Girlfriend of 5 years drinking problem has been getting worse, I don't know how to help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
Ls, everyone is putting out some scary, horrible truths. These truths come from those of us who have lived scenarios similar to yours. These are hard, hard things to hear, even harder to digest and hardest of all to put into practice.
You are in a position to change the situation for the better but it is not her drinking you will change. It is your complicity with the drinking you can change. Do this by not blaming everyone but her for her problems. Figure out what you want in your life and fight for it even if it means leaving this woman. This is not heartless it is truly loving both yourself and your needs, and her and her choice to be an alcoholic. This type of love ain't Hallmark stuff; It is the true, life-changing, life-giving beat the rooster poop out of you transforming love.
My ABF was so beautiful, I almost couldn't breath looking at him. He had scholarships coming out of his ears. Professors at out school said he was the brightest student they had ever had. He came from a super tough home life. We were together 5 years. He got addicted to Meth. I left; he went to jail for 3 years and eventually got sober. Several decades later, he told me I had done the right thing but it was so, so indescribably hard. Your situation is of course different but we can all relate to some of what you are experiencing especially the pain.
Please let us know how it is going. And may you have the happiest Christmas possible under the circumstances.
You are in a position to change the situation for the better but it is not her drinking you will change. It is your complicity with the drinking you can change. Do this by not blaming everyone but her for her problems. Figure out what you want in your life and fight for it even if it means leaving this woman. This is not heartless it is truly loving both yourself and your needs, and her and her choice to be an alcoholic. This type of love ain't Hallmark stuff; It is the true, life-changing, life-giving beat the rooster poop out of you transforming love.
My ABF was so beautiful, I almost couldn't breath looking at him. He had scholarships coming out of his ears. Professors at out school said he was the brightest student they had ever had. He came from a super tough home life. We were together 5 years. He got addicted to Meth. I left; he went to jail for 3 years and eventually got sober. Several decades later, he told me I had done the right thing but it was so, so indescribably hard. Your situation is of course different but we can all relate to some of what you are experiencing especially the pain.
Please let us know how it is going. And may you have the happiest Christmas possible under the circumstances.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Bekind just wrote a very powerful post.
I've been sober for seven years, myself, and have been around AA since 1980, when my first husband got sober. I don't recall anyone in AA ever saying that a spouse or partner was responsible for their getting sober by encouraging them or demanding their sobriety. I have, however, heard many say that they were grateful that their spouse/partner stopped putting up with the BS, because THAT got their attention. Not all of those relationships survived--sometimes it's too late. But it was those accumulation of losses that finally got through to them--not someone holding their hand and making it easy for them.
I've been sober for seven years, myself, and have been around AA since 1980, when my first husband got sober. I don't recall anyone in AA ever saying that a spouse or partner was responsible for their getting sober by encouraging them or demanding their sobriety. I have, however, heard many say that they were grateful that their spouse/partner stopped putting up with the BS, because THAT got their attention. Not all of those relationships survived--sometimes it's too late. But it was those accumulation of losses that finally got through to them--not someone holding their hand and making it easy for them.
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