Zeppelin92

Its been a rough few weeks with my Alcoholic/ heroin addicted boyfriend of two years. He has a job where hes gone most of the time, and home for about 6 days a month. He was on vacation for 2 weeks, and it started great-two days in, he got his second DWI (promised he was going to do anything to get better, and keep me) then ended up me coming home to him hammered and passed out with the house trashed. I quite drinking while he was home to support, but I guess it didn't help. The last few days of his vacation, he went off with his old "friends" who uses him for drug money....I went the next day to his dads house (Where for some reason his dad wants him to move back in with him, even though we have been living together for 2 years....His dad always wants him back with him? The second we get into a fight, or I find out he has been hiding alcohol- he calls his dad and his dad come picks him up, brings him to his house- and he just gets drunk and high for while) where he ended, up to get him to come home before Christmas.
He left, and is out working now. His dad called me today and asked about doing a intervention- sending him to rehab or something.. I think its a great idea, I am so in love with this man when he is sober and clean, but I dont think my bf will follow, or want to for "saying he will lose his job, and he has no health insurance, and were broke". I just need advice guys, my family is sick of hearing me cry, and explain these situations that I know are in my hands-and my choice...Im just scared, and angry, and dont know what to do.
Thank you for reading
rant rant rant rant-end.

LexieCat

Interventions should be conducted only with the help of a professional, because if they are done incorrectly they can do more harm than good. Sometimes they are effective, but no guarantees.

I'd find out what his dad has in mind. No matter how it's presented, the alcoholic/addict always has the right to say no.

honeypig

Zeppelin, I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I see you first came here in July and since then have only posted a few times. What else are you doing for YOU--are you going to Alanon? Are you spending time reading, both the current threads and the stickies, here at SR? You do make mention in this thread of "knowing you have choices", but it does sound like you're kind of hoping that the whole thing will be solved for you...

Again, please don't take offense--I understand where you are. In the beginning, I honestly believed that if XAH would just stop drinking, everything would be fine. It took time and a lot of hard knocks, coupled with the helping hands of Alanon and SR, for me to see just how misguided this was.

Your BF does not seem to have any real interest in recovery. He has a thoroughly enabling father whom he runs to whenever things don't go his way. This is not a recipe for success.

You'd probably get a lot farther putting that energy into your OWN life.

ladyscribbler

My ex had a very similar family dynamic with his mom. She was constantly cleaning up his messes. It was frustrating, because the few times I tried to enforce any type of boundary (like not picking him up from jail or the hospital) she swooped right in to save him.
She didn't have Alanon or any type of program, so she was doing the best she could (like we all were) without any real knowledge about how the disease of alcoholism actually operates and the dynamics that come into play.
Advice- Since you asked, move on from this relationship and build your own life free from the disease of alcoholism. This merry go round can spin forever with your bf, you and his dad keeping up the momentum. Why not hop off and save yourself the heartache?

NedStark

In my experience with my sister who is an alcoholic... Interventions don't work without a professional. We have done them twice, and both times received a negative reaction. We didn't approach things right and it backlashed. Unfortunately, if everyone goes at a person with a problem, they tend to feel ganged up on rather than supported. It's best if you talk one on one with them, it's less pressurising for the person and they will not feel cornered.

Seek help for yourself. It's not easy to continue living a life without the support you need. If things don't change, do what you need to do for yourself. Otherwise you will wake up in 10 years time and regret everything, and that till hurt more.

I hope you can get through to him somehow. Good luck!