FireSprite

He's STILL going to think he's fooling you, unless you catch him IN the act of ingesting something. And even THEN he'll likely try to deny it. My AH once tried fiercely arguing with me that he WAS NOT intoxicated in between bouts of vomiting up the evidence to the contrary.

If he digs in, determined to say that he is NOT drinking & tells relatives that you are making it all up, you have no REAL proof of anything. It's just your word vs. his & oftentimes family responds erratically when this happens to a couple. They don't know what to think or who to believe. It's NOT something that you can apply logic to. The addictive voice simply doesn't work that way. In the meantime, you are exhausting yourself in a way that doesn't benefit you or the kids, that's all I'm saying.

Thomas45

Sex without any emotional involvement is masturbation with a moving object. If 'fulfilling your needs' means getting an orgasm, there's nothing shameful in doing that at home by yourself. It's perfectly natural.

If 'fulfilling your needs' means something more passionate, however, then that means you aren't capable of sex without an emotional attachment: it means you crave the social, emotionally charged aspect of sex, the intimacy and connection with another person. That is what passion is, an emotional connection/attachment. Those desires are bond-forming, even if they are disbelieved after the act. If that weren't the case, you would get the same pleasure response on your own without the need for a partner and wouldn't have felt the need to call on him for a hook up. If sex with him feels better than masturbating at home, then it is because there IS an emotional connection response. Otherwise, from a strictly scientific point of view, the bodily stimulation is identical. Only the mental processes change the feelings experienced.

That all said, why would you want to have sex without an emotional connection? Humans are social animals that crave bonding and interaction, and sex is the strongest bond-forming single action or expression of that craving that humans are capable of. Reducing the action to something meaningless really cheapens its purpose, and there are plenty of people in this world who have extreme difficulty connecting with others on a healthy emotional level because emotionless sex has become normal for them.

I'm not trying to criticize you, I just think you're playing a dangerous game by staying intimately involved with a man you are in the process of divorcing.

Edit:

This says to me that he is still emotionally attached to you and that pursuing a divorce while calling him for hookups is hurting him, potentially greatly. He's feeling push-pulled. If he still wants you back, of course he'll agree to "no strings attached" sex, because he wants the closeness with you. "No strings attached" sex always, always ends up hurting at least one person because one person will be more emotionally involved than the other.

Dimndaruf

Thanks for your perspective, I can agree with some of what you said and disagree with some as well. Masturbating is not the same as having a masculine body to have sex with.

Sex is definitely a bad idea at this point, moving forward with divorce and all.

The reason why he says that I treat him like a yo yo is not because of the sex, he's been saying this for years...it's a guilt tactic. When his drinking would get really bad I would go stay with my parents and return home when he would make promises to slow down or stop. I left him before and when he cleaned up we attempted to work things out again. He always says that he hates that I'M the one who gets to choose whether we're together or not. I tell him that I don't thrive on having that power, he gives it to me when he starts putting us in danger and threatening my sanity. I make the best choices I can for myself and it's called survival. He says that I come and go but he doesn't understand that I can't stay with someone who leaves things on the stove and falls asleep or leaves our balcony door open and I have small children in the house (we we're living on the 2nd floor). First he'll say he understands and to always protect his children even if it's from him but then he'll say things to make me feel guilty about leaving. That's why he says I treat him like a yo yo.

Liveitwell

Y'all are both getting what you want from each other (sex) but not what you need: honesty, truth, etc. Sounds like y'all are both yoyo's.