He got home from rehab and cheated...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You're still very young at 34 (whatever this guy says)--do you really want to waste the rest of your youth on someone who treats you this way?
I get wanting him to get sober for his own sake, but what are you planning to do, talk to him about the pills? Talk to his doctor about the pills? He didn't ask for your help.
He's in an outpatient program (supposedly)--he's getting the support he needs, if he's truly ready to be done.
I get wanting him to get sober for his own sake, but what are you planning to do, talk to him about the pills? Talk to his doctor about the pills? He didn't ask for your help.
He's in an outpatient program (supposedly)--he's getting the support he needs, if he's truly ready to be done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I spent 28 days in rehab by way of
a family intervention which left me
with lots of anger and resentments
towards them.
Of course, 25 yrs still sober, I no longer
hold those resentments towards them
because what they did for me saved my
life.
Gratefullness replaced resentments.
However, before, during and after
rehab, I was sick in mind, body and
soul. A 28 instay rehab facility wouldn't
cure me of my addiction. I was given a
program of recovery to learn, apply
and live in my everyday affairs.
Because I was still filled with so much
anger and resentments at that time in
my life, I could have returned to poison
and my addiction to alcohol, but rather
I used my stubbornness and selfishness
to do whatever I needed to do to remain
sober no matter what.
This would be my recovery life and no
one was gonna take it away from me
and no family member was gonna tell
me if I ever drank again then I would
be gone, out of the house.
It took many one days at a time and
yrs in recovery to work thru the anger
and resentments I had harbored over
my family and to continue to hold on those
feelings would cost me.
Just because I completed my rehab
program didn't mean I was cured.
I was still emotionally sick. Still
holding onto sick behaviors, sick
thoughts. Mentally, emotional,
spiritual bankrupt.
Following an effective program of
recovery in all my affairs for a many
one days at a time, I began to receive
some wonderful rewards in my life.
Replacing sick behaviors, mental
thoughts with healthier habits gave
me stronger, happier, honest way
to live life for many more days sober
down the road.
Today I can still use many of those
tools in recovery taught to me and
apply them to any old behaviors that
try to pop up and keep me sick.
A strong solid program of recovery
to live upon and and my suit of armor
I wear daily to ward off any demons
that are lurking around wanting to
bring me down each day I remain sober.
Just sharing my own ESH experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my life
was and is like before, during and after
my addiction to alcohol.
a family intervention which left me
with lots of anger and resentments
towards them.
Of course, 25 yrs still sober, I no longer
hold those resentments towards them
because what they did for me saved my
life.
Gratefullness replaced resentments.
However, before, during and after
rehab, I was sick in mind, body and
soul. A 28 instay rehab facility wouldn't
cure me of my addiction. I was given a
program of recovery to learn, apply
and live in my everyday affairs.
Because I was still filled with so much
anger and resentments at that time in
my life, I could have returned to poison
and my addiction to alcohol, but rather
I used my stubbornness and selfishness
to do whatever I needed to do to remain
sober no matter what.
This would be my recovery life and no
one was gonna take it away from me
and no family member was gonna tell
me if I ever drank again then I would
be gone, out of the house.
It took many one days at a time and
yrs in recovery to work thru the anger
and resentments I had harbored over
my family and to continue to hold on those
feelings would cost me.
Just because I completed my rehab
program didn't mean I was cured.
I was still emotionally sick. Still
holding onto sick behaviors, sick
thoughts. Mentally, emotional,
spiritual bankrupt.
Following an effective program of
recovery in all my affairs for a many
one days at a time, I began to receive
some wonderful rewards in my life.
Replacing sick behaviors, mental
thoughts with healthier habits gave
me stronger, happier, honest way
to live life for many more days sober
down the road.
Today I can still use many of those
tools in recovery taught to me and
apply them to any old behaviors that
try to pop up and keep me sick.
A strong solid program of recovery
to live upon and and my suit of armor
I wear daily to ward off any demons
that are lurking around wanting to
bring me down each day I remain sober.
Just sharing my own ESH experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my life
was and is like before, during and after
my addiction to alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
i know this is all very difficult, but what gave YOU the right to go through someone else's PURSE???
