Feeling Very Lonely
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Feeling Very Lonely
Hi, just me again
I'm feeling very alone. Why do I have to pay for doing what was right!
I'm questioning, if I should have called the police on my ah. Not sure where he is. Probably with his sister, visiting his mom and enjoying his Christmas with his family.
My ah is probably feeling no remorse or guilt for what he did to me, that lead to me calling the police. He is in the company of his family, who supports him, and thinks this is my fault.
I am his family, a woman he used to cherish, now I'm the witch, not sure how it all happened.
I don't like the person I have become. I'm sad and angry most of the time. Maybe he's right, I'm a horrible person, and everyone hates me and thinks I'm crazy.
My daughter and grandson just left. They are going to my ex's house for the rest of Christmas Eve, and the day.
We had a very nice day!
I feel like, I really don't know much about anything anymore but pain and hurt. How can a person be so cruel, and being enjoying his Christmas?
I'm feeling very alone. Why do I have to pay for doing what was right!
I'm questioning, if I should have called the police on my ah. Not sure where he is. Probably with his sister, visiting his mom and enjoying his Christmas with his family.
My ah is probably feeling no remorse or guilt for what he did to me, that lead to me calling the police. He is in the company of his family, who supports him, and thinks this is my fault.
I am his family, a woman he used to cherish, now I'm the witch, not sure how it all happened.
I don't like the person I have become. I'm sad and angry most of the time. Maybe he's right, I'm a horrible person, and everyone hates me and thinks I'm crazy.
My daughter and grandson just left. They are going to my ex's house for the rest of Christmas Eve, and the day.
We had a very nice day!
I feel like, I really don't know much about anything anymore but pain and hurt. How can a person be so cruel, and being enjoying his Christmas?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 122
I know i know! It's not fair and I have vindictive thoughts about my stbxah, but there are lots of us out there and I think, after reading several threads, that you will be much happier in the long run. That probably doesn't alleviate your feeligs much today, but maybe it'll help a bit.
Last edited by rae145; 12-24-2015 at 04:33 PM. Reason: Commas
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I wondered about all of that many times. There were many times that he would start a fight with me before a holiday, it was usually New Years Eve, not Christmas, he liked to go to my family's house for xmas.
I'm also feeling lonely tonight. My family did xmas on xmas eve. I'm not there. He is. It feels like he took my xmas away from me) I now celebrate xmas with my family the weekend after xmas.
I do know that I don't have to appear happy that he went shopping in the large mens shop for me to buy me a xmas gift, because it was something he wanted. I am 5'2" and weigh 130. I also don't have to listen to him telling me that he hates the things that I got for him.
This is when I think of the fantasy of what I wanted my life to be. It wasn't that. I had to look at the reality. Boy, did that suck lemon.
Then I would think about how lonely I would feel. I did have a pretty big house. He had the living room, I had the den, and the garage, and at times my new bedroom, the car. I realized I felt most alone when he was home. I got the silent treatment a lot combined with his rage. When he was home even though he was in another room, he would listen to everything that I did. He had the TV on, but no sound. He was waiting to "pounce" on me.
You aren't alone. You have us, and we care about you a lot. You are part of our family. You'll never be alone again.
(((((((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))))))))
amy
I'm also feeling lonely tonight. My family did xmas on xmas eve. I'm not there. He is. It feels like he took my xmas away from me) I now celebrate xmas with my family the weekend after xmas.
I do know that I don't have to appear happy that he went shopping in the large mens shop for me to buy me a xmas gift, because it was something he wanted. I am 5'2" and weigh 130. I also don't have to listen to him telling me that he hates the things that I got for him.
This is when I think of the fantasy of what I wanted my life to be. It wasn't that. I had to look at the reality. Boy, did that suck lemon.
Then I would think about how lonely I would feel. I did have a pretty big house. He had the living room, I had the den, and the garage, and at times my new bedroom, the car. I realized I felt most alone when he was home. I got the silent treatment a lot combined with his rage. When he was home even though he was in another room, he would listen to everything that I did. He had the TV on, but no sound. He was waiting to "pounce" on me.
You aren't alone. You have us, and we care about you a lot. You are part of our family. You'll never be alone again.
(((((((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))))))))
amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Zircon.....I am sorry that you are feeling so down, right now.
You are grieving.....which is natural.....and trying to process all that has happened.
Remember that you didn't just decide to call the police, all of a sudden....out of the blue.......There was a very compelling reason.....and this was just the culmination of years of bad stuff......
Don't let "selective recall" trip you up.......
You are going through the short-term pain for the long term gain. Change is hard for all us humans.....
You are not being "punished" for doing the "right thing". This is life on life's terms. If nothing happens....then everything stays the same......
