On the fence
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Talk to a lawyer. It may be that you will be granted temporary possession of the house and HE will have to leave. I still think too (if I'm remembering correctly) that you have possible grounds for a protective order. Which, again, would require HIM to leave, not you.
Start investigating your options. Getting advice from experts will be a lot more helpful to you than trying to figure it out on your own.
Start investigating your options. Getting advice from experts will be a lot more helpful to you than trying to figure it out on your own.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
^^^. The same thing happened to me Dandy^^^. And he laughed... Look who's laughing now.. ME!
You're done when you're and from that point on there is NO looking back. You can't look back even if you wanted to.. You're just done.
Good Luck to you... Keep us posted.
You're done when you're and from that point on there is NO looking back. You can't look back even if you wanted to.. You're just done.
Good Luck to you... Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Being on the fence is not a fun place to be-I was there for a long time. I finally had to make plans for myself and my children that didn't involve him bc I finally believed and SAW with my own eyes that he didn't want to and couldn't change. Take care of yourself. As we have all witnessed, it will just get worse-that is the only thing you can count on with him. Peace to you, friend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
The "Roofied" Excuse...
I know a guy, despite many other alcoholic events, who still swears his worst one was because he was roofied.
He will, with a straight face, swear on his life that somebody spiked his drink and that's how he ended up hospitalized and later jailed.
Another gift of alcoholism is that any rational person will never believe an alcoholic's story, so even if he is telling the truth, it doesn't matter. He's still a liar.
C-
He will, with a straight face, swear on his life that somebody spiked his drink and that's how he ended up hospitalized and later jailed.
Another gift of alcoholism is that any rational person will never believe an alcoholic's story, so even if he is telling the truth, it doesn't matter. He's still a liar.
C-
Originally Posted by SadInTX 
Hey everyone,
I haven't posted in about 6 months, but I read another thread about being on the fence and I can relate...he last time I posted I was going to move out and leave my AH. We ended up working things out and had a few great months, but now...my AH is still drinking...he got that DWI back in May. He hasn't had to go to court yet (lawyer has gone to represent him) but the time has come where he must face the judge. He still says someone drugged his drink so he does not take responsibility for his reckless actions. He doesn't know what is going to happen...could get jail time or probation (first DWI).
I am just tired all the time...I haven't been sleeping very well lately. This time of year should be joyful but I don't feel this way...I am tired of being on the fence. Should I stay or should I go? If I leave now I would feel some what guilty for leaving him right when he has to face his DWI...I guess in a way I am hoping that the judge makes him attend AA meetings, counseling...but he probably would just drink anyways....
when did you know it was time to go? Being on this fence is exhausting
I haven't posted in about 6 months, but I read another thread about being on the fence and I can relate...he last time I posted I was going to move out and leave my AH. We ended up working things out and had a few great months, but now...my AH is still drinking...he got that DWI back in May. He hasn't had to go to court yet (lawyer has gone to represent him) but the time has come where he must face the judge. He still says someone drugged his drink so he does not take responsibility for his reckless actions. He doesn't know what is going to happen...could get jail time or probation (first DWI).
I am just tired all the time...I haven't been sleeping very well lately. This time of year should be joyful but I don't feel this way...I am tired of being on the fence. Should I stay or should I go? If I leave now I would feel some what guilty for leaving him right when he has to face his DWI...I guess in a way I am hoping that the judge makes him attend AA meetings, counseling...but he probably would just drink anyways....
when did you know it was time to go? Being on this fence is exhausting
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Being on the fence is another phase. We sit on the fence and we think, and we look back, and we might many times get off the fence and go straight back to our home until something happens, and we hop on the fence again. And we wait for the change, and the change never comes. This can go on like this for years!
Once you are ready, you will know it. It just snaps. And you just move forward. Leaving is not an easy decision to make. It is heartbreaking on so many different levels. And even when you finally decide to leave, it is still one step at time. One of the first steps should be saving and taking care of your finances.
Once you are ready, you will know it. It just snaps. And you just move forward. Leaving is not an easy decision to make. It is heartbreaking on so many different levels. And even when you finally decide to leave, it is still one step at time. One of the first steps should be saving and taking care of your finances.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Powerless ... and free
Posts: 201
I can relate to being on the fence, especially when kids are involved. I was on the fence more than a year before filing.
I've been divorced a few years now. It's been peaceful to not live with xAH.
However, our child is greatly stressed from unsupervised visitation. His dad has been seen driving him drunk and has left him locked in a hot car several times while going into liquor and convenience stores to buy booze. CPS is of zero help, nor are the courts. The divorce injunction against xAH drinking is completely unenforceable.
Just some things to visit with your attorney about on the front end, before you file, especially if your kids are young and their safety and emotional stability could be an issue.
I've been divorced a few years now. It's been peaceful to not live with xAH.
However, our child is greatly stressed from unsupervised visitation. His dad has been seen driving him drunk and has left him locked in a hot car several times while going into liquor and convenience stores to buy booze. CPS is of zero help, nor are the courts. The divorce injunction against xAH drinking is completely unenforceable.
Just some things to visit with your attorney about on the front end, before you file, especially if your kids are young and their safety and emotional stability could be an issue.
Learning to LIve
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NSW Australia
Posts: 908
Originally Posted by SadInTX
The sad thing is that I I think I should wait until after Christmas...don't want to ruin the kids holiday....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I sat and I sat and I sat - until I hated myself even more than I hated him. I needed to save myself even more than I needed to save him. Then I left.
Not really a plan I'd recommend. It was an exceptionally dark, confusing, and horrible time in my life. More so than it needed to be. I think how things might not have been so traumatic for us all had I gotten some counseling much much sooner.
Hug your kids this holiday. Hug yourself. Gift yourself with some counseling if you have not already. Permit yourself a little daydreaming about what life could be like if you were only taking care of yourself and your kids. Then permit yourself to make it happen.
Not really a plan I'd recommend. It was an exceptionally dark, confusing, and horrible time in my life. More so than it needed to be. I think how things might not have been so traumatic for us all had I gotten some counseling much much sooner.
Hug your kids this holiday. Hug yourself. Gift yourself with some counseling if you have not already. Permit yourself a little daydreaming about what life could be like if you were only taking care of yourself and your kids. Then permit yourself to make it happen.
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