faire, and she really would like for all three of us to go together. I guess, because it is only happening for a limited time, and all three of us enjoy these events. Anyway, I agreed and told XAH that I would pick him up tomorrow morning. Now, I am not feeling great about spending the better part of the day with him, but I guess I need to "Suck it up; buttercup". It is just going to take a great deal of the enjoyment out of it for me. I am not asking for anything; just hope to get through it without too much drama. I told him that I would pick him up and do the driving for my own well being. I guess I will feel like I have some control over the situation (indicate when we need to leave) and I won't have to worry if he chooses to drink.
I will be glad when it is over, which is not what I wanted to be feeling. Oh well...Next time I will remember the power of saying "No."

FeelingGreat

Yurt, even though our kids' happiness is important for us, it wouldn't have been a disaster for you to say no to DD's request. It would have been entirely appropriate because you're not a family unit any more, and both of you seem to have moved on. Maybe she could have chosen to go to the fair with her father while you go with your fiancee (or any other alternative plan). It's not likely to be as cosy as she anticipates either.
It's as simple as saying 'I don't feel comfortable with that idea'. Still, it's a learning experience.

lizatola

Yurt, congratulations on your engagement! I missed that somewhere along the past few months, lol.

As for your XAH and your daughter, yes there is power in saying no. She is in college and not 10 years old anymore. I probably would have told her that I was uncomfortable with this scenario and ask her to come up with a plan B. I can't imagine that being with the two of you and knowing the discomfort you are feeling and possibly your XAH is feeling can be positive for her?

I do hope it goes well today! Enjoy it as best as you can, for your daughter and for you, too.

LexieCat

Yeah, I agree, no need for both of you to go with daughter. One of you can go one year, the other can go another time.

Hope today works out OK for everyone.

AnvilheadII

yeah..........NO. as Liz said, she's in COLLEGE not 6. time has passed for walking along between mommy and daddy as they swing her back and forth. it's ok to say NO, yurt.

Yurt

I appreciate the affirmations; I should have just said "no."
However, since I didn't...I am going to do my best to have a good time. Going to check out the dresses that are for sale (Something a little boho would make a fantastic wedding dress). And definitely wear my engagement ring.
DD is wearing the costume I made last year, so I'm sure she will have fun.
Maybe I will post a picture or two.

Mango blast

Hi Yurt! Update?

I hope all is well in this beginning of the New Year! Congratulations on the engagement. No need to "should" on yourself. Life is what it is, and today - each day! - you are enough.