I do respect others' privacy and I know I have a huge heart. Hence the reason why I gave her a ride home and seemed more concerned that she wasn't going to go home and get wasted after all of this. She kept apologizing and I said, "Don't apologize...just take care of yourself!"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by LexieCat
You're still very young at 34 (whatever this guy says)--do you really want to waste the rest of your youth on someone who treats you this way?
I get wanting him to get sober for his own sake, but what are you planning to do, talk to him about the pills? Talk to his doctor about the pills? He didn't ask for your help.
He's in an outpatient program (supposedly)--he's getting the support he needs, if he's truly ready to be done.
I get wanting him to get sober for his own sake, but what are you planning to do, talk to him about the pills? Talk to his doctor about the pills? He didn't ask for your help.
He's in an outpatient program (supposedly)--he's getting the support he needs, if he's truly ready to be done.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
He was not in rehab, he was in inpatient detox. There is a HUGE difference.
He is a cheater. Let him worry about his own recovery, and move forward with yourself, what you can do to protect yourself from making a choice like this again in the future.
I am so sorry, this sounds harsh, but it is the reality.
Many hugs.
He is a cheater. Let him worry about his own recovery, and move forward with yourself, what you can do to protect yourself from making a choice like this again in the future.
I am so sorry, this sounds harsh, but it is the reality.
Many hugs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Lynn, from your comments here you appear to have a natural wisdom and intelligence that makes your learning-curve super sharp. You will walk away from this situation with one big-butt boatload of wisdom.
I like Kayleezen suggestion of safe zone and 90 days of no contact. In this 90 days, circle the wagons, fill that circle with exercise, massage, favorite movies, brain-candy novels, friends who make you laugh, yoga, macaroni and cheese (or whatever comfort food you prefer), kale (or whatever healthy food you prefer), meditation, new silk undies (or whatever clothes make you feel good) and use this list as a spring board to think and implement more safe-zone, self-care.
I like Kayleezen suggestion of safe zone and 90 days of no contact. In this 90 days, circle the wagons, fill that circle with exercise, massage, favorite movies, brain-candy novels, friends who make you laugh, yoga, macaroni and cheese (or whatever comfort food you prefer), kale (or whatever healthy food you prefer), meditation, new silk undies (or whatever clothes make you feel good) and use this list as a spring board to think and implement more safe-zone, self-care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I also have another concern/question. "G" (my BF, ex, whatever) has been prescribed at least 2-3 pills, one of which is for anti-anxiety. The girl he was with had them in her purse, too. He may be selfish and evil in my eyes right now, but I do want him to stay sober for his own sake. You are also very concerned about this woman stating you wanted to be sure she didn't go home and get wasted. So concerned you drove her home. BTW there isn't anything you can do to keep him sober (and I doubt he is). Time to change the mindset from being concerned about the alcoholic cheater and his companion, and being concerned about yourself.
At what point are the pills no longer needed? I went with him when he checked into rehab and sat through a two hour interview. I know he was detoxing from alcohol plus ambien/xanax. I just wonder when the pills are out and a person just does it on their own or do they? Curiosity killed the cat. The pills are used for withdrawal; however, in this situation it sounds like they are being used to intensify the high cause they are drinking.
That was another thing...when I found her purse on the coffee table, I looked through it and she had cigarettes, loose cash, and pills. It all seemed so sad to me. Really? Why???? The woman just slept with your boyfriend.
I'm a teacher and I had just gotten out of school for our two week holiday break. I showed up dressed to the nines in my professional attire and she came out of the bedroom dressed in all black and weighed a buck and no change soaking wet. I suppose that is why I didn't explode in a fury at her; she even said, "You're beautiful...I get it." I'm like, "Uhhhh...thank you?" Issues...too many to count. Who her, or you has too many issues to count? Listen, she is very simple, she is an addict and she is doing what they do. I wouldn't put too much stock that she didn't know about you - I'd guess she could write your life story. Remember that addicts lie. He lies, she lies.