It is just that one becomes comfortable with the known....even the known misery.....
You are looking at his outsides from your insides...(a mistake)...
He has a disease that will take everything from him.....his family...his health....his material posessions and his spirit.....
Would you really rather be him......?
Please, please, try your best to find something to be thankful for and to find a little spark of peace in the next few days.....
It won't always feel like this.....
dandylion
You are grieving.....which is natural.....and trying to process all that has happened.
Remember that you didn't just decide to call the police, all of a sudden....out of the blue.......There was a very compelling reason.....and this was just the culmination of years of bad stuff......
Don't let "selective recall" trip you up.......
You are going through the short-term pain for the long term gain. Change is hard for all us humans.....
You are not being "punished" for doing the "right thing". This is life on life's terms. If nothing happens....then everything stays the same......
It is just that one becomes comfortable with the known....even the known misery.....
You are looking at his outsides from your insides...(a mistake)...
He has a disease that will take everything from him.....his family...his health....his material posessions and his spirit.....
Would you really rather be him......?
Please, please, try your best to find something to be thankful for and to find a little spark of peace in the next few days.....
It won't always feel like this.....
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I want you to remember, that as lonely as you feel right now, this is NOT how you're going to feel for the rest of your life.
I'm a little lonely too (I RARELY feel lonely) because I usually spend Christmas with my kids (and, believe it or not, my ex and his wife--I happen to have the world's friendliest divorce from someone who's been sober almost 36 years). I'm not there this year because I chose to use my vacation time for, well, a vacation.
Your daughter and grandson were there--lots of people don't get that. Though I'm not minimizing your emotions--after all, this is all very fresh right now--you still have things to be grateful for. Your daughter and grandson. The people willing to help you.
And really, considering how the past few months, at least, have gone, how likely is it that you would have a nice Christmas if he WERE there?
I, and quite a few other folks, will be around the forum this holiday. So we're here to talk to anytime.
Hugs,
I'm a little lonely too (I RARELY feel lonely) because I usually spend Christmas with my kids (and, believe it or not, my ex and his wife--I happen to have the world's friendliest divorce from someone who's been sober almost 36 years). I'm not there this year because I chose to use my vacation time for, well, a vacation.
Your daughter and grandson were there--lots of people don't get that. Though I'm not minimizing your emotions--after all, this is all very fresh right now--you still have things to be grateful for. Your daughter and grandson. The people willing to help you.
And really, considering how the past few months, at least, have gone, how likely is it that you would have a nice Christmas if he WERE there?
I, and quite a few other folks, will be around the forum this holiday. So we're here to talk to anytime.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I want to tell you a story. It really has nothing to do with anything.
I was trying to wash my kitchen floor one day. I had one of those machines that washes, then sucks up the water. Thing wasn't working. I was just so aggravated, I needed to talk to someone and I went on my forum.
We had a blast that day, about how to get the "hoover" (that was the brand I was using) to suck up again!!!!!! I was given all of these suggestions on how to get that "hoover" to start working again. Mostly I was told to take it outside, and to tell it that it's not coming back in till it is sucking up again. (lol)
Funniest thing out of this was for his "hoover" attempt, he bought me a new "hoover". (lol)
Hey, just remember forums aren't just for problems, sometimes it's just to talk about anything. To me, everything about you is important.
Know I care,
amy
I was trying to wash my kitchen floor one day. I had one of those machines that washes, then sucks up the water. Thing wasn't working. I was just so aggravated, I needed to talk to someone and I went on my forum.
We had a blast that day, about how to get the "hoover" (that was the brand I was using) to suck up again!!!!!! I was given all of these suggestions on how to get that "hoover" to start working again. Mostly I was told to take it outside, and to tell it that it's not coming back in till it is sucking up again. (lol)
Funniest thing out of this was for his "hoover" attempt, he bought me a new "hoover". (lol)
Hey, just remember forums aren't just for problems, sometimes it's just to talk about anything. To me, everything about you is important.
Know I care,
amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Thank You
Hi,
Thank you all for your support.
I think I'm feeling sorry for myself, need to snap out of it. Life just doesn't seem fair!!!
I felt very blessed to be me, but not so sure now.
Life had thrown me some curve balls lately. I lost my mom, almost a year ago. I took care of my mother- in-law for almost 2 1/2 years, it was a hard job, working as a nurse, and coming home to be a nurse. I wouldn't trade those years for a second though, I gave her a wonder life, that now she still remembers. During all this, I had a brain hemorrhage, no one knows why, doctors have no explanation because I was very healthy. Not only did I survive, but only am left with minimal damage. I feel very blessed to still be able to help others. During these busy last few years, my ah disease must have been progressing.
