walkinganewpath

I guess that makes him an RAH....

Before I post I wanted to let you know that recently I've been posting as slowclimb. My laptop died last week and when I tried to reset my password the email I used was linked to my old user name. Sorry for the confusion.

RAH has been home a little over a week from 5 weeks in rehab. Things have been going pretty well. He had the week off work, went to a 7am meeting every day, did some hanging out and work on giving his music room a facelift (remove the dark drinking cave aura it had).

I didn't manage a meeting since the day he got home until yesterday. Good timing as I was starting to fall apart. He was a little grouchy and I did the whole codie it's my fault bs. The meeting helped me straighten that out a bit. Plus the holidays were a bit weird, sad, but good too. We are a bit isolated - have been for a while as the last 6 months had heavy drinking, an attempt at detox and then his being away. Neither of us are managing well with non program people right now. Their lack of knowledge makes everything harder to relate to/with.

Any advice on managing myself, staying on my side of the street and keeping my expectations reasonable would be helpful. I know that not drinking is not the same as sobriety/recovery. I also know that I'm still as sick as he is and that there is a long way to go for us both to get healthy.

Thanks....

dandylion

walkinganewpath.....how about starting a new hobby/activity that you would never have thought of doing in the past (a new path). Something that is wakes up a new part of your mind......
This would keep you otherwise occupied and allow you to give him a wide berth....

dandylion

LexieCat

I think it's great that your husband gave his music room a new facelift so he can enjoy music in a sober atmosphere. I did something like that--I used to sit and drink in my office with the computer. I bought a laptop and avoided the office for a while, just to switch up my environment.

So dandy's suggestion is right in line with that, for you. Do some things you weren't doing because you were babysitting a drunk. He'll be preoccupied with his recovery for a while, so this is a perfect opportunity to do that.

Hope things go well for both of you--sounds like they are right on schedule so far. Grumpiness and distractedness are both pretty normal in early recovery. We don't get better overnight. I know he's been at rehab for five weeks, but dealing with real-world stuff after the protected/managed environment of rehab is still a shock to the system.

walkinganewpath

This was his third trip to rehab. It's funny how we hope for them to stop drinking and then when they do all the rules change. I had just figured out how to manage life with a drunk and now I'm clueless again. Granted I'd rather deal with learning how to manage our lives sober - it is already much better.

Yes I know that dealing with 'real life' is challenging for him. Especially being thrown back into a household with two young kids the week of Christmas. He's honestly done spectacular considering. Actually I think I have too...
We had a car breakdown on Monday and he handled it with the exception of needing me to pick him up. He was a little testy but kept it together and even mentioned it. I told him that he did a great job and that actually it took me a few minutes to adjust my own attitude (I had to miss a meeting to rescue him) but that I did a good job too. We've been giving each other space but also communicating a little more about recovery, etc. It's nice to be able to speak some of the same language and know the other person knows what you're saying (AA/Alanon)

I do totally need to find something to do. I realized that when he was gone as I'm finding myself bored with no idea what to do with my time. A's do require a lot of babysitting and attention - not to mention damage control and after the chaos cleanup.

Thank you both for your input. I found a couple 'double winners' in my Friday meeting and chatting with them was very helpful as well