I told her that if she's an addict, she needed to find someone who wasn't an addict, too. I went into straight teacher mode! Classic signs of codependency!!!! She slept with your boyfriend and YOU are lecturing her on what she should be doing with her life, concerned about HER, want to help HER, want to make sure SHE gets home ok. Additionally, I told her she shouldn't be drinking anything if she's on these prescription pills. Haha, and she lost her phone and couldn't find it. Convenient. She was 25...he's 32, and I'm 34. He told me once when he was drunk and on Ambien that although I was very beautiful, he would trade me for a girl who was 5-7 years younger who wasn't as attractive. I just didn't think it would happen in rehab. This would have been enough for a normie to pack their bags and run. A Codependent will spend their life trying to change this person's mind, or dismiss what they say.
I hope you have started going to Al Anon. You really need it. Seems almost as if you think you will be judged, or that you have to offer compassion even to those who don't deserve your acknowledgement. Unconditional love has turned you into a doormat. A trash bin. You accept unacceptable behavior to prove you are a good guy. This isn't a normal response to what happened. Red flag for you to stop worrying about these people, and become concerned about yourself. Why have you reacted the way you have? How many times over 10 years have you swallowed unacceptable behavior? I'm glad you have found SR. Hope we can help you out.
At what point are the pills no longer needed? I went with him when he checked into rehab and sat through a two hour interview. I know he was detoxing from alcohol plus ambien/xanax. I just wonder when the pills are out and a person just does it on their own or do they? Curiosity killed the cat. The pills are used for withdrawal; however, in this situation it sounds like they are being used to intensify the high cause they are drinking.
That was another thing...when I found her purse on the coffee table, I looked through it and she had cigarettes, loose cash, and pills. It all seemed so sad to me. Really? Why???? The woman just slept with your boyfriend.
I'm a teacher and I had just gotten out of school for our two week holiday break. I showed up dressed to the nines in my professional attire and she came out of the bedroom dressed in all black and weighed a buck and no change soaking wet. I suppose that is why I didn't explode in a fury at her; she even said, "You're beautiful...I get it." I'm like, "Uhhhh...thank you?" Issues...too many to count. Who her, or you has too many issues to count? Listen, she is very simple, she is an addict and she is doing what they do. I wouldn't put too much stock that she didn't know about you - I'd guess she could write your life story. Remember that addicts lie. He lies, she lies.
I told her that if she's an addict, she needed to find someone who wasn't an addict, too. I went into straight teacher mode! Classic signs of codependency!!!! She slept with your boyfriend and YOU are lecturing her on what she should be doing with her life, concerned about HER, want to help HER, want to make sure SHE gets home ok. Additionally, I told her she shouldn't be drinking anything if she's on these prescription pills. Haha, and she lost her phone and couldn't find it. Convenient. She was 25...he's 32, and I'm 34. He told me once when he was drunk and on Ambien that although I was very beautiful, he would trade me for a girl who was 5-7 years younger who wasn't as attractive. I just didn't think it would happen in rehab. This would have been enough for a normie to pack their bags and run. A Codependent will spend their life trying to change this person's mind, or dismiss what they say.
I hope you have started going to Al Anon. You really need it. Seems almost as if you think you will be judged, or that you have to offer compassion even to those who don't deserve your acknowledgement. Unconditional love has turned you into a doormat. A trash bin. You accept unacceptable behavior to prove you are a good guy. This isn't a normal response to what happened. Red flag for you to stop worrying about these people, and become concerned about yourself. Why have you reacted the way you have? How many times over 10 years have you swallowed unacceptable behavior? I'm glad you have found SR. Hope we can help you out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
It is hard to change being a "fixer"
I grew up doing that for my alcoholic mother, and I often in life
have accepted what is unacceptable in the name of "compassion".
But really, my compassion stopped at myself and for many years.
I cared more for others and would walk over broken glass to please
people who repeatedly crapped on me and took advantage of my kindness.
I guess I was in my mid-forties before I started to get a clue the problem
was really me and not them.
Self-healing and being honest with my motives has been very hard at times,
but the payoff has been worth ten times its weight in gold.
Use this event as a springboard to get at the root of what is moving you
to do so much for those who haven't earned and don't deserve your caring.