My ah has had such a estranged relationship with his sister for many years. I encouraged him to be kinder, but he insisted she couldn't be trusted and was a very selfish, greedy woman. Now, I am that person.
I had spend the last 3 Christmas's, with my mother-in-law here at our home. Great memories. My ah told me I'll never speak with her again.
I have some many things in my life to be grateful for. I just need to stay focused on them.
I have wonderful kids, grandkids and family. I was baking silly today!!!! Send cookies and coffee cakes with my daughter. I finished my nieces wedding quilt. It came out really nice. I'm getting much better.
I need to learn to let things go, and laugh and enjoy life. That is the person I used to be, and I want her back. I will fight for her!
I think that is what bothers me the most about calling the police. I should never have been put in the position, that I felt that scared, angry, and frustrated.
I so appreciate everyone's help. I don't feel alone, and I'm getting better about sharing.
Thank you.
Thank you all for your support.
I think I'm feeling sorry for myself, need to snap out of it. Life just doesn't seem fair!!!
I felt very blessed to be me, but not so sure now.
Life had thrown me some curve balls lately. I lost my mom, almost a year ago. I took care of my mother- in-law for almost 2 1/2 years, it was a hard job, working as a nurse, and coming home to be a nurse. I wouldn't trade those years for a second though, I gave her a wonder life, that now she still remembers. During all this, I had a brain hemorrhage, no one knows why, doctors have no explanation because I was very healthy. Not only did I survive, but only am left with minimal damage. I feel very blessed to still be able to help others. During these busy last few years, my ah disease must have been progressing.
My ah has had such a estranged relationship with his sister for many years. I encouraged him to be kinder, but he insisted she couldn't be trusted and was a very selfish, greedy woman. Now, I am that person.
I had spend the last 3 Christmas's, with my mother-in-law here at our home. Great memories. My ah told me I'll never speak with her again.
I have some many things in my life to be grateful for. I just need to stay focused on them.
I have wonderful kids, grandkids and family. I was baking silly today!!!! Send cookies and coffee cakes with my daughter. I finished my nieces wedding quilt. It came out really nice. I'm getting much better.
I need to learn to let things go, and laugh and enjoy life. That is the person I used to be, and I want her back. I will fight for her!
I think that is what bothers me the most about calling the police. I should never have been put in the position, that I felt that scared, angry, and frustrated.
I so appreciate everyone's help. I don't feel alone, and I'm getting better about sharing.
Thank you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your feelings will go up and down like this for a while, just don't take the feelings too seriously. One of the sayings that's helped me a lot is, "Feelings aren't facts." The fact that you feel like you shouldn't have called the police doesn't mean that you shouldn't have. The fact that you feel lonely today doesn't mean you'll stay that way. The fact that you are estranged from your MIL now doesn't mean that that might not change in the future.
Try as much as you can to stay in the here-and-now. Try to limit your thoughts about the future to things you can plan that will make that future a brighter one for you.
Seems to me, just looking at it objectively, like you've got a lot going for you!
Try as much as you can to stay in the here-and-now. Try to limit your thoughts about the future to things you can plan that will make that future a brighter one for you.
Seems to me, just looking at it objectively, like you've got a lot going for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I can see you look at yourself for maybe the first time. I think that is a good thing. You are a wonderful, terrific person. All of us here see that.
No, you didn't deserve that shitsandwich that you were served.
I have no doubt in my mind that your MIL will never forget your kindness.
NO, you shouldn't have been put in the position to have to call 911, you were though, and you did the right thing.
amy
No, you didn't deserve that shitsandwich that you were served.
I have no doubt in my mind that your MIL will never forget your kindness.
NO, you shouldn't have been put in the position to have to call 911, you were though, and you did the right thing.
amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I'm not familiar with your backstory at all, but I just wanted to tell you to look at my posts from one or 2 years ago.
You sound like a beautiful and talented woman. You are not a witch. People change, relationships change, and it doesn't always take addiction or alcoholism to bring that about. I suggest working on acceptance and learning to love yourself. I'm sorry that you are feeling sad and lonely, but it won't always be this way. Hugs to you!! I hope you find some peace and serenity this weekend.
You sound like a beautiful and talented woman. You are not a witch. People change, relationships change, and it doesn't always take addiction or alcoholism to bring that about. I suggest working on acceptance and learning to love yourself. I'm sorry that you are feeling sad and lonely, but it won't always be this way. Hugs to you!! I hope you find some peace and serenity this weekend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Survived Christmas Eve
Merry Christmas to everyone here!!!
