Wisconsin

STBXAH called me around 3:00, and asked if I would meet him somewhere to talk. I agreed. I wasn't hungry, but he insisted he wanted to eat something, so we tried five different places before we found a restaurant that was open. I ordered a soda, and he ordered a beer (shocker) and some chips and salsa.

He started with his usual recitation about how I "never listened to him" and "didn't respect him." And the usual question about why, and I pointed to the glass of beer sitting in front of him. Things were on the verge of getting ugly, and then he chilled out, and the rest of the conversation was about moving forward for our son's sake, and he was trying to be all jokey with me and stuff. When we left, he hugged me really hard, for a really long time, and I started to cry. All I wanted from that man for YEARS was a little affection, which he deliberately withheld to "punish" me.

Then when I took our son to his house a couple of hours later, he did it again...hugged me really hard for a really long time. I was afraid that he wanted to talk today because he was going to ask me to come back, but he didn't, thank goodness. He appears to have accepted that I have filed for divorce, and that I am not coming back. I did NOT want to have to have that conversation with him on Christmas Eve. His ego is too big for that anyway...he would have to admit his wrongs. It was still hard, though. One of those moments where you catch a glimpse of the person he used to be, but you know that underneath it all he is still as sick and messed up as ever. It was much more emotional and difficult for me than I expected.

Anyway, the kids and I opened our gifts before I took DS over to STBXAH's house. My girls gave me a cookbook I've been wanting. After I came home, I cooked stir fry for my girls and me, and now we're just relaxing. I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed by all of it. A part of me will always love this man. He has been the greatest love of my life thus far. I don't really sit around worrying or wondering if I will ever love anyone again. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I am happy with ME, and with my children. But dang...kind of a sucker punch of memories on Christmas Eve. Time to shake it off.

ladyscribbler

LexieCat

Yeah, hugs from me, too.

You know, I can still get a little misty about my second husband. He was a decent guy, but a very SICK guy. But I can smile when I think about some of the fun things we did. My kids (who were still in grade school when I was with him--they didn't live with me, though) still think of him fondly. He could be like a big kid, and he was fun for them to be around.

And that's OK. I'm sorry he's never gotten well. I may never see him again. But he was a nice part of my life in a lot of ways, for a while.

honeypig

Oh, Wisconsin, I'm sorry you got blindsided like that. It's tough, and tougher b/c it's Christmas Eve.

That's the hard part for me too, when I see/remember the good things.

Well, I guess it's going to take time, and to quote that wise person on SR, "time takes time."

Hugs to you, my friend.

dandylion

Wisconsin......the holidays can do this for even the "toughest" of us.
The nostalgia just seems to work it's way in.....

We make emotional connections with the people who have been in our lives....
Even the ones that we can't stand to live with.......

I think you navigated it very well......

dandylion

Bekindalways

Christmas always seems to be about darkness and light, life and death. There is beauty in the sadness and death, as well as the joy and light. Peace to you Wisconsin.

Wisconsin

Thanks for the cyber love, everyone. I am deeply grateful for your support, and also deeply grateful that not once, not even for one minute, have I felt compelled to return to STBXAH since I moved out. As hard as some of the memories are, I am have been steadfast in my knowledge that this is the right thing for all of us.

Plus, my daughters still hate his guts. That alone would be enough for me to refuse to go back.

amy55

Merry Christmas to you and your children. I think you are terrific.

(((((hugs)))))
amy

Liveitwell

W-hugs from me. Sorry-but know you are making the right, albeit hard, decision. Peace to you always, my friend.

lizatola

Funny, but I was at new bf's house earlier and we both got nostalgic about how we share the birth of our children with our exes and some wonderful memories, but somehow it still fell apart even after the good memories. We were discussing how we can look back with joy and remember those good times. My bf said, "But, now it's time to make new memories....." And, that's what moving forward is all about.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings for our exes. You are allowed to feel what needs to be felt. Super big hugs to you!!!! Just feel what you need to feel and be kind to yourself this holiday season. HUGS

redatlanta

The Holidays bring out the unexpected. I love the holiday season, but by Christmas I am ready to see it gone. People act really wonky and it seems the older I get the more I see folks depressed around the holidays and struggling to get through it. Sounds like your Ex got nostalgic and sad about his current situation.

My sister has informed me my Dad has said he needs to have a 'non spouse" meeting with the kids TODAY to discuss an estate issue. Weird, and I also have no desire to have a business conversation on Christmas. I will see if I can nip it in the bud and suggest sending an email.

LexieCat

My guess is that he figures everyone is available on a holiday. Maybe suggest the "meeting" be scheduled for a weekend in the near future.

TacoTruckHeaven

Thanks for this. It's so hard. My AH and I just went our separate ways and I'm home at my parents' for the holidays for the first time without him and all I can think about are the good parts. For one thing, he was my protector in this dysfunctional household. The holidays can really mess with your perspective.

redatlanta

Eh I am sure its because getting all 4 kids together doesn't happen often, but I am out of breath on Estate issues and currently don't care today or in the near future. I'll leave it to my brothers to handle I'm health surrogate not tax and estate planning.

Merry Christmas Lexie and everyone! Getting ready to wake AH, open some gifts, and get on the road.

Ap052183

I've been having a similar experience. ..my Foo is chaotic...my ex "saved me," except he did the same thing in a different way. It sucks.

coolidge

It started out nice. Son and pseudo family came over for lasagna my hubs and I worked hard on all day. Son arrived buzzed and proceeded to drink. They went home. An hour later son stops by with his buddy. More beer but left for home after an hour. Phone blows up and he and g/f are in massive blowout. She has him removed by police, he is taken to his buddies house after I tell police I don't want him to be brought back here. Son gets buddy to drop him off here.

Great. I was hoping for quiet to enjoy lights and relax, I was tired.

I barely slept, while son passed out peacefully.

Today I am divorcing myself from the situation. I have to, just for today.

Feeling lonely is what brought me here last night. Hope you shake it off for today, Wisconsin. Thankful for your post.