Sober driving
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Join Date: May 2013
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Sober driving
AH was probably at a .08 BA all the time when he was drinking. He was an extremely cautious driver...obeyed the speed limit, used his blinker, left plenty of room between cars etc. He knew that he would be arrested if any little thing happened.
Now he is sober and now drives like an absolute maniac. He has a couple of tickets already -- and laughs because they can't get a DUI on him. Our insurance has already gone up because of this and he just laughs.
DD doesn't want to be in the car with him and told him that. He got angry with her and told her that she could not tell him what to do.
He is just being an idiot jerk isn't he? This isn't just some sober celebration is it?
blue
Now he is sober and now drives like an absolute maniac. He has a couple of tickets already -- and laughs because they can't get a DUI on him. Our insurance has already gone up because of this and he just laughs.
DD doesn't want to be in the car with him and told him that. He got angry with her and told her that she could not tell him what to do.
He is just being an idiot jerk isn't he? This isn't just some sober celebration is it?
blue
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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He's celebrating by endangering your daughter's life...
...please consider doing something about this before she dies or is seriously injured because he's choosing to drive like a ******* *******.
The children are always the victims...
Cyranoak
The children are always the victims...
Cyranoak
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I have been driving DD until we can get this resolved.
One of the things he said when he got sober was how much he regretted putting her in danger when he was driving drunk. I think he is more dangerous now....
One of the things he said when he got sober was how much he regretted putting her in danger when he was driving drunk. I think he is more dangerous now....
Yeah, just because they're sober doesn't mean they aren't stupid and doesn't make someone a good driver. My XAH was a very aggressive driver and scared the crap out of me while driving aggressively on the freeway. I remember crying once and begging him to slow down; our son was in the back seat, as well.
He someone only has a few speeding tickets but he also has a DUI.
Does your guy know that he can get his license suspended after so many reckless driving tickets or speeding tickets? Every state is different but he can still have the same consequences as a DUI. I know people who have done jail time for reckless driving. Just because they aren't drunk doesn't mean they aren't a danger to others.
He someone only has a few speeding tickets but he also has a DUI.
Does your guy know that he can get his license suspended after so many reckless driving tickets or speeding tickets? Every state is different but he can still have the same consequences as a DUI. I know people who have done jail time for reckless driving. Just because they aren't drunk doesn't mean they aren't a danger to others.
bluetomato....how long has he been sober?
It actually takes time.....diligently working the steps, etc.---to change the alcoholic thinking and attitudes--and then, behaviors. Just putting down the bottle doesn't equal recovery. Just sitting in an AA meeting doesn't "magically" do it either....one has to do the work....and time.....
dandylion
It actually takes time.....diligently working the steps, etc.---to change the alcoholic thinking and attitudes--and then, behaviors. Just putting down the bottle doesn't equal recovery. Just sitting in an AA meeting doesn't "magically" do it either....one has to do the work....and time.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Ireland
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There is a little piece somewhere I read about the drunk horse thief, he sobers up and becomes an even better horse thief.
I think it's a bit like this, he needs to get on the steps or he'll go crazy....
I think it's a bit like this, he needs to get on the steps or he'll go crazy....
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Join Date: May 2010
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One thing to keep in mind with many an alcoholic & addicts is that many go out of their way to put on an act. They put on a show to show they are in control, nothing is wrong, they are on top of things etc. Some to the point of being condescending. Alkies/addicts frequently try to hide their habits or true effects of substances on them. I see it here regularly.
So if someone is driving with them they will probably see a show at least for a lower level alkie. By themselves is another story. Also if driving locally most drive out of habit good or bad because they feel comfortable in that area.
The alkie/addict here got caught swerving on a drive he made regularly without incident(that we know of). Screw up just one time is a dui or even worse; a catastrophic accident.
So if someone is driving with them they will probably see a show at least for a lower level alkie. By themselves is another story. Also if driving locally most drive out of habit good or bad because they feel comfortable in that area.
The alkie/addict here got caught swerving on a drive he made regularly without incident(that we know of). Screw up just one time is a dui or even worse; a catastrophic accident.
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RAH has been sober for over a year, but the bad driving has really only just started. It is like he has some new found freedom knowing he now can't get a DUI after spending 2 decades worried about it.
He is just such a jerk when anyone says anything to him about it. And it is almost like he does the opposite when you say something to him. Kinda like a toddler.
He is working the program, but he has a lot of baggage and that is going to take years to get through. I will most likely not be around for that, as I seem to be a huge trigger for him.
He is just such a jerk when anyone says anything to him about it. And it is almost like he does the opposite when you say something to him. Kinda like a toddler.
He is working the program, but he has a lot of baggage and that is going to take years to get through. I will most likely not be around for that, as I seem to be a huge trigger for him.
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My ex was a rageful angry driver at times-and so impatient he wouldn't wait on anyone. He scared my oldest many times and when she told him she was scared he made fun of her to her face-which caused her to cry and put momma bear on stage. He was and is a bully, regardless of whether he was drinking or not. Sounds like yours is just a jerk, drunk or not. Whatever the reasons or cause, who cares-just back your daughter 100% and keep her safe.
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It seems to be boiling down to him more 'not wanting to be told what to do' than him wanting to be a risky driver. He went to a meeting and seems to be a bit more reasonable upon his return. Not sure if he mentioned this or if he just had time to process it.
I am not sure if I want to tell him this or not, but DD told me that it makes here think that he is drinking again.
He doesn't seem to get that there will be some residual fear of that possibility for a long time to come. One year is not a lot of time in the greater scheme of things, although I know it is a long time for him.
If he wasn't such an arrogant jerk and would listen to people he might be able to have a real relationship in his lifetime.
I am not sure if I want to tell him this or not, but DD told me that it makes here think that he is drinking again.
He doesn't seem to get that there will be some residual fear of that possibility for a long time to come. One year is not a lot of time in the greater scheme of things, although I know it is a long time for him.
If he wasn't such an arrogant jerk and would listen to people he might be able to have a real relationship in his lifetime.
i think i would keep what your DD shared with YOU about her feelings between you, and not use like a weapon towards AH. she needs to know she has a SAFE place to share her worries and fears without that blowing up in her face.
Not to nitpick, but he is not being told what to do, he is being told how his actions and choices makes his daughter feel.
That his response to this is closer to that of a rebellious teenager than a responsible parent should tell you a lot about where he is at emotionally.
That his response to this is closer to that of a rebellious teenager than a responsible parent should tell you a lot about where he is at emotionally.
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Acting like a teenager -- I completely agree. He thinks that he is growing emotionally, but I really don't see it.
He is very involved with AA. He is working the steps but I think he barely scratches the surface of the issues he has. He lied for 25+ years. He has a very long road in front of him and I am not sure he really knows that yet.
Thankfully DD isn't afraid to speak her mind with him, so it helps when he hears it from her.
He is very involved with AA. He is working the steps but I think he barely scratches the surface of the issues he has. He lied for 25+ years. He has a very long road in front of him and I am not sure he really knows that yet.
Thankfully DD isn't afraid to speak her mind with him, so it helps when he hears it from her.
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