I survived the night, and at the moment am not an emotional wreck! I thank all you wonderful people that responded to my posts. It truely was the best Christmas gift I have ever received.
I'm going to embrace the day! Enjoy, and feel blessed for what I have. I am going to try not to look back, but focus on just today.
There are so many things in my life that I can't control. I need to focus on the things I can. I can take control of my behavior and my life.
I can't control my ah drinking or the way he treats me. I can only hope that he finds what he is looking for.
Last night while looking at myself, I realize every bad thing my ah called me, actually reflect who he has become, a nasty, angry man. I think he is projecting all the feelings he has about himself on me, because he can't face who he has become. My ah can't love himself right now, so truely is unavailable to love anyone else.
It doesn't make it hurt any less, actually it kinda increases the pain, to see my ah suffering so much and not being able to fix him( the nurse, wife, and mother in me).
My ah, I'm sure feels he is in a safe place, if he's with his sister. She has accepted his alcoholism, and feels she can fix him. I know that will never happen. My ah will need a place to put his feelings about himself. Both of them are control freaks, so could be a volitile situation for many reasons. Not my problem.
I'm going to try and focus today on the peace in my home, the love I feel for my family, and the caring and support from everyone on this form.
I hope someday I'm able to help another person through this kind of a situation.
Thank you all for my gift. A Christmas, I never will forget!
🎄🎄
I survived the night, and at the moment am not an emotional wreck! I thank all you wonderful people that responded to my posts. It truely was the best Christmas gift I have ever received.
I'm going to embrace the day! Enjoy, and feel blessed for what I have. I am going to try not to look back, but focus on just today.
There are so many things in my life that I can't control. I need to focus on the things I can. I can take control of my behavior and my life.
I can't control my ah drinking or the way he treats me. I can only hope that he finds what he is looking for.
Last night while looking at myself, I realize every bad thing my ah called me, actually reflect who he has become, a nasty, angry man. I think he is projecting all the feelings he has about himself on me, because he can't face who he has become. My ah can't love himself right now, so truely is unavailable to love anyone else.
It doesn't make it hurt any less, actually it kinda increases the pain, to see my ah suffering so much and not being able to fix him( the nurse, wife, and mother in me).
My ah, I'm sure feels he is in a safe place, if he's with his sister. She has accepted his alcoholism, and feels she can fix him. I know that will never happen. My ah will need a place to put his feelings about himself. Both of them are control freaks, so could be a volitile situation for many reasons. Not my problem.
I'm going to try and focus today on the peace in my home, the love I feel for my family, and the caring and support from everyone on this form.
I hope someday I'm able to help another person through this kind of a situation.
Thank you all for my gift. A Christmas, I never will forget!
🎄🎄
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 144
He did what he set out to do, created a drama,got back at you for calling the police, made himself out to be a poor victim and you the witch.
And now he's happily enjoying his Christmas and the best revenge Zircon is living well so enjoy your Christmas.......
And now he's happily enjoying his Christmas and the best revenge Zircon is living well so enjoy your Christmas.......
Originally Posted by Zircon 
Hi, just me again
I'm feeling very alone. Why do I have to pay for doing what was right!
I'm questioning, if I should have called the police on my ah. Not sure where he is. Probably with his sister, visiting his mom and enjoying his Christmas with his family.
My ah is probably feeling no remorse or guilt for what he did to me, that lead to me calling the police. He is in the company of his family, who supports him, and thinks this is my fault.
I am his family, a woman he used to cherish, now I'm the witch, not sure how it all happened.
I don't like the person I have become. I'm sad and angry most of the time. Maybe he's right, I'm a horrible person, and everyone hates me and thinks I'm crazy.
My daughter and grandson just left. They are going to my ex's house for the rest of Christmas Eve, and the day.
We had a very nice day!
I feel like, I really don't know much about anything anymore but pain and hurt. How can a person be so cruel, and being enjoying his Christmas?
I'm feeling very alone. Why do I have to pay for doing what was right!
I'm questioning, if I should have called the police on my ah. Not sure where he is. Probably with his sister, visiting his mom and enjoying his Christmas with his family.
My ah is probably feeling no remorse or guilt for what he did to me, that lead to me calling the police. He is in the company of his family, who supports him, and thinks this is my fault.
I am his family, a woman he used to cherish, now I'm the witch, not sure how it all happened.
I don't like the person I have become. I'm sad and angry most of the time. Maybe he's right, I'm a horrible person, and everyone hates me and thinks I'm crazy.
My daughter and grandson just left. They are going to my ex's house for the rest of Christmas Eve, and the day.
We had a very nice day!
I feel like, I really don't know much about anything anymore but pain and hurt. How can a person be so cruel, and being enjoying his Christmas?
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