Care for yourself, and the world falls magically into place. . . there are still bumps, but so much better
I grew up doing that for my alcoholic mother, and I often in life
have accepted what is unacceptable in the name of "compassion".
But really, my compassion stopped at myself and for many years.
I cared more for others and would walk over broken glass to please
people who repeatedly crapped on me and took advantage of my kindness.
I guess I was in my mid-forties before I started to get a clue the problem
was really me and not them.
Self-healing and being honest with my motives has been very hard at times,
but the payoff has been worth ten times its weight in gold.
Use this event as a springboard to get at the root of what is moving you
to do so much for those who haven't earned and don't deserve your caring.
Care for yourself, and the world falls magically into place. . . there are still bumps, but so much better
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Sometimes when we are in the dark and naive for so long that once that light is turned on its blinding and overwhelming. We kind of try and close our eyes to it desperately wanting to go back into the denial of darkness only we can't.
I would suggest that you learn as much as you can about alcoholism/addiction and how they go from one to the other. He does not just have an alcohol issue but a drug one as well and the drugs have nothing at all to do with his alcohol recovery at this point. Addiction is a progressive disease, so where he once may have never thought of cheating on you, that's not the case any more.
In my opinion the worst thing you can do right now is push your family and friends away because YOU still have visions of staying with this hurtful person who has no respect for you.
Your family and friends love you and like us here know that you deserve better from a partner in life. No matter how much time you have already invested in this person/relationship any further time will be wasted lonely hurtful hours/days of your precious life that could all go towards you and a healthier future.
Acceptance of reality is really hard and often filled with hurt and disappointment but living a life filled with fantasy and confusion is even harder because it doesn’t end or heal as it eventually does once we accept reality.
I would suggest that you learn as much as you can about alcoholism/addiction and how they go from one to the other. He does not just have an alcohol issue but a drug one as well and the drugs have nothing at all to do with his alcohol recovery at this point. Addiction is a progressive disease, so where he once may have never thought of cheating on you, that's not the case any more.
In my opinion the worst thing you can do right now is push your family and friends away because YOU still have visions of staying with this hurtful person who has no respect for you.
Your family and friends love you and like us here know that you deserve better from a partner in life. No matter how much time you have already invested in this person/relationship any further time will be wasted lonely hurtful hours/days of your precious life that could all go towards you and a healthier future.
Acceptance of reality is really hard and often filled with hurt and disappointment but living a life filled with fantasy and confusion is even harder because it doesn’t end or heal as it eventually does once we accept reality.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Very respectfully, there isn't one thing he did that isn't 100 percent consistent with the behavior of alcoholics, and also very, very common. I'm not saying all alcoholics do it, but I am saying it's common and normal. I've read this in 1,000 threads.
Also, I once read here on the boards that when an alcholic cheater gets sober, what you are left with is a sober cheater. It had nothing to do with the rehab, and everything to do with the alcoholic.
I'm so sorry this is happening.
Cyranoak
Also, I once read here on the boards that when an alcholic cheater gets sober, what you are left with is a sober cheater. It had nothing to do with the rehab, and everything to do with the alcoholic.
I'm so sorry this is happening.
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
Also, I once read here on the boards that when an alcholic cheater gets sober, what you are left with is a sober cheater. It had nothing to do with the rehab, and everything to do with the alcoholic.
Cyranoak
No answer for that, other than I was an a***ole.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by redatlanta
I also have another concern/question. "G" (my BF, ex, whatever) has been prescribed at least 2-3 pills, one of which is for anti-anxiety. The girl he was with had them in her purse, too. He may be selfish and evil in my eyes right now, but I do want him to stay sober for his own sake. You are also very concerned about this woman stating you wanted to be sure she didn't go home and get wasted. So concerned you drove her home. BTW there isn't anything you can do to keep him sober (and I doubt he is). Time to change the mindset from being concerned about the alcoholic cheater and his companion, and being concerned about yourself.
At what point are the pills no longer needed? I went with him when he checked into rehab and sat through a two hour interview. I know he was detoxing from alcohol plus ambien/xanax. I just wonder when the pills are out and a person just does it on their own or do they? Curiosity killed the cat. The pills are used for withdrawal; however, in this situation it sounds like they are being used to intensify the high cause they are drinking.
