now i see him for the HFA now i am done :0)
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 14
now i see him for the HFA now i am done :0)
so upto 6 weeks ago i WAS dating what i now realise was a HFA and this site has made me realise that i wasnt nagging or being controlling i was infact right in what i thought, he had a drink problem.
what i still cannot get my head round is why do i feel bad, call it guilt i am not sure, but why am i looking up on sites about his drinking. when i already knew !
he drinks stella 3 maybe 4 times in the week and on a saturday only in the evenings though as he works.
Everything we did was around alcohol even going to the cinema he found out you can now have a bottle of beer while watching a film ! he only..
he takes his son not mine every other weekend on a Saturday to a play center thats in a pub or stay at home while he plays out and he will drink .. other times he will meet his mates in there local pub he would get drunk and get a cab home with him.
the rows we have had weve split up before over his drinking.
but why do they make us feel like its our fault that its us and not them ????
why in the end when we got back together did i say nothing about the drinking and let him carry on ???
why was i making myself unhappy but making sure he was happy ???
i felt so alone so unloved in our 2nd year together and i knew that was because he made me feel so guilty about going on about his drinking, and that it was me who had the problem with him having a drink that i promised that when we got back together i wouldn't say anything !!!
his drinking got worse and i blame myself for that now.
his year his mates and drink came first
he use to get so down the days he didn't drink or the day after he had drunk himself so stupidly he would pass out on the bed in his clothes that i would always try and pick him up and try and make him happy everything now always seemed about him.
and i wasnt happy !!!
In he 2nd year of our relationship i didnt feel respected by him he'd changed into some obnoxious person not the person i fell in love with !!
how does that happen.
i am angry at him for making me feel like this even though we have split up and myself !!
even though i have split up with him he still had the nerve to text me drunk on a Tuesday night acting like he had finished with me and he needed space on his own !!!
i feel so angry his made me feel like this and i know his out drinking and having the time of his life
why do i feel like this i will never have him back ever ! i am done i didnt realise how much i had forfeited my happiness for his selfish addiction.
and still now even though he has memory blackouts and his passed out in car parks after being out with his friends...
his drunk drove and his dragging his 8 year old child around pubs with him who he says he loves and is he world.
why hasnt he hit rock bottom and will he ????? what does it take .
do they ever realise and how they make people feel ???
2016 is going to be about me not him not his happiness i am now going to be selfish and i am going to put me first
what i still cannot get my head round is why do i feel bad, call it guilt i am not sure, but why am i looking up on sites about his drinking. when i already knew !
he drinks stella 3 maybe 4 times in the week and on a saturday only in the evenings though as he works.
Everything we did was around alcohol even going to the cinema he found out you can now have a bottle of beer while watching a film ! he only..
he takes his son not mine every other weekend on a Saturday to a play center thats in a pub or stay at home while he plays out and he will drink .. other times he will meet his mates in there local pub he would get drunk and get a cab home with him.
the rows we have had weve split up before over his drinking.
but why do they make us feel like its our fault that its us and not them ????
why in the end when we got back together did i say nothing about the drinking and let him carry on ???
why was i making myself unhappy but making sure he was happy ???
i felt so alone so unloved in our 2nd year together and i knew that was because he made me feel so guilty about going on about his drinking, and that it was me who had the problem with him having a drink that i promised that when we got back together i wouldn't say anything !!!
his drinking got worse and i blame myself for that now.
his year his mates and drink came first
he use to get so down the days he didn't drink or the day after he had drunk himself so stupidly he would pass out on the bed in his clothes that i would always try and pick him up and try and make him happy everything now always seemed about him.
and i wasnt happy !!!
In he 2nd year of our relationship i didnt feel respected by him he'd changed into some obnoxious person not the person i fell in love with !!
how does that happen.
i am angry at him for making me feel like this even though we have split up and myself !!
even though i have split up with him he still had the nerve to text me drunk on a Tuesday night acting like he had finished with me and he needed space on his own !!!
i feel so angry his made me feel like this and i know his out drinking and having the time of his life
why do i feel like this i will never have him back ever ! i am done i didnt realise how much i had forfeited my happiness for his selfish addiction.
and still now even though he has memory blackouts and his passed out in car parks after being out with his friends...
his drunk drove and his dragging his 8 year old child around pubs with him who he says he loves and is he world.
why hasnt he hit rock bottom and will he ????? what does it take .
do they ever realise and how they make people feel ???
2016 is going to be about me not him not his happiness i am now going to be selfish and i am going to put me first
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by xxTinksxx 
2016 is going to be about me not him not his happiness i am now going to be selfish and i am going to put me first
The rest of what you wrote is really irrelevant to you at this moment.
He is what he is, he's not your problem anymore, so work on building a happy life for yourself.
Step one: Stop ALL contact with him. You've broken up. It doesn't matter who gets the last word in. He isn't interested in changing, and trying to figure out the whys of what he did is a big waste of time. The short answer is that alcoholism is a terribly selfish disease. You can't expect anything more from him as long as he's drinking.
So block his number from your phone, block his texts, block his FB, and do NOT call, text, or otherwise contact him, yourself. Make it your first New Year's resolution. Make the rest of them all about your fabulous new life without a drunk to babysit.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I think we second guess ourselves when we know we're going to hurt someone's feelings. He doesn't see himself as having a problem, so it must be you who's too sensitive, stuck up, you name it....
As a sober A I understand the need for him to protect his addiction, but I also know that breaking up with him will be the best thing you can do for yourself. He has his beliefs but you stick to yours, and be very firm about your reasons for doing so, because you're right.
As a sober A I understand the need for him to protect his addiction, but I also know that breaking up with him will be the best thing you can do for yourself. He has his beliefs but you stick to yours, and be very firm about your reasons for doing so, because you're right.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 14
thanks guys i have blocked him on all the above not that he will contact me anyway remember his not got a problem everyone else has so not in a million years will he admit that today tomorrow or in months to come so yes i am concentrating on me now and my happiness he can be someone elses problem now
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