My AH left but now keeps "spying" on me
 

So my AH left us 4 1/2 weeks ago for his alcoholic ex. She kicked him out a week later. Now he is staying with a family that he met a church 4 years ago. 2 weeks ago I blocked his number because I decided that not dealing with any of his drama be best. I am bipolar and just started new medication about 5 weeks ago and I am in counseling. I feel phenomenal. I don't think I have ever felt so great in my life. I am focusing on work, kids and home and don't need any distractions or drama. However, in the past week or so, I have noticed that almost daily he is driving by my house. There is no reason for him to do so since I live in a very small town about 20 minutes south of where he is staying. I did text him a week ago and let him know that I had one more bag of clothes for him to pick up. I asked him if he wanted me to set it out on the porch and he said no. However, as many times as he has driven by my house, he hasn't stopped to get them. Then 2 days ago one of his good friends stopped by and pretended to be looking for my Ah saying he didn't know that he had moved out. He said he keeps calling my AH but his phone just rings. Well I had my AH phone suspended, so it doesn't ring, it says that the subscriber is not accepting calls. I think my AH sent him by to check up on us or something. I don't get it. I am ignoring him, he left me, blasted me on Facebook everyone he had to leave me because all I ever did was complain. So why drive by my house and send him friend over to check up on me? He may be calling or texting me but I wouldn't know. However, he has not left any voicemails because those I would get. What gives? Is it really not clear to him that I am done? I almost think he is trying to come back. He texted my daughter earlier last week and asked her how she was doing and then made a point of telling her twice that he is not drinking. However I know he is still. But if he is trying to come back, why isn't he leaving voicemails, stopping by or doing something to try to suck up? I don't want him back. And wouldn't let him come back. I just think I need a little clarity on what he is doing in driving by my house daily and now sending his friend by my home

He's a controlling man who's having a hard time giving up control of you. That's my interpretation. Please be careful, because this is stalker behavior. Find out what grounds are illegal enough for you to be able to report him to the police. I would start a journal of when he's driving by and any other details. It's better to be paranoid than surprised in this case.

It's over for you but obviously he has unfinished business. Whether it's sinister or pathetic, I can't say, but I've heard of it happening after a break up, in fact have done it myself, but only once, not repeatedly.
How classic that he's lying to your daughter, but doesn't cover his tracks enough to conceal his drinking.
I'm not sure you can do anything much about him driving past, but you could talk to a lawyer, the police or a DV line about it and see if you have any options. Do you think making your separation official legally would give him the message that it's permanent?
Why is his behaviour contradictory and illogical? The Facebook rant was probably pride driven, but of course he wants to come home. It must be horrible boarding with relative strangers and not having freedom to drink as much as he wants.

He doesn't want to give up control and probably wants to come back.

Start writing down every time you see him drive by, if friends show up dates, times etc and find out about a restraining order.

If you truly never want him back ?
Call the police and make a simple report.
A paper trail is very important.

But, many will say never
only to receive them once again with open arms.

Is this a good thing ?
For some the answer may be yes.
For many others the answer may be no.

One thing for sure
some good time away from each other usually brings out the truth.

MB

Heather, you need to get some legal stuff in place, here. You've referred to him as a "common-law husband" and common-law marriage is recognized in Montana, but there are specific factors that must be met before the courts will find a common-law marriage. Who owns/leases the house you are living in? If he has a property interest in the house he may have an interest in driving by it. You also have two kids together, which is another legitimate reason for him to be in the neighborhood.

You have your suspicions that he is "spying" on you, and you may well be correct, but without court orders in place or more alarming conduct on his part, you would probably have a hard time proving stalking.

My suggestion is that you contact a lawyer and find out what rights you have. If you feel scared by his behavior (as opposed to simply puzzled by it) then contact your local women's shelter or the National DV Hotline and get some guidance about obtaining a protective order. Based on what you've posted it's a bit "iffy" whether you would qualify for one, but best to ask an expert about it.

We do have children together and after moved out I had our lease put into my name only. If the children are the reason for coming by, why doesn't he stop and ask to see them? He has driven by multiple times but hasn't even stopped by to get the last bag of clothes I told him he has here. I also asked him to have his mail forwarded to his new address. He said he would and would pick up the clothes and hasn't done either. So I guess with the kids he would have a reason to be around here except he isn't trying to see them.

I agree, I'm just talking about what you could PROVE in court. I'm not sure how you take someone's name off a lease without their consent. Even if your landlord agreed to do that, I'm not sure it would be legally binding.

You need legal advice, please make an appointment with a lawyer. Often an initial consult will be free or inexpensive.

Because he is an alcoholic...
 

The answer to every question about his behavior is this-- because he is an alcoholic. There may be other reasons as well, but unless and until he finds long-term sobriety it will always be the reason.

^^ 100% agree....answer to "Why is he __________, why doesn't he do ____________, why does he say he's going to do something and then not do it" is because he's an alcoholic. Simple answer.