That was another thing...when I found her purse on the coffee table, I looked through it and she had cigarettes, loose cash, and pills. It all seemed so sad to me. Really? Why???? The woman just slept with your boyfriend.
I'm a teacher and I had just gotten out of school for our two week holiday break. I showed up dressed to the nines in my professional attire and she came out of the bedroom dressed in all black and weighed a buck and no change soaking wet. I suppose that is why I didn't explode in a fury at her; she even said, "You're beautiful...I get it." I'm like, "Uhhhh...thank you?" Issues...too many to count. Who her, or you has too many issues to count? Listen, she is very simple, she is an addict and she is doing what they do. I wouldn't put too much stock that she didn't know about you - I'd guess she could write your life story. Remember that addicts lie. He lies, she lies.
I told her that if she's an addict, she needed to find someone who wasn't an addict, too. I went into straight teacher mode! Classic signs of codependency!!!! She slept with your boyfriend and YOU are lecturing her on what she should be doing with her life, concerned about HER, want to help HER, want to make sure SHE gets home ok. Additionally, I told her she shouldn't be drinking anything if she's on these prescription pills. Haha, and she lost her phone and couldn't find it. Convenient. She was 25...he's 32, and I'm 34. He told me once when he was drunk and on Ambien that although I was very beautiful, he would trade me for a girl who was 5-7 years younger who wasn't as attractive. I just didn't think it would happen in rehab. This would have been enough for a normie to pack their bags and run. A Codependent will spend their life trying to change this person's mind, or dismiss what they say.
I hope you have started going to Al Anon. You really need it. Seems almost as if you think you will be judged, or that you have to offer compassion even to those who don't deserve your acknowledgement. Unconditional love has turned you into a doormat. A trash bin. You accept unacceptable behavior to prove you are a good guy. This isn't a normal response to what happened. Red flag for you to stop worrying about these people, and become concerned about yourself. Why have you reacted the way you have? How many times over 10 years have you swallowed unacceptable behavior? I'm glad you have found SR. Hope we can help you out.
At what point are the pills no longer needed? I went with him when he checked into rehab and sat through a two hour interview. I know he was detoxing from alcohol plus ambien/xanax. I just wonder when the pills are out and a person just does it on their own or do they? Curiosity killed the cat. The pills are used for withdrawal; however, in this situation it sounds like they are being used to intensify the high cause they are drinking.
That was another thing...when I found her purse on the coffee table, I looked through it and she had cigarettes, loose cash, and pills. It all seemed so sad to me. Really? Why???? The woman just slept with your boyfriend.
I'm a teacher and I had just gotten out of school for our two week holiday break. I showed up dressed to the nines in my professional attire and she came out of the bedroom dressed in all black and weighed a buck and no change soaking wet. I suppose that is why I didn't explode in a fury at her; she even said, "You're beautiful...I get it." I'm like, "Uhhhh...thank you?" Issues...too many to count. Who her, or you has too many issues to count? Listen, she is very simple, she is an addict and she is doing what they do. I wouldn't put too much stock that she didn't know about you - I'd guess she could write your life story. Remember that addicts lie. He lies, she lies.
I told her that if she's an addict, she needed to find someone who wasn't an addict, too. I went into straight teacher mode! Classic signs of codependency!!!! She slept with your boyfriend and YOU are lecturing her on what she should be doing with her life, concerned about HER, want to help HER, want to make sure SHE gets home ok. Additionally, I told her she shouldn't be drinking anything if she's on these prescription pills. Haha, and she lost her phone and couldn't find it. Convenient. She was 25...he's 32, and I'm 34. He told me once when he was drunk and on Ambien that although I was very beautiful, he would trade me for a girl who was 5-7 years younger who wasn't as attractive. I just didn't think it would happen in rehab. This would have been enough for a normie to pack their bags and run. A Codependent will spend their life trying to change this person's mind, or dismiss what they say.
I hope you have started going to Al Anon. You really need it. Seems almost as if you think you will be judged, or that you have to offer compassion even to those who don't deserve your acknowledgement. Unconditional love has turned you into a doormat. A trash bin. You accept unacceptable behavior to prove you are a good guy. This isn't a normal response to what happened. Red flag for you to stop worrying about these people, and become concerned about yourself. Why have you reacted the way you have? How many times over 10 years have you swallowed unacceptable behavior? I'm glad you have found SR. Hope we can help you out.
I know I'm a smart, outgoing, kindhearted person. However, I am self-aware enough to know that I'm a complete dummy, too. He was my first everything...love, etc. (fill in the blanks) My friends are out of words or advice for me. I was up all night just days ago and now that I've found this forum, I feel so much better. I guess I needed people who don't see me everyday to tell me how it really is! I closed my eyes hoping this was a horrible nightmare only to wake up and realize what a mess I am. I'm religious, I pray to God and my dad who passed away in September 2014 of cancer, to help me get through this.
Reading everyone's words really inspires me and also makes me sad about the reality at the same time. I'm supposed to be the level-headed person, the caretaker, the advisor. I woke up and stood in front of 13-14 year olds everyday acting like everything was okay. I gave them advice and tried to mentor them. I know my dad wouldn't want this for me, and I have to find the strength to say goodbye forever. I've wasted away too much of my life already.
I told my friend I was going to an Al Anon meeting this week and she asked me if it was only for people who plan on staying with an addict. I told her it was for anyone who has been touched by the disease at any point in their lives. I spent the morning reading about the meetings and what to expect. I'm excited, but also scared. This will be my first time really reaching out for help.
Everyone here is so wise. It's truly incredible. I am taking your words to heart and I am going to get through this. I must...I will.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I told my friend I was going to an Al Anon meeting this week and she asked me if it was only for people who plan on staying with an addict. I told her it was for anyone who has been touched by the disease at any point in their lives. I spent the morning reading about the meetings and what to expect. I'm excited, but also scared. This will be my first time really reaching out for help.
I am going to get through this. I must...I will.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Be glad you aren't married to him, that's a major obstacle.
He's a jerk ok? Your friends have nothing more to say because what is there to say? He is an alcoholic who has abused you, and friends and family are out of "try's" to get you to see the light.
One day at a time. Don't focus on "the last goodbye". For now, put him out of your mind. You don't have to "formally" do anything such as ending the relationship. Focus on you, get to Al Anon. Take control back.
He's a jerk ok? Your friends have nothing more to say because what is there to say? He is an alcoholic who has abused you, and friends and family are out of "try's" to get you to see the light.
One day at a time. Don't focus on "the last goodbye". For now, put him out of your mind. You don't have to "formally" do anything such as ending the relationship. Focus on you, get to Al Anon. Take control back.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
[QUOTE=AnvilheadII;5700688]I'm supposed to be the level-headed person, the caretaker, the advisor.
This kind of thinking will also make you hugely codependent with all sorts of people in your life, and eventually lead you to break. You are only responsible for one person, YOU. You did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.
This kind of thinking will also make you hugely codependent with all sorts of people in your life, and eventually lead you to break. You are only responsible for one person, YOU. You did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
^^^^Be glad you aren't married to him, that's a major obstacle. ^^^^
My thoughts exactly! YES!! You will get through this!! There is a wonderful life waiting for you on the other side! Head up... Forward March... We are cheering you on, now get to it!
My thoughts exactly! YES!! You will get through this!! There is a wonderful life waiting for you on the other side! Head up... Forward March... We are cheering you on, now get to it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by lynnaxo99
I told my friend I was going to an Al Anon meeting this week and she asked me if it was only for people who plan on staying with an addict. I told her it was for anyone who has been touched by the disease at any point in their lives. I spent the morning reading about the meetings and what to expect. I'm excited, but also scared. This will be my first time really reaching out for help.
The way you are feeling about yourself is I'd venture to say nearly 100% the fault of your addicted piece of crap partner. I believed I was all of what mine said I was also.
Within 6 months of being out of that life, I began to get back to my old self. I was outgoing, warm, friendly, could talk to a cinder block and make it a good conversation....lol.
You start to learn that we (you) were never in a normal life when you are with them. You just made it out to be normal. To make the best of it.
Trust me, you deserve better, you will get better, because you will be better.
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